Monday, December 9, 2019

First 50 Critique - YA/Fantasy #2


For all the details of how this works, click here.  We are NOT accepting entries this week.  But if you want to enter when we DO open the entry period, you must post a critique on at least TWO previous entries before you'll be able to submit.

Reminder: Be nice, but be honest. [Comments that are not polite/respectful will be deleted.] What would YOU like to know if this was YOUR first 50 words? Do you think it's a good opening line for the category/genre? Does it have a hook? Does it pull you into the story? Do you want to read more? Why or why not? Be specific, so your critique helps the person who wrote the entry.

Here's this week's entry.

First 50 Words - YA/Fantasy/Speculative #2

I hope I’ll survive high school without being hauled off by the government’s newest taskforce. The vice-principal whispered to the cafeteria guy about today’s raid. Only one state away. I wonder if someone else I know was taken? As if the first day of high school isn’t stressful enough. 


2 comments:

  1. Love, love, LOVE the opening line. I think it would help to hear the V.P.'s whisper and maybe see where the whisper is said. If someone else she knows was taken, that might take precedence over whining about the stress of high school, but that line does give a nice self-centered teen vibe. LOL

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  2. Great first sentence! Sets up style, tone and genre in a really concise way.

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