Dear O'Abby: How true does my memoir have to be?

 Dear O'Abby,

I'm writing a memoir about my experiences traveling the Silk Road in the late 1970s and early '80s.  It was something I did a few times as I was a tour guide in the region, mainly escorting fairly high profile individuals on their journeys.  We had some adventures, I tell you!

Which is why I'm wanting to write this memoir.  

What I'm wondering, is how much can I stray from the truth?  I'm not wanting to make stuff up wholesale, but I feel like there are a few details I'd like to change, mainly to avoid these high profile people getting pissed off about the way they are portrayed.  I'm not going to use names (they'll be identified only as The Politician, The Rock Star, The Mafia Don etc), but I'm certain people will recognise who I'm writing about even without names.

The general gist of events will be the same, but I'm wondering how much leeway I have to change certain elements.

Kind regards,

Memoirist

Dear Memoirist,

Sounds like a fascinating story!  And what challenging time to be travelling in that region.

In terms of straying from the truth, I'm of the opinion that memoir is your own recollection of an event and everyone remembers things differently.  Just think about any family gathering when people recall something - a Christmas past or a funeral or anything, actually - everyone is going to have a slightly different recollection of what happened, who was there and what was said and done.  So there is definitely some leeway to write your own memories of an event.

But I think what you're talking about is more like exaggeration or embellishment or obscuring of facts and that is a more contentious issue.  Writers have been publicly eviscerated (see James Frey, Dan Mallory and JT Leroy, among others) when the so-called truth in their non-fiction books were revealed to be false.  People hate to feel as if they have been made a fool of, and being presented something as a true story that is later revealed to be not true at all, makes them feel foolish.

So I would be careful about what you present as true.  If there is a lot that you are going to need to fictionalise, maybe consider writing your book as fiction, rather than memoir.  It sounds like you have great material to draw on and the first-hand experience to make the world and the people in it realistic and engaging.  You can even use your experience as a selling point by explaining the events in the novel are based on your own experiences in this place at that time.

But if you feel like it has to be a memoir, it would definitely be worth including an author's note explaining that some events and characters have been changed for dramatic effect and to protect the identities of people involved.

Hope that helps!  And do let me know when the book comes out.  I already want to read it!

X O'Abby

Dear O'Abby: What the heck is creative non-fiction?

 Dear O'Abby,

I'm confused and I hope you can help me.  

I've been working on a memoir for several years and have finally reached a point where I feel it's ready for some readers.  I joined an online writing group that was recommended to me by friend who also writes and the feedback I've received thus far has been...well...a little confusing.

Several of the people who have read my memoir have suggested that I ought to think about re-writing it as creative non-fiction to make it more accessible to readers.  I haven't been able to respond to these critiques yet because, to be honest, I have no idea what creative non-fiction actually is.  I thought that memoirs were, by nature, non-fiction because they are telling a true story.  And novels are creative because you make them up.  Are these other writers asking me to make up my own life?

Can you shed some light so I can figure out what the heck these people want from my book?

Yours, 

Baffled

Dear Baffled,

Creative non-fiction is basically a catch-all term for true stories written in a way that will engage readers the same way a novel might.  It does not in any way mean that you should make up or embellish or exaggerate any of the facts about your life.  By calling your book a memoir, you are creating an expectation in the reader that the events presented in your book are true.

Where the creative part comes in is in the writing, the way you craft the stories about your life.

Without having read your book, it's difficult for me to know exactly what your critique group is referencing, but for me, when reading a memoir, I want more than just a series of events on the page.  I want to know the person whose life I'm reading about and to do that, the writer needs to immerse me in the world they are describing.

A compelling memoir vividly describes place, people, emotions and anything else relevant to whatever event is being written about.  Events of little significance can be left out unless they are linked in some way to the bigger events that might have shaped the writer and brought them to the place they are today.

Actual conversations may not be remembered word-for-word, but the gist or purpose of these conversations will be remembered and can be sparingly re-created to give the event more immediacy and to bring other people important to the writer to life.

If you're writing the story of a life, for it to be satisfying, it still needs to follow a narrative structure with the main character (in this case, you) growing and changing over the course of the book. Basically, what you need to do is make your own story into a compelling narrative.

Hopefully this has been helpful.  Best of luck with your memoir!

