November is National Novel Writing Month!

One more day! November 1 is Authors Day and the month of November is National Novel Writing Month [NaNoWriMo]!  It’s not too late to join thousands of other writers with the goal of writing 50,000 words by November 30.  Even if you don’t “win” [finish all 50,000 words by November 30], simply participating means you’re that much closer to finishing your next book!

https://nanowrimo.org/

I did NaNo a few years ago and completed 35,000 words.  So I didn’t “win” by November 30 but I did eventually finish the book and now I’m editing/rewriting my 5th draft.

Are you participating this year?  Sign up, then tell us in the comments! And come back here during November for NaNo tips and tricks.

October 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #5

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Michelle Hauck and Ernie Chiara for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 5: Crescent Moon Rising

Genre:  Adult Fantasy

Query

Dear agent,

I am seeking representation for my adult fantasy novel, CRESCENT MOON RISING, which is complete at 93,000 words as a standalone novel with series potential.  It will appeal to fans of the sapphic romance in Tasha Suri’s THE JASMINE THRONE and the worldbuilding of Samantha Shannon’s PRIORY OF THE ORANGE TREE[MH1][EC1].

The astral realm surges[MH2] beside the world like a shadow. The barrier between is fracturing.

Though it is her sole purpose to spy for the ever-expanding Solestrian Empire, Mita knows there are secrets beyond her grasp — and she wants the truth[MH3]. So when she is followed by a stranger during a mission in enemy territory, she pursues them towards a raging energy storm, which sends her crashing into the forbidden ruins of a heretical temple. There she finds that the empire’s conquest has caused a cataclysmic rift[MH4] in the barrier between the astral realm and her world. If the emperor pursues another war, this rift will allow the dimensions to collide and shatter the world.

To avoid the impending cataclysm[MH5], Mita agrees to work with the empire’s enemies[EC2] to overthrow the emperor and prevent[MH6] the war. To help take the throne[MH7], Mita must go undercover as handmaiden to Princess Catryn and manipulate her into staging a coup.

But exploiting Catryn isn’t[MH8] as easy as Mita expects. The more time she spends with the princess, the more Mita finds herself falling in love. As the coup approaches, Mita must decide if she can let go of her feelings to prevent destruction — or if her love for Catryn will end them all.[MH9]

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH1] Hello again to this comp! Well, this is a great book!

[MH2] Curious. I look froward to hearing more about it as I’m not getting much information yet.

[MH3] About what? What I’m not getting is what Mita wants and how she feels about the empire and her job. I think maybe spend less time telling how she discovers the barrier is failing and more about her motivation/goals.
[MH4] How? Too much magic use?

[MH5] I’m not really feeling yet why I should care that she succeeds. Knowing more about the character could help with that.

[MH6] I thought they were already at war. Maybe end the war?

[MH7] This makes it sound like she wants the throne.

[MH8] I’d like a little more about Catryn. Her character. What makes Mita love her?

[MH9] I get enough from this query to understand what to expect from the story. On to the pages!

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC1] This opening paragraph is well done.

[EC2] Stories like this, that require a lot of worldbuilding to understand the character's actions, can be especially difficult to write queries for. Sometimes trying to include enough worldbuilding elements to set the stage doesn't allow us to get a good sense of who the character is and how they feel about their circumstances. 

First 250 Words

Mita was being watched.

How this could be, she did not know, as she was not really there. She hovered listlessly in the corner of the royal bedchamber, watching the enemy queen scream new life into the world, trying desperately to ignore the feeling that someone’s gaze was boring into her back. It stippled through her energy with insect-like determination – she shuddered, but the feeling did not shift.

She refocused her attention[MH10]. Nothing more than her paranoia, a lack of sleep perhaps. There was no way someone could see her here in the astral realm[MH11]. She was only present insofar as a concept like time, or hate, or power – unseen. Undeniable.

