Gratefulness for Rejection

I am no stranger to rejection. In middle school, I was bullied. I often felt like the left out loser. And even now, in adulthood, I sometimes feel that way, too. But my bullying experiences as a youth has made me more sensitive and sympathetic to people now. 

My writing journey has reflected a similar journey. When I finished my first book, I wanted to be the person that sent out 5 query letters, had all 5 agents fighting over me, and publishers pushing each other out of the way to gain my attention. My journey is NOTHING like that. It took me at least 70 queries (and 69 rejections) to get my agent. And, even after that, my book did not sell. It had great prospects. I even had an editor ask for revisions. But in the end, it was rejected and my book failed. It was at that point in my writing life that my writing stalled. For several years, I couldn't focus on my words. I puttered around with a few projects, but that rejection, so close to publication, really injured me. 

To rub salt in my wound, I had hung out with a group of writers on the Query Tracker forums. We were the original members of Query Tracker, and we had a private area where we commiserated and cheered each other on. None of us were published. We all climbed the ladder to that goal. And one by one, they succeeded. And though I was happy for them, I was jealous as well. You may recognize some of their names.

Elana Johnson

Scott Tracey

Leah Clifford

Cole Gibson

Mary Lindsey

Bethany Wiggins

Jessica Verday

And recently, two more of those QT buds had their books sell.

Lisa Amowitz

and our very own

Michelle McLean

I am one of the last ones in this original group NOT to be published. 

Last year I entered Angry Robot's Open Door submission. Out of 944 submissions, approximately 24 made it to the level of editorial. Out of those, 3 were chosen to be published. An additional 3 were asked to rewrite and revise. I was one of those 3. 

The three of us waited, and waited, and chatted together. We angsted about our submissions. My two new friends were offered contracts, and I still waited on.

So out of nearly 1,000 submissions, I was the LAST to hear. It reminded me a bit of those early days in my life, when I stood by myself as kids picked teams for kick ball on the playground. Recently, I finally heard my answer. And yup, you guessed it.

After 13 months of waiting, it was rejected by an editor again. 

Of course I was ticked, especially when you get a near form rejection after a complete rewrite. But after a day of stewing, I realized I would be just fine.

My writing was good enough to gain specific attention of editors TWICE now. I was good enough to get an agent. Good enough to be the top six of nearly 1,000 submissions. And though it may not have sold (yet), and I still may be the writer looking at the big boys (or girls), the writer watching my friends succeed, I've gained a lot of confidence from this submission--even if it ended in rejection.

A new writing friend sold a book recently. She had the dream path with the multiple agents and the easy sale. She stressed over everything, waiting on the agents, waiting on the editors.

And her experience and actions made me realize, I am grateful I did not have an easy path, after all. 

I know when my time comes (and it WILL, dang it!) I will be stronger than those waltzing in and gaining success right away. I will be better able to handle the bad reviews (there are ALWAYS bad reviews) and I will be more sympathetic to the underdogs, the ones that struggled, even the authors that decide to self publish and do it their own way. It's helped me learn. It's helped me grow. It's thickened my skin. It's made me a fighter. It's taught me to trudge through the snowstorm of adversity. Failure has helped me be a better writer and a better person.

And when success DOES come, it will be oh so sweet.