Staying Positive in a Negative World

Not a day goes by that I don't see an agent post something on Twitter about getting a nasty response to a rejection. Or an author bashing other authors over writing craft, word choices etc. It's disappointing, but I know it's the reality of life. People don't take rejection well. And don't vent their frustrations in perhaps the most appropriate ways.

From day one, I've decided that I'm not going to head down that negative path. When I put something out on social media, I want it to be positive, uplifting, and hopefully encouraging. It's too easy now a days to jump on the bashing bandwagon. Rip an author for killing a beloved character, or get angry at an agent for sending a form rejection on a full request. When I see people doing this I wonder, what are you getting out of that? Yes, you're venting a frustration, but is it furthering your career? It may feel good at the time, but are you going to look back at your feed and regret it? For most people, I'd say yes.




See here's the thing, this business is all about rejection. It first happens when you share your work with a CP who may not warm to your writing style. Then it will come when you query and you get rejection after rejection. If you're lucky enough to connect with an agent, it may appear during the submission process. And in turn from an editor who dislikes one of your favorite scenes. And just when you're at the golden point of publication, you may get negative reviews from readers.




Negativity is a part of  life, I get that. But how we choose to address that painful rejection of our work is totally in our hands. When I get a "no" from an agent, I turn the frustration into a driving energy to push my work harder. Make my craft better. When a CP rips into my manuscript, I step back from it and remind myself that they're not tearing me down as a person, rather challenging me to become a better wordsmith. 




The choice is in your hands on how you want to be portrayed in this business. You can decide to be that person who always shouts ugly things from the rooftops when they get a negative review or an agent turns them away. But, I have to ask, "Where is that going to get you? Who's going to want to work with you? Is that response going to get you published?" Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. But it will earn you a reputation that's for sure.




For me, I don't see the point in it. Put good out in the world and will come back. Now, let me clear: I'm not a total Pollyanna. I get pissed when I think my manuscript is there, and I don't get requests. Believe me, I can curse, and shout, and throw things with the best of them. But, I choose to do that in private. I've heard too many times how small the publishing world is, and I believe it.




So as a writer, I want to know how you handle your frustrations? Do you think it's okay to vent on social media when you have a valid complaint? Do you have good ways to deal with a rejection? I'd love to hear about them in the comments.

Positive Attitudes - Lessons from a 7 Year Old

Greetings from the depths of deadline drudgery ;-) This is a little something from a few years back, but it's something that I love to read over and over again.

It's just amazing what you can learn from your children :)

So much about surviving in this business depends on attitude. Rejections, critiques, reviews...they can all get to you if you don't have the right attitude about them. Keeping a positive attitude can be anything but easy.

But it is possible to have a positive attitude about anything if you choose. Something that was brought home to me as I watched my 7 year old open his presents on Christmas morning. He's a cute kid on any morning, but this Christmas, he was so flippin adorable I almost couldn't stand it. He didn't stop smiling once, not even when things didn't really go the way he wanted. For instance, he and his sister received desks (she for her art, he for his science and art projects). They were both very excited about them, and about the presents stacked on top.

Now, these presents went along with their desks (they were filled with office supplies, crayons, markers, stickers, etc). And since they both always get in my computer paper for their projects, I thought having their very own stash of paper would be fun. My son unwrapped his paper (it was the first present he unwrapped) and when he saw what it was, he said, "Oh you gotta be kidding! Paper?"

Now, he could have said this as "Oh you gotta be kidding, paper?" *insert sarcasm and exasperated eye roll* But it was said with a laugh and a smile. He put the paper to the side (instead of chucking it across the room) and moved on. Some kids would have reacted with a much different attitude. (And he has since had a lot of fun with that paper, so it's all good) :D

My favorite moment of the day came a few minutes later as he was going through his stocking. He found a box of those storybook lifesavers (which Santa forgot he didn't care for). He held them up, smile from ear to ear, laugh in his voice, and said "Awesome I hate these!"

