#BookReview of Committed by Paolina Milana

I could talk about mental health and trauma for several posts and recommend several books to read. What makes Committed by Paolina Milana a great choice is the realness of Paolina's experience and the way she uses language to describe her experiences. It is a gift to experience someone's story in this honest and forthright way. This book is an excellent choice for anyone interested in reading a firsthand account about the search for freedom and independence after taking care of a loved one experiencing mental illness. I received a free PDF of the book for this review. 

 

The pacing is on point and brings Paolina's experiences into a light of understanding that is relatable, educational, and heartbreaking. I highly recommend reading Committed and taking it slow to truly engage with Paolina's experiences and resilience. Some material may be triggering, particularly the death of a parent and suicide. 

I have not read the S Word by Paolina yet, but I intend to read it and then reread Committed. I could relate to Paolina's experience without the details in The S Word, and I am curious if the memoirs could be stand alones or if I would recommend reading them in a certain order.

 

I finished the book. It was enlightening for me to experience Paolina's letters to and from her family since I am unfamiliar with Italian.  One of my key factors for reading books is if I would recommend it to others, and if I would reread the book.  I would do both, recommending to others and to reread the book myself. I was reminded of The Memory Palace by Mira Bartok and her experiences with her mother experiencing schizophrenia. There are several books on my to do list that are related to Paolina's experiences.

The theme is captured by the following sentences: “I stared down at my mound of misery, crumpled messily inside my box. For now, my priorities were all me: wrap up class projects, focus on finals, and finish registering for next semester. I inhaled until my lungs could take in no more and held it.”

Overall the book was easy to read and engaging. I appreciated Paolina's experiences and insight throughout this book. I look forward to reading more of Paolina's work and rereading Committed.

Dear O'Abby, Is Writer's Block Real?

Dear O'Abby,

I've been in such a writing funk for the last few months.  None of my projects really interests me, and I can't seem to figure out how to fix the plot and/or pacing problems in any of them.  I've never faced 'writer's block' before, never even believed it was a real thing, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong.

Is 'writer's block' a real thing, or is it just an excuse writers use when they don't want to write?

Best wishes,

Blocked


Dear Blocked,

I don't really know if writer's block is a real thing or not.  I just know it feels real when you reach a point in your story where you realize you don't know what happens next and nothing you try seems to move the plot forward or toward the next piece of plot.

Generally speaking, when this happens to me, I leave the project alone for a few days.  I work on something else - a revision, a critique for another writer, a short story - and that usually unsticks me.

But it isn't always that simple.

Sometimes what we call 'writer's block' is your brain telling you there's something else wrong.  Maybe you've been working too hard and need a break.  Maybe your mental health is wavering a little.  Maybe you've just been writing too much and are burning out as a result.

It's important to listen to that voice, to pay attention to what your body might be trying to tell you.  Maybe it is just that you made a wrong turn somewhere around chapter 17 and if you go back and straighten that out, all your problems at the current point in the story will miraculously disappear, but maybe it's something more.

I know most of us write in our downtime.  We have day jobs and families and friends and responsibilities.  These things all take time and energy to maintain - and it's important to maintain them.  Sometimes writing and feeling the responsibility to write adds more pressure to an already pressured situation.

Maybe your hours have been cut at your day job and that means you're struggling to feed your family. Trying to write with that level of stress hanging over you might prove difficult.  Maybe you can't even do it, even though you now have all those extra hours to write available.

It's okay to take a break.  It's okay to stop writing, even if you're on a deadline (just make sure you get in touch with your agent and/or editor and explain the situation).  Sometimes we all need to take a break and do something different.  The writing will still be there and it will probably be better if you're not forcing it when you don't feel it.

It's okay to be kind to yourself.  A little time away from the page is sometimes exactly what you need to figure out what the problem was in the first place.

I still don't know if writer's block is real, I just know that if you are feeling it, it's something you should pay attention to.

X O'Abby

National Mental Health Awareness Month - What We Can Do as Writers

Last time I checked (and maybe it's been a while), I was human. The tricky thing about being human - that is, being a brain driving a barely-held-together bag of meat and bones - means we make mistakes. Cthulhu knows I've made a lot of them. Like that time I tried to make banana bread muffins without adding flour. Or the time I recycled a receipt, on the back of which my partner had written a bunch of measurements he needed for a home improvement project. Or the several months in which I tried to query a 168,000-word YA fantasy manuscript.

Yup. Mistakes have been made.