Mita stood at the windowsill, where diamond-paned glass blocked a thundering tempest from entering Queen Weronika’s keep. Such storms were[MH12] not so unusual on the Bluelandic steppe. Mita had rarely felt the sting of cold rain on her skin — the rainy season in Solestria brought water droplets as warm and cloying as an unwanted kiss. The sheets of water of this foreign storm warped and frayed into tendrils of energy with the strange veil that covered the astral realm. Her body only felt the hunger clawing at her empty stomach, the crust forming around her closed lids — she could sense it faintly, like a shadow lingering in the corner of her eye. She’d been away from her body for hours, but it felt like years.[MH13][EC3]

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH10] Can you show with her actions?

[MH11] So she’s a magic user. I did not get that from the query.

[MH12] I would maybe move the description and details of the storm to farther into the chapter and focus on why Mita is there and how she feels about being there.  It’s really hard with such a short sample to judge pacing. And so it’s just a suggestion. Maybe more important details are in the very next paragraph and this would be fine here. 

[MH13] Given what is in the query and the page, I am going to pass. I’m just not seeing what makes Mita stand out as a character in this plot from the current information I have.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC3] I got to the end of the 250-word excerpt and found I wanted to keep reading. That's always a good sign.  

Results:

 

[If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Michelle - Pass

 

Ernie - Please submit the query and first 20 pages to QueryManager.com/ErnieChiara with PassOrPages in the referral box. Thank you.

 

October 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #4

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Michelle Hauck and Ernie Chiara for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 4: The State of Solid Dragons[MH1]

Genre:  Adult Fantasy

Query

Dear Agent,

Grel desires acceptance by his fellow dragons, although he abhors their fighting, and they are disdainful of his love of reading[MH2]. When he[MH3] breaks restrictions placed on him after his refusal to take part in ranking fights he’s driven out of his mountain Eyrie home, and[EC1] into the clutches of the dragons’ ancestral enemies – the humans.

While being held captive and flightless in caves below a caldera, Grel makes an empathetic connection with Dirna, the human mage who tried to kill him. She wants nothing more than to keep her family and town safe, so when Grel finds Dirna’s lost children through their unique emotional link she agrees to spare his life. They form a friendship, despite her protective instincts.

When Dirna’s communally-run town is threatened with invasion by her father, the mage-lord of a nearby city, Grel must[MH4] go back to the Eyrie to persuade the dragons that want him dead to follow his lead in aiding Dirna, or risk losing his new home and found family.

The State of Solid Dragons[EC2] is a standalone adult high fantasy of 110,000 words [MH5], envisaged as a series of three standalone novels based on the states of matter with a fourth bringing them together. It’s written from the points of view of Grel, Dirna, and her brother.  This book will appeal to readers who enjoy the dragons of The Priory of the Orange Tree and the political intrigue of City Of Lies by Sam Hawke.

Content warnings[MH6] for dragon cannibalism, emotionally abusive family and one instance of magical physical abuse.

Thank you for your time,
 

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH1] Hmm. I’m sensing a dragon theme creeping in. 😊

[MH2] This is kind of overdone in characters. I see endless characters who love reading, libraries, books etc. I would go with something else that makes him different from the other dragons.

[MH3] I feel like there is a more interesting way to show this whole sentence. That will give him more personality. This paragraph feels dry and a little wordy. [Possible alternative paragraph - Grel desires acceptance by his fellow dragons, although he abhors how they fight over ranking, and they are disdainful of his love of reading. When he refuses to fight once again, he’s driven out, and into the deadly clutches of ancestral enemies –humans.]

[MH4] I feel like something is missing between these sentences. How is that invasion so bad that Grel would consider returning home for help? 

[MH5] Delete the next sentences and change to something like "with series potential.  With multiple POV, this book ..."

[MH6] I always appreciate content warnings. And if there is a chance Grel could get eaten by his kin, that might be something to include in the query. Overall, the query gives me a sense of plot and stakes, but I want more about the characters.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC1] Misplaced comma. It needs one after "fights" and doesn't need one after "home".

[EC2] Book titles should be capitalized in queries. That includes your own and all comp titles.

