Always Know Yourself Before...

During my trip to New York, I saw a lot of interesting sites, and had a great conference experience at Book Expo America.

Before visiting the city, I had a chance to go to Caffe Lena in Saratoga Springs, where the likes of Bob Dylan and other folk musicians have performed. That night, it was a unique blend of blues--sliding guitar, tuba, and trombone. But most fascinating was what I encountered in the bathroom:

"Always know yourself before making a decision that may change your life"

While the walls were covered in inspirational quotes, I picked this one above the others because it's so deceptively simple: "Always know yourself before making a decision that may change your life." Because better decisions are made when you have your own best interests in mind. And knowing what those interests are is key in determining whether a decision is a good fit.

As with anything, this can be applied to writing at all levels:

Crafting stage: When you are still in the process of editing your work, and getting it critiqued by others, make sure feedback resonates with the story you want to write. Don't assume that someone knows more than you, or that negative feedback means you have to change the story entirely.

How to Know Yourself: Think, reflect, and figure out which feedback resonates with you most. Be with it for awhile to see what sticks and what doesn't. That way, you can save having to revert to a previous draft when someone else's recommendations aren't working (though this isn't unheard of--I've had to do it myself).

Agented/publishing/selling stage: From what I understand, this can be a perilous stage because it involves a lot of waiting. And waiting can inevitably morph into unnecessarily questioning yourself. Or settling for a deal that might not be right for you in the long run in order to relieve immediate stress.

How to Know Yourself: Be sure of the direction you want your career to go. Make the decisions that honor that, even if it means waiting to see yourself in print. Because settling for something lesser means possibly having to undo it later on--and that isn't always an option.

What about you? In what ways do you know yourself? And how do these inform your decisions going forward? 

Positive Attitudes - Lessons from a 7 Year Old

Greetings from the depths of deadline drudgery ;-) This is a little something from a few years back, but it's something that I love to read over and over again.

It's just amazing what you can learn from your children :)

So much about surviving in this business depends on attitude. Rejections, critiques, reviews...they can all get to you if you don't have the right attitude about them. Keeping a positive attitude can be anything but easy.

But it is possible to have a positive attitude about anything if you choose. Something that was brought home to me as I watched my 7 year old open his presents on Christmas morning. He's a cute kid on any morning, but this Christmas, he was so flippin adorable I almost couldn't stand it. He didn't stop smiling once, not even when things didn't really go the way he wanted. For instance, he and his sister received desks (she for her art, he for his science and art projects). They were both very excited about them, and about the presents stacked on top.

Now, these presents went along with their desks (they were filled with office supplies, crayons, markers, stickers, etc). And since they both always get in my computer paper for their projects, I thought having their very own stash of paper would be fun. My son unwrapped his paper (it was the first present he unwrapped) and when he saw what it was, he said, "Oh you gotta be kidding! Paper?"

Now, he could have said this as "Oh you gotta be kidding, paper?" *insert sarcasm and exasperated eye roll* But it was said with a laugh and a smile. He put the paper to the side (instead of chucking it across the room) and moved on. Some kids would have reacted with a much different attitude. (And he has since had a lot of fun with that paper, so it's all good) :D

My favorite moment of the day came a few minutes later as he was going through his stocking. He found a box of those storybook lifesavers (which Santa forgot he didn't care for). He held them up, smile from ear to ear, laugh in his voice, and said "Awesome I hate these!"

Now, I think he was saying "awesome" and then realized what it was and switched to "I hate these" - but either way, he didn't throw a fit, he didn't even look disappointed, he just put them down and moved on. And gave the rest of us a good belly laugh at the same time :D

It got me thinking. How do we react when something doesn't go our way in the writing world? What do we do when a request that looked so promising comes back with a rejection? What do we do when a manuscript we thought was clean and polished and ready to go comes back from a critiquing with so much red you can't see the white of the pages anymore? Or when a book we've bled and sweated over is published and comes back with horrible reviews or sales numbers?

I realize everyone is going to have a moment where they want to quit, hit delete and never write again, or shoot off a nasty email to the person who sent that rejection or critique or terrible review. It's natural and totally understandable to feel supreme disappointment. We pour our hearts and souls into our work and it hurts when it doesn't make it.

You can't do anything about how other people view your work. You can't make an agent sign you, or make that editor buy your book, or make your crit partners send your manuscript with a big smiley face and a "PERFECT!" rating. But you can politely thank your crit partners and move on, even if you cried yourself to sleep over their comments, even if you'll never use one of their suggestions. They took time away from their own work to read yours. Just say thank you with a smile on your face and move on.

Got a bad reject or review? STAY AWAY FROM THE REPLY BUTTON. Resist the urge to tell that agent/editor/reviewer that they don't know what they are talking about. Maybe they don't. Maybe passing on your book will someday be the biggest regret they ever have. I'm sure the people who passed on Stephanie Meyer and JK Rowling and John Grisham give themselves a little kick every now and then. But it doesn't matter.

This business is subjective in the extreme. Everything depends on getting the right book in front of the right person at the EXACT right time - over and over again. You can't control any of that. But you can control your attitude when disappointment comes your way. You can have a minute of mourning for the shiny possibility that didn't pan out....and then put a smile on your face and move on. Bigger and better things will be waiting for you if you have a good attitude and keep on going. A bad attitude will burn a lot of bridges and wear you down.

If my son had thrown a fit over the paper or the unwanted candy, Christmas morning would have been miserable for everyone. There were much better presents under the tree, more delicious candy in the toe of his stocking. But he never would have found that out if he'd stopped unwrapping after the first disappointment (and to be honest, his attitude about that paper was so good I'm still not sure if he was disappointed or not).

