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Synopsis
Nine-year-old Tanner has special privileges at the zoo
because his dad is the director. He uses these privileges [this phrase is a
little awkward. Maybe ‘Because of that, he gets to spend time…’?] to spend time
with his animal friend, Gloria the chimpanzee. The zoo keepers allow him into
the back area of the chimp compound and let him help prepare Gloria’s food.
When the keepers announce that Gloria is expecting, Tanner is excited because
it will be her first baby. The special day arrives, and everyone is surprised
that her baby is all white. Tanner is given the honor of naming the [albino
baby] chimp. He chooses Angel thinking of his baseball team hat that Gloria
once stole from him when he delivered her food. [This is great. It introduces
us to Tanner, Gloria, and the inciting incident (the birth of Angel)]
The whole community [what community? Can you tell us where we
are?], even the world, is excited about the new albino chimp. But then the
excitement turns to horror a month later when the baby is suddenly gone. The police
find no clues as to how it happened [I would change ‘how it happened’ to ‘what
happened’]. However, [Take out ‘however’ and just start with ‘Blame falls on
Tanner’] blame falls on Tanner when he is suspected of leaving the back gate
unlocked one evening [it’s not just one evening, right? It’s the specific
evening Angel disappeared]. His father cuts off his visits to the zoo until further
notice. That means Tanner can’t console Gloria who is in crisis.
Tanner knows that he didn’t leave the gate unlocked but no
one will believe him. He must find out what happened if his father is ever to
trust him again. [Nice stakes, but it’s also because he’s close with Gloria and
wants to find her offspring, right?]
Tanner sees a flyer at school for a circus coming to town
that advertises a special surprise. He is sure the surprise is Angel. He begs
his father to take him to the circus but hides the reason why he wants to go.
When the surprise turns out to be a huge condor, Tanner’s hopes are smashed.
A chance call from his uncle, a New York museum curator, and
something he says [remove ‘and something he says,’ since that phrase makes the
sentence less clear] gives Tanner an idea. He searches the internet and finds a
newspaper article about people who collect rare animals. He connects the
article with the information from his uncle about a rumor [delete ‘about a
rumor’] that a rich man is looking for an object to buy and builds a theory of
who might have Angel. He tells his father, but the mystery remains as to how
they grabbed the chimp. [Isn’t the mystery still where Angel is? It might also
be how they grabbed Angel, but isn’t the more immediate issue finding Angel
(and then they can figure out what happened afterwards)?]
Determined, Tanner goes looking for clues behind the chimp
gate area, and finds a key buried in the dirt under the fence. The police must
have missed it. With help from the Police Chief and his [Tanner’s] uncle, the
thieves are caught, and Angel returns to the Zoo.
Even though Tanner is proved innocent of leaving the gate
open, trouble isn’t over. The zoo keepers aren’t sure if Gloria will accept her
baby back. There is a possibility she won’t. But Tanner isn’t ready to give up.
He knows he is connected to Gloria and that she loves him. He also knows she
recognizes his smell. He finds one of his dirty shirts in the laundry and
rushes it over to the chimp compound. A keeper drapes the shirt onto Angel and
lets Gloria see him in another room. At first Gloria shows aggression but calms
down when she sniffs the baby. Gloria slowly approaches her baby and then pulls
him towards her to snuggle. [You might need to clarify this a bit. Gloria
accepts Angel because Angel smells like Tanner, and Gloria loves and trusts
Tanner?]
The zoo keepers congratulate one another, and Tanner earns
the praise of everyone, especially his father.
Summary
Really nice job with this, and it sounds like a fun story!
You’ve kept the synopsis focused on Tanner, what he wants (to find Angel), the
stakes (that his father will never trust him again if he doesn’t find Angel),
and it all ties together nicely. I’ve noted a few places where greater clarity
could help, but this is pretty much ready to go. Great job!
1 comment:
Good advice to make it stronger.
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