Of course, our first thought was to give him.... Ah hem. Well, you get the idea. But the more I thought about it, I realized he'd, of course, like the physical contact, but it wouldn't be long lasting for him. Why? Because Physical Touch isn't is primary love language. He is an Acts of Service type of guy.
There is a book by an author named Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. The author is Christian, mind you. But even if you aren't Christian, I believe the information inside the book is invaluable. For your marriage. For you children. And even for interaction with your parents and siblings. It's helped me understand the people around me, and it's even helped me understand myself. And now, it's helping me as a writer understand my characters, enabling me to make them more three-dimensional and real.
Just to break it all down for you. There are 5 love languages that people use to show and recieve affection.
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Time Spent
- Words of Affirmation
There are typically one or two of these that stand out to each of us. For example, Time Spent is my primary love language. Whereas Physical Touch is my husbands. So if my husband wants to show me that he loves me, his primary inclination would be to give me hugs and smooches. Unfortunately (for him) Physical Touch is like the 4th on my list. So, because he knows that about me, he forces himself to spend time with me. And I force myself to cuddle with him more, because I know that is how he recives love.
The same goes for my children. My oldest is also Time Spent. She hovers around me ALL THE TIME. Drives me crazy sometimes, but I know it is because she loves me. So to show her I care, I'll invite her out to a one on one shopping trip. Gifts is her secondary love language, so on our trip I'll buy her a little something. She feels loved.
My youngest daughter is Words of Affirmation. I will tell her she is special and wonderful and you can just see her glow with love.
So you can see that the same concepts can help us build our characters, help us understand how they would react. A Words of Affirmation gal would be more greatly affected by someone yelling at her and telling her he hates her. A Gifts character would be more moved by receiving a present. A Time Spent character would mentally gush over the lovely evening they spent with their romantic interest. A woman who is Physical Touch would be more moved by a kiss on the hand. The hard male character that is Acts of Service would DO something for the woman he loves. Like my friend's character. He repaired her horse's saddle for her, because he cares.
So, what is YOUR love language?
And, what is the primary love language of your main character?
Edit: Oh! I almost forgot. Don't forget to stop by a few of our blogs.
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