Wednesday, July 27, 2022

July 2022 Pass or Pages Entry #3

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agent Ann Leslie Tuttle for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry 3: Pain and Passion: In the Golden Land

Genre:  Adult Contemporary


Dear Agent, 

For Raven Dupré, spending a year in Peru is an experience of a lifetime. She can start her career after graduating, complete her church mission, and redeem herself as the black sheep of the family. But when her graduate program proves more difficult than she thought, Raven realizes she needs to get a tutor. With limited funds, Raven can only afford one tutor, the hot free one who pesters her in class.

Amelio Velasques Canessa thought moving back to Peru was going to be simple. He’d take a few graduate classes, work in the family business, and enjoy time with his former friends. But Amelio's true heart lies in the art of making delicious food. With Amelio’s grades failing, his father gives him an ultimatum: improve or be cut off. With no other choice, Amelio decides to listen to his father and hire a tutor who wants to stick to business rather than lusting after him. 

As Raven and Amelio help each other reach their educational goals, the walls begin to fall, and they can no longer keep their meetings strictly business[ALT1]. But when Amelio’s father finds out, he has no qualms about shattering the new couple's memories. Heartbroken and pregnant, Raven moves back to the United States, now a disgrace to her religiously-devout Creole family. Blindsided and depressed, Amelio steps into his undesired role as the heir to his family’s prospering company. But Raven and Amelio still dream of the moments they once shared. 

During a chance discovery that Raven is pregnant, Amelio drops everything to try to be with her. But can this forbidden love truly overcome the mountains and oceans between them? 

PAIN AND PASSION: IN THE GOLDEN LAND is a 104,000-word[ALT2] adult contemporary family saga romance. It blends the relationship aspects of A Cuban Girl’s Guide to Tea and Tomorrow by Laura Taylor Namey, with the trials, socio-economic gap, and forbiddenness of Sonali Dev’s, Pride, Prejudice, and Other Flavors. 

Thank you for your consideration. 


Ann's comments:
[ALT1] I’d probably stop reading here as plotting is feeling somewhat predictable and no bigger, unfamiliar twists.
[ALT2] Too long.

First 250 Words

Walking along the edge of the running track, Raven shielded her eyes from the forbidden temptations of the golden summer sun. Reaching the starting spot, she recited her prayer of supplication. After forgiveness flowed through her, she briefly placed the tip of her shoe on the edge of the metal bleacher to tighten the laces.[ALT3]

A loud mechanical roar swept over the field, and Raven lifted her head, her hazel eyes seeking out the source of the sound. Even on the other side of the field, she caught sight of the lawn mower and the man sitting in its seat. She wanted to ignore Nandin’s enthusiastic wave and his ever-so-familiar playboy grin.

Raven ripped her eyes away from the glistening muscles that lined his carob-brown arms.

Where are they?

She glanced at her watch, then bit her nail, hoping he would stay far away. With him being this near, the past was too close to her.

“Hey, Rave!” She turned towards the boisterous cry of Kristina.

Raven rushed over to her friends, still avoiding his gaze. “Finally! What took you two so long? Well, at least you’re dressed.”

“Sorry girl, Zara here—” Kristina started.

“Me?!” Zara pointed to herself, and her ivory-olive cheeks turned pink.

“It’s okay—” Raven said, wanting to finish this run as fast as she could.

Kristina clipped her bedazzled inhaler to her designer waistband, then tossed her bag onto the bleachers. “Yes, you. Like I said, Zara was preoccupied with Víctor.”


Ann's comments:
[ALT3] Prose feels somewhat overblown.


Results:  [If you receive a "Pages!", click on the agent's name at the top of this post for submission instructions.]

No comments: