So yesterday marked the day that my book will be coming out next year. A year from yesterday, I will be a published author. It seems so far away; however, I am already feeling nervous about the release. It's funny that, after all this time, instead of excitement, I feel so afraid.
Maybe afraid isn't the right word. I feel exposed. I've been working on publishing THE EMISSARY for years. I've stubbornly not given up on it. I've pushed and pushed and pushed. I've edited it countless times. And finally, when epic fantasy is turning around again, my book gets its time. You'd figure that I'd be jumping up and down. You'd figure that my dreams had finally come true. I'm not sure if rejection has made me skeptical, knowing that the bad reviews will come with the good. But I do know that this work, specifically, has so much of my passion, so much of my time and energy, that I feel as if I am ripping open my chest and exposing my heart to the world.
Do any of you have a book like that? One that, even though it may have failed, is the one that pulses though you to be seen? It's not that the story is about me or anything, but I've been so entwined with these characters, I've pushed until they could be seen.
And now that it is going to happen, I feel nervous. A year may seem like a long ways away, but I'm okay with it. I need that time to mentally prepare.
THE EMISSARY is up on goodreads now, for those of you who would like to wait with me. It doesn't have a cover yet, but that is coming along as well.
Absolutely! I can totally relate. Feel a bit like that right now with my new release. I anxiously wait for reviews then don't want to read them for fear of them ripping apart a book that I poured so much into. Scary business, this writing!
ReplyDeleteI've added The Emissary on Goodreads and eagerly anticipate it's release :)
I think every author wraps a little bit of their soul into their work. I guess that makes books a little like a horcrux, except we didn't kill anyone to do it. We just neglected things like cleaning and feeding our kids.
ReplyDeleteThe books I have published have not felt that way for me...but I have a couple I've written that are very personal with lots of "me" in them. I think those would be very hard to put out into the world. If people hate the character, I'd feel like they hated me. All my stories have bits of me sprinkled in, but not to the extent that these other books do. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI believe I will feel exactly this way when I take the next step. I was just saying this to someone, about the darkest moments in a book being like seeing the author naked. Robert Pattinson said he felt a little uncomfortable reading Twilight because it seemed like someone's private thoughts. He didn't mean Bella's; he meant Stephenie's. :) But we're writers because we want to share ourselves that way. Just like a singer on a stage needs to be heard, we need to be read. And you're there!
ReplyDeleteSo proud of/happy for you, Kristal! You have earned this! The exposure might be uncomfortable at first, but it's just awesome that you get to share these characters and their story with the world!
congrats on your book! hopefully you can celebrate that your book will be published; I know all too well how we can talk ourselves down from victories. I just had a fellow RWA member remind me to always celebrate the small stuff.
ReplyDeleteYup, and that book now has a publisher. I'll be joining you in 2013! Grats!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!! I have two, actually, I'm still working on that feel like that. I've set both aside while I edit my current wip but I will taking up the reins of one after these are done and then I'll follow that by working on the other. No, I haven't given up on the story or the characters, they're too much a part of my writer journey I've been on. It just took getting some more experience under my belt, to hopefully, get them right. Good luck!!
ReplyDelete