March 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #3

 

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Annalise Errico and Rebecca Podos for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 3: The Companion’s Comeuppance

Genre: Historical Romance

Query

I’m excited to submit my historical romance THE COMPANION’S COMEUPPANCE to you. Perfect for fans of the relationship dynamic in Minverva Spencer’s OUTRAGEOUS and the setting of Lisa Kleypas’s COLD-HEARTED RAKE, my manuscript includes a plucky heroine, sharp social commentary, and a subverted childhood-enemies-to-lovers trope. It is complete at 82,000 words. Please note that this manuscript contains an off-page intimate partner violence backsory for a side character. 

It’s 1885, and the Industrial Revolution has left rural England in turmoil. Thousands flock to cities for work, leaving behind declining villages as the gentry lose their income and ancestral estates to poverty.

Facing bank foreclosure on her family’s estate, 24-year-old Alys Dolling, the frugal granddaughter of a viscount, swallows her pride and searches for employment as a lady’s companion to spare her father and sisters from poverty. 

Intending to claim the baronetcy left to him by his uncle, 23-year-old Sir Albert Pendrake has returned to the village he left as a teen. Haunted by memories of a drunken father and childhood bullies, he commits to supporting the local workhouse children to heal the scars–both literal and figurative–of his past. 

When Albert discovers that Alys Dolling–his worst childhood bully–is now his mother’s companion, he at first revels in fortune’s turning wheel, for now she is at his mercy. Alys falls for the baronet with extraordinary empathy and law acumen, but knows she ruined her chances years ago. Albert can't imagine that she would see him, once illiterate and dirty, as a catch. Besides, he doesn't seduce his employees. Despite their history and present differences in station, neither can deny the growing attraction between them. 

Alys and Albert must work together to fight a villainous new neighbor who threatens to ruin their village’s already precarious position. If they can avoid breaking one another's hearts. But with the village’s livelihood at stake, as well as Alys’s reputation, hearts may need to be broken to do the right thing for everyone.

~~

Annalise's comments:

None

Rebecca's comments:

None 

First 250 Words

June 1885, Northamptonshire, England 

The interior carriage paint was peeling. Alys’s fingers twitched at the urge to scrape away the mustard yellow evidence of genteel poverty. That would make it worse. Instead, Alys glanced out the window at the dusky sky. “We’ll be late.” She hated being late. 

Her sister, Mary, leaned back in the worn, maroon upholstered seat, careful not to disturb the turquoise hat pinned to her golden curls. “We’ll be fashionably late.” 

“We’d have been fashionably late if you hadn’t taken such time to curl your hair. As it is, we’re just late.” Alys smoothed her own honey-colored hair and watched mossy stone walls and grazing fields roll past the carriage window. 

Mary pursed her rosebud lips. “I couldn’t possibly show up at the assembly hall looking like a commoner! We are the granddaughters of a viscount. We owe the community some measure of class and decorum.” She gestured at the orange sky. “See, the sun hasn’t set yet.” 

“It’s Midsummer. Of course it hasn’t set yet,” Alys returned dryly. 

Their father snorted, eyes shut. At first Alys had thought he’d fallen asleep, lulled by the swaying motion of the carriage, but his lips were moving. Her heart twisted as she looked at his gray hair and lined forehead. Yesterday he’d met with the land agent to discuss quarterly profits, and it hadn’t gone well. Her father had been silent for almost a day now. 

“I heard the Sheltons are in London for the Season right now[AE1].

~~

Annalise's comments:

[AE1] Pages! I’m a sucker for historical romances especially when they feature some sort of social commentary/criticism. While reading the pages, I would be extra focused on how the boss/employee trope played out, but in general, in HF, I think there is a little more leeway because of the nature of their society. But that also means there needs to be some sort of discussion, implicit or explicit, of women’s rights — inside and outside of a romantic relationship — for me to feel like the author has equalled out the power dynamic (I think Evie Dunmore is a great example of this.)

 

Rebecca's comments:

This is a very strong query letter! I might have liked a little more information about the villainous neighbor to establish the stakes in the story beyond “will they like each other” but I would keep reading. The dialogue in these opening lines is snappy, with just enough description to set the scene and the era, and there’s already forward movement on the first page. This isn’t quite my genre, but I think this is really well done, and I would keep reading or request pages from this!

Results:  [If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name here or at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

Annalise: Pages!
 

Rebecca: Pages!