Always Know Yourself Before...

During my trip to New York, I saw a lot of interesting sites, and had a great conference experience at Book Expo America.

Before visiting the city, I had a chance to go to Caffe Lena in Saratoga Springs, where the likes of Bob Dylan and other folk musicians have performed. That night, it was a unique blend of blues--sliding guitar, tuba, and trombone. But most fascinating was what I encountered in the bathroom:

"Always know yourself before making a decision that may change your life"

While the walls were covered in inspirational quotes, I picked this one above the others because it's so deceptively simple: "Always know yourself before making a decision that may change your life." Because better decisions are made when you have your own best interests in mind. And knowing what those interests are is key in determining whether a decision is a good fit.

As with anything, this can be applied to writing at all levels:

Crafting stage: When you are still in the process of editing your work, and getting it critiqued by others, make sure feedback resonates with the story you want to write. Don't assume that someone knows more than you, or that negative feedback means you have to change the story entirely.

How to Know Yourself: Think, reflect, and figure out which feedback resonates with you most. Be with it for awhile to see what sticks and what doesn't. That way, you can save having to revert to a previous draft when someone else's recommendations aren't working (though this isn't unheard of--I've had to do it myself).

Agented/publishing/selling stage: From what I understand, this can be a perilous stage because it involves a lot of waiting. And waiting can inevitably morph into unnecessarily questioning yourself. Or settling for a deal that might not be right for you in the long run in order to relieve immediate stress.

How to Know Yourself: Be sure of the direction you want your career to go. Make the decisions that honor that, even if it means waiting to see yourself in print. Because settling for something lesser means possibly having to undo it later on--and that isn't always an option.

What about you? In what ways do you know yourself? And how do these inform your decisions going forward? 

Two Reactions When You Tell Non-Writers You Have a Book Out

The other day, a friend was feeling insecure because of the reaction she got when she told people her book was self-published. It's the same reaction I get when I tell people about my own book, out from a newer medium-sized press. It's the same reaction I've heard directed at Big-Five published authors.

So I realized there are two main reactions anyone gets when they tell non-writers they have a book (or books) out:

Not impressed.

1) They are impressed because I've written and published a book, and the details don't matter.

2) They are not impressed and could never be impressed, because they've never heard of me, my book or my publisher, my genre is wrong, my method of publishing is wrong, my book is published in the wrong format, their cousin got published much younger than I am, there's no movie of my book, their next-door-neighbor has a Pulitzer, National Book Award, Newbery, and Caldecott for a string of New York Times bestsellers, and they are absolutely sure they'd do better if they tried it themselves.

When I get Reaction Number One, my tendency is to downplay what I've done. After all, when you hang out with writers, it seems like everyone writes books! But it's not that way for non-writers, so now I try to just take the compliment. Writing books is hard! I know it. You know it. Everyone I know who writes books knows it. And people who don't write books know it too. It's an accomplishment.

Reaction Number Two is the one that undermines confidence, and no writer is immune because there are always writers who are more successful, or who others perceive as producing books that matter more.

But the reaction that really matters isn't from people at cocktail parties or the line at the post office, but people who actually read my book. If I amuse, touch, provoke, or create a reaction, that's what really matters. I write for readers and myself, not for a conversational starter.

And while I don't know how everyone I meet has a cousin who won a Nobel Prize for Literature at the age of 22, it seems to happen. So I try to take the intent of speaker not as showupmanship, but as a conversational convention, like when you find out somebody is from the same hometown as your college roommate and you are compelled to ask if they know her.

Non-writers are just looking for common ground, same as me -- something to say. And guess what? I'm impressed by their cousin, because it IS an accomplishment, and I love any opening to talk about books, writing, the business of publishing, and people we know in common. Odds are, someone who isn't impressed knows -- or thinks they know -- about books and publishing, and there are a lot of directions that conversation can go. I want interaction, not accolades.

So bring on Reaction Number Two.