First 250 Words

Not a Real Dragon

Grel wasn’t a real dragon[MH7]. Unlike the rest of the Eyrie, currently fighting amongst themselves, naturally. They screeched, beating their wings and claws in the arena on the mountaintop as Grel finished cleaning around it[MH8]. Loud calls, betting how many dragons Marler, the lead male, would beat before dusk echoed in the minds of everyone in the males’ quarters. If only they had more congenial interests.[MH9][EC3]

Marler’s voice echoed in his head, Grel, get over here, and clean up after us.[MH10]

Grel’s ears twitched as he aimed his reply directly to Marler. Coming.

Cleaning the rock surrounding the fighting space was one thing, but sluicing blood from the arena made his stomach flutter.

The males clustered near the fighters – two dragons flew low, clawing lumps out of each other. Of course, they were posing and calling insults in every dragons’ mind, as well as screaming vocally. Grel turned away, his hearts beating almost as fast as the clash of the spectators’ claws on the rocks. When he’d been forced to fight he’d cowered on the rock with his forelegs over his head.

The calls bombarded Grel[MH11] as he approached the ring.

Get on with it!

At least he can clean – he won’t fight.

Marler glared at him, indicating a pool of slick blood on the edge of the fighting ring. A small blue dragon with cuts engraved on his chest was escorted away from the puddle of his blood.[MH12]

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH7] I would make this his opinion instead of stating as a fact.

[MH8] I would suggest describing what he is doing.

[MH9] I would go into this deeper. If only his fellow dragons cared about something other than rank. And then maybe list something he wishes they did care about.
[MH10] I usually see this inner talking set off by italics, but maybe that formatting got lost in the transfer to me. 

[MH11] Can you describe how this makes him react. Does he cringe and duck his wings? We aren’t getting much description of the dragons. That sort of detail is something that would interest me.

[MH12] I love dragons and it’s so great to see stories featuring them. I would really show Grel’s personality here, his opinions, his thoughts, and highlight how these dragons are unique from dragons in other books. I’m going to pass on pages as I feel this one needs a little more polish.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC3] I'm not a fan of the writing here, so I'd stop at this point. It would be a pass from me, unfortunately.

Results:

 

[If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Michelle - Pass

 

Ernie -Pass

 

October 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #3

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Michelle Hauck and Ernie Chiara for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 3: THE MERMAID OF TALCASTER HALL

Genre:  Adult Fantasy

Query

THE MERMAID OF TALCASTER HALL[MH1] is an 88,000-word Contemporary Fantasy novel with elements of Women’s Fiction[MH2]. It combines the dry humour and magical elements of Ink & Sigil, with the witty dialogue and mother/daughter relationship of Again, Rachel alongside the eerie vibes and mermaid-human connection in The Shape of Water. It will appeal to fans of Shanna Swendson’s Enchanted Inc. series who enjoy women undertaking fantasy adventures in the real world.[EC1]

A cocktail waitress inherits more than a crumbling mansion when she discovers her great-uncle ‘created’ mermaids[EC2] to sell on the dark web[MH3], with one still waiting in the cellar to be sold… or saved.

Stubborn and sassy, Lucinda intends to stay in her apathic life, avoid being the responsible adult her family expects, and enjoy a whisky along the way[MH4]. That changes when her overbearing mother calls[MH5], asking Lucinda to assist her with clearing out the mansion bequeathed by her scientist great-uncle. Lucinda agrees but strapped for cash, caveats her[EC3] help by demanding the pick of the treasure in the house—a notion quickly squashed when the family’s inheritance turns out to be more Hell Hall than Pemberley.

When Lucinda finds a secret lab with an intelligent mermaid imprisoned, she befriends the mermaid and communicates with her via sign language. Wanting to help the mermaid, Lucinda teams up with her great-uncle’s gorgeous assistant and her genius, estranged sister, to discover the mermaid is up for sale to the highest bidder[MH6]. With the clock ticking on her great-uncle’s terrible plan, and with the only way to stop the auction carried with him to his grave, Lucinda must decide if her family and new life are worth fighting for, and prove she isn’t the black sheep she’s always tried to be—or else the mermaid’s freedom will be lost.[MH7]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH1] Note upfront that I recognize this entry from my query slush and I have just requested pages but haven’t read the full.