Now, I think he was saying "awesome" and then realized what it was and switched to "I hate these" - but either way, he didn't throw a fit, he didn't even look disappointed, he just put them down and moved on. And gave the rest of us a good belly laugh at the same time :D

It got me thinking. How do we react when something doesn't go our way in the writing world? What do we do when a request that looked so promising comes back with a rejection? What do we do when a manuscript we thought was clean and polished and ready to go comes back from a critiquing with so much red you can't see the white of the pages anymore? Or when a book we've bled and sweated over is published and comes back with horrible reviews or sales numbers?

I realize everyone is going to have a moment where they want to quit, hit delete and never write again, or shoot off a nasty email to the person who sent that rejection or critique or terrible review. It's natural and totally understandable to feel supreme disappointment. We pour our hearts and souls into our work and it hurts when it doesn't make it.

You can't do anything about how other people view your work. You can't make an agent sign you, or make that editor buy your book, or make your crit partners send your manuscript with a big smiley face and a "PERFECT!" rating. But you can politely thank your crit partners and move on, even if you cried yourself to sleep over their comments, even if you'll never use one of their suggestions. They took time away from their own work to read yours. Just say thank you with a smile on your face and move on.

Got a bad reject or review? STAY AWAY FROM THE REPLY BUTTON. Resist the urge to tell that agent/editor/reviewer that they don't know what they are talking about. Maybe they don't. Maybe passing on your book will someday be the biggest regret they ever have. I'm sure the people who passed on Stephanie Meyer and JK Rowling and John Grisham give themselves a little kick every now and then. But it doesn't matter.

This business is subjective in the extreme. Everything depends on getting the right book in front of the right person at the EXACT right time - over and over again. You can't control any of that. But you can control your attitude when disappointment comes your way. You can have a minute of mourning for the shiny possibility that didn't pan out....and then put a smile on your face and move on. Bigger and better things will be waiting for you if you have a good attitude and keep on going. A bad attitude will burn a lot of bridges and wear you down.

If my son had thrown a fit over the paper or the unwanted candy, Christmas morning would have been miserable for everyone. There were much better presents under the tree, more delicious candy in the toe of his stocking. But he never would have found that out if he'd stopped unwrapping after the first disappointment (and to be honest, his attitude about that paper was so good I'm still not sure if he was disappointed or not).

Bottom line - you are going to wade through a lot of coal before you get to the good stuff. Having a bad attitude about it will make the journey miserable for you and everyone you are involved with. A good attitude will make even crappy candy and stacks of computer paper a lot more fun, and it will make finally finding that shiny new bike under the tree a much more rewarding moment.

Embracing Success

What’s that supposed to mean, you say, embracing success? Of course I’d embrace success.Yeah, well, I’m not talking about success in terms of getting an agent and publication. I’m talking about success in our writing. Yes, on some level it’s the same thing, but not for today. Don’t argue with me. :)

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I tend to focus on the negative aspects of my writing abilities—knowing exactly what my weakest points are. And if someone compliments me on one of my stronger points (deep down, I know I have strong points), my brain automatically writes off the compliment with a, “She was just being nice,” or, “She had to come up with something positive to say, so I wouldn’t smear all her critique marks with my tears.”

Focusing on the negative to try to improve is not always a bad thing, but it’s so easy to get bogged down in it. I've received a few painful, though extremely helpful critiques recently, but I think I made them out to be more painful than they actually were. There were plenty of positive comments, BUT—there’s always a BUT—anything positive disappeared in the sea of red pen.

My lovely negative brain tells me, “Sure, you did okay over there, but look at these red marks! And these are things you knew needed to be fixed, even if it was only subconsciously. How could you not get it right the first time?!”

Even when I’m able to accept the positive, there’s always that little nagging voice telling me I could do better. And we need that little voice, or our writing will never improve. For today though, we’re going to tell it to Shut up! and leave us alone so we can be happy with our successes.

So, I want to know what your strengths are. What areas of your writing are you particularly proud of? Or even something unrelated to writing that you're proud of? No fair qualifying it with a “but it could be better” or “but this is where I need to improve”. And don’t try to tell me you don’t have strengths. We all have strengths, even if we’re blinded to them sometimes.

Okay. To get things started, I’ll go first. I’m good at writing dialogue. It comes very naturally to me. And I really want to put a BUT here, but I won’t. :)

Now it’s your turn. No chickening out. You’ll be happy you did it. You can even list two or three strengths if you’re feeling particularly awesome today. :)