X O'Abby

#BookReview of Committed by Paolina Milana

I could talk about mental health and trauma for several posts and recommend several books to read. What makes Committed by Paolina Milana a great choice is the realness of Paolina's experience and the way she uses language to describe her experiences. It is a gift to experience someone's story in this honest and forthright way. This book is an excellent choice for anyone interested in reading a firsthand account about the search for freedom and independence after taking care of a loved one experiencing mental illness. I received a free PDF of the book for this review. 

 

The pacing is on point and brings Paolina's experiences into a light of understanding that is relatable, educational, and heartbreaking. I highly recommend reading Committed and taking it slow to truly engage with Paolina's experiences and resilience. Some material may be triggering, particularly the death of a parent and suicide. 

I have not read the S Word by Paolina yet, but I intend to read it and then reread Committed. I could relate to Paolina's experience without the details in The S Word, and I am curious if the memoirs could be stand alones or if I would recommend reading them in a certain order.

 

I finished the book. It was enlightening for me to experience Paolina's letters to and from her family since I am unfamiliar with Italian.  One of my key factors for reading books is if I would recommend it to others, and if I would reread the book.  I would do both, recommending to others and to reread the book myself. I was reminded of The Memory Palace by Mira Bartok and her experiences with her mother experiencing schizophrenia. There are several books on my to do list that are related to Paolina's experiences.

The theme is captured by the following sentences: “I stared down at my mound of misery, crumpled messily inside my box. For now, my priorities were all me: wrap up class projects, focus on finals, and finish registering for next semester. I inhaled until my lungs could take in no more and held it.”

Overall the book was easy to read and engaging. I appreciated Paolina's experiences and insight throughout this book. I look forward to reading more of Paolina's work and rereading Committed.

Stranger Than Fiction: Using Personal Experience

Have you ever played the game, Three Truths and a Lie? It's one of my favorite getting-to-know-you games because it requires people to think of three true things about them that are so unique they seem unlikely, and it teaches you something about how they lie. Will the lie be obvious or so detailed, it blends right into the truths? But what's really remarkable about playing this game is the discovery that TRUTH really is STRANGER THAN FICTION.

For instance, my three truths always include these: 

I survived a plane crash when I was two years old.
I went skydiving in Canada, and I jumped twice.
I never saw snow in real life until I was eighteen and went away to college.

My lie would always be somewhat lame. I'd exaggerate the number of kids I have (say 8 instead of 5) or say I've been to Hawaii (sadly, still a lie). It turns out I'm terrible at lying. I guess there are worse things! But each person's lie is true for someone else. One of my favorite friends in my neighborhood does, in fact, have 8 kids. And two of my siblings have lived in Hawaii. Did they fly me out to see them? Of course not. Everyone who lives in Hawaii is broke. But am I bitter?

So when we are writing fiction, basically telling lies we hope are convincing enough to convey ideas and themes, we actually rely on an ample portion of the truth, whether that truth belongs to us personally or not. If I were to write about Hawaii, my family's experiences there would factor into my narrative. If I were to write about a 19-year-old girl about to jump out of a small airplane that resembled the small airplane she crashed in with her family when she was 2 years old, I would draw on my own anxieties from that experience.

For this reason, I find that the best UNIVERSAL advice for good writing is this: live.

Living gives us scope and empathy, the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes that's essential to good fiction. In the absence of time traveling to China in the 1960s, however, you may find it preferable to read someone else's truth. Memoir should have a respected place on every fiction writer's bookshelves. Memoir is great writing because it's true and that truth is stranger than fiction.

The last memoir I read was Red Scarf Girl by Ji-li Jiang. If I hadn't been told it is a true story, I would not believe it. The happenings are so alien to my ideas of proper government and community action that it strains credibility. Why would people act that way?

Memoir brings us to the heart of all good fiction: the WHY, the motive of our heroes and supporting characters. Why would his sister betray him after spending all their childhood mothering him? Why would her lover kill himself on the eve of their anniversary? Why would the pull of glory be so strong it could make a young child change her name and give up a rich cultural heritage to act on a foreign stage?

And in every answer there is room for still more questions.

That's what makes the truth so much stranger than fiction. How do you infuse your stories with the clarion ring of strange truth?