[MH2] Not something I normally request. I’m not normally a WF reader, but mashed up with fantasy and I’m interested.

[MH3] I sat up at this line. Crumbling mansion gives atmosphere and created mermaids is unique.

[MH4] We see her personality flaw or arc.

[MH5] Who doesn’t love the conflict implied in this.

[MH6] Very cool!

[MH7] Nice character arc mixed with plot stakes.

Ernie's comments:

[EC1]I like how they describe the way each comp title is relevant to theirs. Titles should be in all caps, though.

[EC2] I'm not the best agent for mermaids in a contemporary setting, so I'd pass here.

[EC3] This sentence is a bit awkward for me, and it's missing punctuation.

First 250 Words

The notion of being reunited with her mother sat as sour as lemons on Lucinda’s tongue[MH8]. She took a sip of musty tea from the polystyrene cup and shuddered at the lukewarm liquid. Bleurgh. What she’d give for an Americano right now—or even better, a glass of whisky[EC4]. Preferably Glenmorangie[MH9].

The railway station mixed ancient with a shot of mundane. The wrought iron bench outside looked as inviting as her mother’s sofa, but at least the flowers in the hanging basket overpowered the insipid scent of tea. Reaching for her bag and rifling under the unopened credit card bills, she pulled out her phone and bit her lip at the missing bars on the screen.

No coffee. No signal. No mother. Crossing her legs—the shorts and flip-flops as unhelpful as the tea in warding off the slight chill in the air—Lucinda balanced her cup on the bench and sighed, her eyes on the empty street in front of her, willing her mother to magically appear in the empty street.[MH10]

Nothing.

Loneliness crept over her alongside the cool air, touching her cheeks. Lucinda rubbed her face. She might not be living her best life, but how was she going to manage goodness knows how long with only her mother for company, and in the country for crying out loud. Screw it. She should go inside, catch the next train back to London and forget all about finding any treasure to sell to cover her current debts.[MH11]
 

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH8] Great to see opinions from the MC.

[MH9] Personality.

[MH10] Scene is set immediately.

[MH11] Makes me curious which is a big thing toward getting me to request pages. Overall, mood and personality are set. I feel like this is a bitter character, but that she still loves her mother so not too pessimistic for my taste. It sounds fun! And that’s why I requested pages.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC4] I'm not a fan of the writing here, so even if the premise was my cup of tea, I'd stop at this point.

Results:

 

[If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Michelle -Pages!

 

Ernie - Pass

 

October 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #2

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Michelle Hauck and Ernie Chiara for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 2: The Dragoneer

Genre:  Adult Fantasy

Query

For twenty years, Keire Salazar has fought wars from[MH1] the backs of dragons enhanced with metallic forelimbs and permanent armor. She lives for the fight, and every day is a good day to die[EC1].

But when a crash kills her crew and leaves Keire with a twisted knee and half a hand, she faces a greater terror: discharge and civilian life. Smothering her grief, she jumps at the chance (figuratively, of course, since her bad leg won’t let her do more than limp) to prove she can still fight, when she is assigned[MH2] to the crew of Alvaric Andressa, a captain with a burning anger at the world and a deep love for his dragon. Their mission is to bring down the enemy’s most dangerous dragon, Crocodile[EC2]. Success means Keire’s redemption. Failure means discharge.

What Keire quickly realizes, though, is that[EC3] they were never meant to succeed. Andressa is disgraced, and the upper brass want him dead. Keire and the rest of the misfit crew were selected precisely because they are expendable liabilities[EC4]

For Keire, civilian life is the antithesis of her identity, a torture on top of the daily pain her injuries bring. It means losing her sense of self and facing her grief. But continuing after Crocodile means fighting on behalf of people who want Keire dead, with a crew Keire doesn’t trust, and a high likelihood that Keire herself will be the one to get them killed[MH3].

As Keire always says, it’s a good day to die.[MH4]

THE DRAGONEER (116,000 words) is a military fantasy where Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series meets Robyn Bennis’s The Guns Above[EC5].

