March 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #1

 

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Annalise Errico and Rebecca Podos for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 1: Sky Without Blue

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Query

Dear Agent, 

Having a crush on your boss is usually a bad idea, but for Willa Deveraux, it’s worse. As Chief of Staff, she needs to ensure the White House runs efficiently, not worry about how hot the President looks in a tuxedo. After a scandal of her own making threatens his chance at re-election, she’s forced to leave Washington and the man she secretly adores behind. 

A return to her environmental roots takes her to Southeast Asia where she and her companions are kidnapped by local bandits. She’s experienced in crisis situations, but this time the multi million-dollar ransom is beyond her family’s means and escape appears impossible. Her only chance of survival is intervention by the man she almost ruined[AE1]. 

President Maxwell Weston isn’t willing to negotiate with terrorists. Ever. Until he discovers one of the hostages is Willa. The woman he loves. 

The kidnappers’ deadline is fast approaching, and if Max does nothing, the hostages will die. Saving Willa would go against a decades-long government policy, ruin his credibility, and worst of all, risks his re-election prospects. 

But he can’t turn his back on Willa. Not again. 

SKY WITHOUT BLUE is a friends-to-lovers contemporary romance combining the setting of THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT with the suspense elements of SCANDAL. It is complete at 78,000 words. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

~~

Annalise's comments:

[AE1] I would stop here. Unfortunately, books that feature romantic relationships between a boss/employee are very hit-or-miss for me because the power balance, even when done tactfully, usually borders on toxic. That being said, I like to give queries with this trope a try because they can be done well.

In this specific query, though, having a traumatic event like a kidnapping is too much for me right now. Any trauma-heavy books (for example, kidnapping or abuse of any kind, especially on-page) are, subjectively, an automatic no due to our volatile sociopolitical day and age and my general brain-capacity at the moment, unfortunately.

Rebecca's comments:

None

First 250 Words

Contrary to popular belief, the most powerful man in the world can't always get what he wants. 

A fact I'm reminded of every damn day. 

I lean back in my armchair and toss the stack of files to the coffee table. The updates and paperwork never end. If I had my way, that's one, albeit minor, thing I would change, the paperwork. 

Outside the door to my penthouse suite, a woman laughs, followed by a soft rap on the door. My back straightens a moment before she sweeps in. 

An absolute vision. It's not until my lungs shudder that I realize I'm holding my breath. A gown of burnt orange whispers against her legs as she walks. With only one shoulder draped in fabric, the copper undertones of her skin glow, even more pronounced by the fact her long black hair is styled in an elegant chignon. We're not even downstairs yet and I know she'll be the most beautiful woman in the room. 

My Willa. My Blue. 

In addition to winning a second term, she's what I want most. 

However, the risks are high. Never mind Me Too and the fact I refuse to be one of 'those guys'. If she's not interested, it will make working together uncomfortable. She may leave altogether and I'll never find another Chief of Staff like her. She's the smartest, hardest working person I know. The not-so-secret key to my political career and I don't want to lose that. I need her.
 

~~

Annalise's comments:

None

 

Rebecca's comments:

I don’t think I would request pages based upon this query, for two reasons. One, I wanted more information in the set-up paragraph, about the relationship that does exist between the president and Willa (are they longtime friends? Purely professional? Have they ever flirted before?) and about the scandal of her own making. I don’t have a very full picture of this relationship, or what is threatening it, from the details included.

Things also take a very sharp turn from “a return to her environmental roots” becomes “kidnapped by local bandits.” That also takes this out of contemporary romance territory for me and more into romantic thriller territory, so it was very unexpected. I would definitely reevaluate the genre, when such a high stakes, life or death plot is involved. I don’t generally read/rep romantic thrillers, but I do rep contemporary romance, so being surprised by that plot point would probably stop me reading.
 

Results:  [If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name here or at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Annalise: Pass

Rebecca: Pass