Bottom line - you are going to wade through a lot of coal before you get to the good stuff. Having a bad attitude about it will make the journey miserable for you and everyone you are involved with. A good attitude will make even crappy candy and stacks of computer paper a lot more fun, and it will make finally finding that shiny new bike under the tree a much more rewarding moment.

You Have Time For Everything. No, Seriously. You Do.

So. Time management is a big deal. Not just to writers, but human beings in general. As a human being and a writer, I feel compelled to share my views on this topic. 

Be warned, folks. I am not:

A mother

A wife

Employed

I am:

A daughter

A sister

A friend

A full-time grad student

Obsessed with TV shows

Obsessed with cinema

Obsessed with blogs/the Internet

Extremely lazy

I know, I know. I have it easier than you, right? Well, sure. I do have it easier than those of you with children, spouses, and/or a job. But guess what? It's not about the responsibilities I have or don't have. It's about my attitude. And some days, I just don't want to write. No particular reason is needed. I simply wake up and say, "I don't want to write today." Instead, I want to hang out with my BFFs, or go to the movies, or Google places I'd like to travel to, or read Victorian poetry for my comp exams, or watch episodes of my fave shows, or update my resume. These are all excuses, no matter how valid some of them might seem. In the end, I always miss my story. I always want to jump right back in the next day. And I always try my best to do so.

There are lots of people with more responsibilities than me who write every single day. There are those who have more responsibilities than me who write once or twice a week. There are those who insist they're too busy and don't write for long stretches of time. Here's the thing, folks: writing isn't a hobby for writers. Writing is a need for writers, a passion that begs for attention. If you're not aching for that blank page, be it in a Word document or in a notebook, good. Your mind is on other things that matter to you. But writing should matter, too.

Work long hours and arrive home super tired? Get up earlier and write whatever you can manage. Dinner needs to be cooked? Brainstorm while cooking, then write what you came up with after the dishes are clean (or let someone else do the dishes!). Need to watch your kids like a hawk? Read to them, or ask them to tell you a story--sometimes being creative in different ways fuels your writing. *shrugs* There are billions of ways to slip some writing into your day, blogging buddies. The trick is believing it and wanting it enough. 

You don't find time. You make it.

Now tell me: how are your time management skills? Tips are most welcome! :)

How Darth Vader and Decapitation are Like Writing

I'm always amazed at the little gems of wisdom that drop from my kids' mouths. My husband teases me because he says I can make anything about writing, but hey...it's what's on the brain most days so when I hear something I just naturally apply it to my writing world :)

Since this week is Write On Con (have you guys been reveling in the awesome!!?) I bought my kids a few bribes to make up for their absentee mother. My son got a Star Wars Wii game. He's been glued to the thing. Its level is a bit old for him but he's been doing very well at it.

He came into my office yesterday very excited and I thought for sure he'd done something spectacular on his game. He said:

I made it to Level 3! And then Darth Vader chopped my head off.

I congratulated him, happy that he was excited about his level progression and wasn't upset over getting killed so soon after achieving it.

Now what, you may be wondering, does getting your virtual head chopped off by Darth Vader have to do with writing?

Making it all the way to Level 3 was a major accomplishment for him. He's playing a very hard game and is doing extremely well. Sure he has some help here and there (compliments of my husband who stayed up until midnight playing that game :D ). And sure he has some moments where it seems like it's too hard and he wants to give up (sound familiar?). But he stuck with it. And he's progressed.

And then....he got his head chopped off.

How often do we make it to the next level only to get knocked back down? How often do we finish that chapter, complete that tear-inducing revision, write THE END on a new manuscript...only to find yet another problem that needs fixing? How often do we send out queries only to get rejections? Or feel the euphoria of a request only to have that rejected too? Or finally sign with Agent Awesome and go out on submission only to find that no one wants to publish your book?

More often than we'd all like to think about.

So what should we do?

Do what my son did. Come in with a smile on our faces and a bounce in our steps because of the major goal we accomplished. And then ignore the fact that Darth Vader just chopped off our heads and get right back to it...determined to beat the Dark Side if it's the last thing we do :)

I think it gets a little too easy to focus on our defeats. We don't spend nearly enough time reveling in our accomplishments. So that's my challenge to you. The next time a whizzing lightsaber comes at your head, don't let it get you down. Don't let it stop you from continuing your journey. Hit reset and get right back to the battle :) Because that's the only way you'll win in the end :)

It's All in the Attitude

I know you’ve heard it a million times…this business is tough…it’s going to be a long bumpy road…grow thick skin, you’ll need it…and a thousand other variations on the same theme. You know why you’ve heard it so many times? Because it’s true :)

I’ve learned a lot since my early writing days…both in terms of my craft and in terms of my attitude. I’ve had some incredible highs and some heart-wrenching lows. I’ve danced with joy and been so devastated by a rejection it’s brought me to tears.

The one thing I’ve learned that I try to live every day…it’s all in the attitude.

I can let those setbacks destroy my dream, or I can dry my tears, square my shoulders and get back to it. With a smile on my face and determination in my heart. If you really want something and don’t want to be miserable while trying to get it, there really isn’t any other option.

Forgive the Star Wars quote but that awesome little Yoda man just says it best – "Do, or do not. There is no try."

I understand that it might take a while. I understand that it may not happen for everyone. But if you want the end result, whether it be publication or anything else, it will never happen for you if you don’t press forward. And if you don’t have a good attitude about the journey, you are just going to make everyone, most especially yourself, miserable. Life is just too short for that.


I figure, "If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance." (Anonymous)

Don't forget - the April Mystery Agent Contest starts TOMORROW!!! Check out yesterday's post for details and be sure to come back tomorrow with your one line pitches! :D