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH1] Okay. Good. But someplace in the query we need to know what they are fighting over. Why are they at war?

[MH2] Delete "when she is" and start new sentence with "Assigned". When reading a ton of queries, long sentences are more likely to becoming confusing. So shorter sentences are more likely to get through tired brains. 

[MH3] Much of this paragraph is a recap of things we already know. I like that you show us her choice but I’m unsure of the stakes beyond death. Also unclear why they are fighting in the first place. I’d like to see more of a character arc in the query. What is her flaw that needs to be overcome. It’s not all about plot, I like a sense of how the character changes to be hinted at in the query. [Possible rewrite of this paragraph - Retiring is unthinkable, but fighting on behalf of people who want Keire dead, with an untrustworthy crew and a high likelihood she’ll cause their failure and deaths isn’t much better.]
[MH4] I'd cut this line.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC1] Off to a great start. You've got my attention with the metallic forelimbs, and the sentences are well crafted.

[EC2] This paragraph is well done. I'm invested in Keire as a character and want to know more. But "Crocodile" as the dragon's name is underwhelming.

[EC3] A bit awkward here with the phrasing.

[EC4] Missing a period at the end of this sentence.

[EC5] Series names should be italicized and book titles should be in all caps.

First 250 Words

The cannons boomed like a distant lullaby.

        “A good day to fly,” said Ordego.

        “A good day to die,” replied Keire, as she always did.

        Ordego snorted. “Ever the motivator.”

        At least he didn’t seem to be holding last night against her. Maybe in the predawn light that caressed the surrounding scrubland, his argument seemed less relevant. Weaker in the face of the upcoming fight[MH5]. Keire shrugged, checking that her harness was snug over her jacket. Her revolver rested secure in its holster on her hip, her knife in a sheath on her calf, and her rifle on a strap across her back. Spare ammunition sat in a pouch at her waist. The pressure of the various straps was the embrace of an old friend.

        “If you’re gonna go,” Keire said, “would you rather have it any other way?”

        “Aged hundred and five. In my seaside mansion. Servants waiting upon my every need.”

        “You know you’d beg me to shoot you long before then.”

        “But I can dream. It’s better than thinking about this shit war.”

        That was where they differed, Keire and Ordego. She dreamed of nothing else[MH6].

        The fifteen dragons of the squadron crouched in the brush around them, forty-foot beasts of scale and steel. None so much as twitched, like any good enhanced dragon. Keire and Ordego’s dragon, Vanquish, rested closest, head held above metal forelimbs[MH7]. To the south, the river crawled along silent and brown[MH8][EC6].
 

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH5] I would delete this sentence.  In previous sentence, consider "their" argument.

[MH6] I’d suggest elaborating so we can get to know her better.

[MH7] I would like her to do some action that shows her emotions toward her dragon. I’m not getting much emotion here.

[MH8] I would have to pass as I do already have a military science fiction client and I’m unsure of the larger conflict here.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC6] As a fan of the Temeraire books and of Robin Hobb's novels, I'm a sucker for dragon riding.

Results:

 

[If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Michelle - Pass

 

Ernie - Pages! Please submit the query and first 20 pages to QueryManager.com/ErnieChiara with PassOrPages in the referral box. Thank you.

 

October 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #1

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Michelle Hauck and Ernie Chiara for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 1: Times Destiny: The Last Warlock

Genre:  Adult Fantasy

Query

TIMES DESTINY: THE LAST WARLOCK is a 99,000 word[EC1] science fantasy[MH1] novel.

It is[EC2] a standalone book with series potential[MH2] appealing to readers who enjoyed the Shards of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky and fantasy blended with witches like Nora Robert’s Dark Witch[EC3].

“You’re a warlock commanding a haunted battleship; act like it!”[MH3]

If Colonel Aidan Brackman heard these typically gruff words from his Aunt Ruth aboard Titan, this ancient battleship where the spirits outnumbered the living, she was dead[MH4][EC4]. Ultimately, the 41st century Earth Alliance that scorned magicks had been annihilated by legions of Dead Ships driven by dark magicks.