It's okay to talk about mistakes. Oftentimes, the only way we can improve - whether it's our attitude, our behavior, our craft, or any number of other things - is by understanding how we have failed in the past. And yet, as querying writers, it can be so hard to talk about mistakes, or about anything that's gone wrong in our querying lives recently. Sometimes, it feels as if we have to pretend as though nothing bad ever happens. Those 50 unanswered queries? Never happened. That blistering feedback from a CP? All good. Nope, nothing unpleasant to see here, folks, here's a photo of my cat.

There's this fear that we can't say anything even remotely negative on social media, Twitter especially, because an agent might see it. Not even just agents anymore - there's this fear that anyone could see a tweet, take a screenshot, and sit on it, just waiting for the right moment to cancel us. It leads to this idea that we have to be perfect online: no mention of failure, of mistakes, of problems, of how much we're struggling. Everything has to be flawless, carefully curated quiet perfection.

It doesn't have to be this way. May is National Mental Health Awareness Month. As writers, let's start to normalize the practice of admitting when we fail, or talking openly about our struggles when things get tough. Let's admit to the fact that we sent all those unanswered queries. Let's let it be okay to have to work for our successes. And as a community, let's stop condemning the truth about how hard writing can be to the silent darkness.

Dear O'Abby: My body is conspiring against me winning NaNo. Help!

Dear O'Abby,

I signed up to do NaNo this year for the first time and a week in, I'm already struggling.  I did tons of prep beforehand and I know what I want to write, but I have a physical condition which makes it difficult to sit in one position very long, and it's hindering my ability to reach the necessary word count each day.  I already have anxiety issues, and not reaching my daily word count is making me even more anxious. And that's making it even harder to write. Do you have any advice?

Yours,

Word Panic

Dear Word Panic,

I don't know exactly what your situation is, but you mention physical discomfort while sitting too long.  Is there a possibility you could stand?  I use a standing desk at work and that has immeasurably improved a long-standing struggle I had with arm, back and shoulder pain.  If you can't get yourself a standing desk, it's possible to raise your computer or desk using phone books, bricks, dictionaries and the like.  I also find the kitchen counters are a good height for standing and typing.

If that's not an option, maybe you could break your writing time down into small chunks so you can sit and write only as long as it's comfortable.  Then stop, do something else, and go back to the writing when you feel like you can sit again.  You will soon figure out how many words you can get through in each chunk so you'll be able to figure out how many writing sessions you will need to reach your word count each day, and how to schedule them around the rest of your life.

But even if you don't figure it out, at least you gave it a shot.  You got some words on a page. NaNo isn't for everyone.  Some people thrive on the pressure of having a daily goal to reach, but for others, it's added stress that isn't needed.  Especially while juggling everyday life as well.

If NaNo is making you anxious and you're feeling like you can't cope, it's not the end of the world if you stop.  No one is going to die if you don't write 50,000 words in November.  It's no crime if you take until January to hit that 50K mark.  What's important is that you want to write a book, and you've started it.  Keep writing, even if you're not writing the 1,667 words a day NaNo dictates.  Write what you can and keep going.

X O'Abby

Mental Illness and Fantasy Fiction

In the course of the Big Picture edits for my YA UF novel, Crow's Rest, one of the aspects my editor Owen Dean and I talked about is the handling of mental illness. I would never want anyone to feel like I was minimizing their experiences, or treating a mental illness like a funny character quirk, so I offered up some lengthy comments in the notes I returned to him.

I shared how I've struggled with depression my entire life, along with its close companion, anxiety. Like other members of my family, I also have a learning disability and sensory issues. And then to cap it all off, I was on the verge of being diagnosed as bipolar, before we figured out it was a thyroid issue.

Now I know it’s a matter of getting my thyroid meds correct (not an easy task in itself) and it’s mostly leveled out, but it was a very scary and helpless-feeling way to find that out. I'm actually kind of glad that I didn't get all the other diagnoses when I was a teen--the depression was quite enough to deal with as they tried various medications on me and we failed to find a good match.

As it was, much of my love of reading and writing fantasy fiction stemmed from a heartfelt wish that my depression could be easily explained some other way--and therefore easily cured. What if it was actually a magical curse, and all I needed to do was find an antidote? What if some unseen creature was responsible for how I felt (Dementors, anyone?), no matter how I worked to stay upbeat?

I’m aware that I can’t play the “what if” game without the expectation of sensitive issues (and my handling of them) being brought up, but I’m okay with that. I don't expect this book to be labeled a realistic view of the experience of mental illness (there are certainly books out there that accomplish that), nor is it meant to be. It's absolute wish fulfillment for my teenage self, and I like to think there's room for that too.

Any dialogue that helps get people talking about the ramifications of mental illness is for the better, in my view. And if reading my book helps a teen feel not quite so alone with a struggle, or helps them escape their worries for a time, then I've paid it forward from all the authors who accomplished that for me.