In this world, Aidan never got the wife and family he always wanted[MH5]. Magicks that made him an outcast in Alliance society might save humanity and give him what he always wanted if he opens his eyes to new possibilities. Aidan has a vision linking him to 1st-century witches, Cerie and Siroka, with whom he shares an invigorating magickal bond[MH6]. Aidan learns the Dead Ships are puppets of demonic Furies that seek to undermine human history. Aidan must become the warlock he’s destined to be[MH7], or he will have to watch Cerie and Siroka die and all of humanity be erased from history[MH8].

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH1] Nice word count and I am seeing more editors asking for genre mashups.

[MH2] I usually see this at the end, but here is fine too. I would add the sentence above to this paragraph.

[MH3] I don’t usually care for starting with quotes. But there’s nice voice here.

[MH4] This is confusing to me. Why does that make her dead?

[MH5] Unclear why he can’t have them? You have to be careful of creating unwanted questions in the reader’s mind.

[MH6] How does this come back to the Dead Ships? I’m not seeing how it is all connected.

[MH7] To do what?

[MH8] I’m afraid the query was confusing to me as the sentences didn’t clearly relate/connect from one to the next.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC1] Missing a hyphen here.

[EC2] I would like to have seen the previous sentence woven into this one rather than beginning the second with "it is" here.

[EC3] Book titles should be in all caps, not just your own but comps as well.

[EC4] I'd pass here. This is an awkward beginning, from the line of dialogue (which I'm not fond of in queries) to the sentence that followed. If he didn't hear those words, would Aunt Ruth be alive?

First 250 Words

Cerie’s small hand gripped the edge of the weathered grey wood on the cart drawn by a pair of white and brown Shire horses. The Celt Witch squinted her icy blue eyes[MH9] at the sun as she emerged from the overhanging limbs draped in twisted brambles at the edge of Dunarow Forest.

Frosty winds lashed Cerie’s dark blonde hair as her horse-drawn cart entered the moorlands. The Shire horses flared hooves crunched icy snow along the road that wound past a frozen lake[EC5]. With long winters and shorter summers, Celt farms would suffer, and food would become an issue. Cerie knew why many questioned her decision to open their doors[MH10]; however, in terrible times, you only survived by pulling together.

The Celts' staging area was eight miles from Caerini in the overgrown moorlands.  

Cerie made this journey more than ten times in the last two months. Today, she wouldn’t be returning alone. Around the next bend in the road, the staging area came into view. Bronze trusses formed a triangular aperture filled with shimmering purple energies that rolled like waves[MH11]. A militia column from the nearby village of Caerini formed a block of warriors clad in furs and chainmail, holding position near the magickal portal. Three other carts were lined up with their Shire horses a distance from the mystical doorway. These carts were loaded with furs and clothes that would soon be needed for a large group of people not acclimated to Northern Ireland’s harsh winters[MH12].

~~

Michelle's comments:

[MH9] You need to make sure details are important. Weathered grey wood tells us something, but eye color doesn’t.

[MH10] Opened their doors to what? Trade? I think more detail is needed here. But this does make me curious.

[MH11] Intriguing.

[MH12] I think for the sample I would want a better sense of Cerie’s motivations and personality. These paragraphs do make me curious and they interest me more than the query. I would have to pass on pages as I’m unsure what the story is about.

 

Ernie's comments:

[EC5] I'm not a fan of the writing. Stringing together adjective-noun after adjective-noun as they've done in the first few sentences here does not make me want to read on.

Results:

 

[If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Michelle - Pass

 

Ernie - Pass

 

Flash Fiction Friday

 

It's Flash Fiction Friday! For this week's contest, go to HuffPost's Weird News page and write a short piece based on a headline! 

Catching my eye this week is

 

I always knew he was out there somewhere...

Read all about it here.

Or feel free to choose any of the many lovely offerings.

Length: 2000 words
Deadline: Sunday, October 23, 2022, 2am Central Standard Time

Leave your entry in the comments, please. As always, the winner will get a badge and bragging rights!