Affirmation is my Albatross

We all know that writing is a long waiting game, whether you're yet to be agented or published, on submission, or awaiting reviews for your published work.

In these stages, it's common to look for sources of affirmation. I'm lucky to have a group of people who support me when things get challenging, but sometimes, affirmation becomes my albatross. I get so consumed with the external--what people think, and confirmation that I'm doing all right--that it's easy to get desperate when affirmation doesn't come my way.

Unfortunately, this makes me look a bit like John Cleese in the beginning of this Monty Python YouTube clip (language NSFW).



And here are some other reasons why having affirmation as my albatross is a bad idea (the fact that John Cleese has his around his neck is probably no accident):

1. I look desperate. ("Alllbaatrosss!")

2. It's extremely unsatisfying. ("I haven't got any choc ices, I just have this albatross.")

3. Sometimes I get defensive. ("Don't you oppress me, mate!")

3. And at the end of it, I'm still left with a gigantic bird that weighs down my psyche. ("Of course you don't get f*#king wafers with it!")

So here's what I'm going to try. I'm going to look within, and find what matters in my bones, no matter whether the affirmation comes or not. Namely, I'm going to ask myself the following:

1. What are five things I've accomplished?

2. What am I most proud of?

3. What do I value most?

4. What keeps me going when things get tough?

Often, when I answer these, I find I'm further along than I thought. Plus, it helps me keep focused on the writing itself (a great source of internal affirmation). With these tools, I'm optimistic that I can eventually drop my albatross for good.

So what about you? What is your albatross? In what ways does external affirmation (or conversely, disavowal) affect your writing life?

The anchors that weigh us down...and how to break free of them

Anchors. We all have them. They can be both physical and mental. Some are so invisible that we don't realize how much they're holding us back. Or even that they're there at all, until they decide to put themselves front and and center. Sort of like this:

From http://www.freeimages.com/

In cleaning out my office today, I was faced with an anchor that was both physical and mental--the hefty filing case filled with drafts of the first book I ever wrote. It took up almost the entire bottom half of my bookshelf. 

I love this book with my whole heart. I truly do. But seeing it there, heavy, and sagging, reminded me of how much it weighed down my writing career for a number of years. 

Like many beginning writers, I thought that book was going to be my be all and say all. That if I put the necessary work into it, someone would snatch it up eventually. And because I worked on it for so long, I didn't put much energy into anything else (including honing my craft). 

Of course I queried it too soon, and got a ton of rejections (and surprisingly, some partials). But I still clung to it, even after I realized the idea wasn't marketable, the story structure was too scattered, and most importantly, that the main character didn't jump off the page. 

And finally, last year--at long last, I commanded--"to the trunk with thee." It may come back out eventually, but I've set my energies in other directions. And I'm much happier for it.

I was also reminded of this recently on Janet Reid's blog, when someone asked whether bidding on a critique on their manuscript would hurt their chances with their "dream agent." (And while we're at it, yay Pens for Paws!). In the comments, I said, "Sometimes it's difficult for us writers to remember that the sun doesn't rise and set around one book. But making connections and fostering learning opportunities is always money well spent."

Anchors come in all shapes and sizes. Lingering self-doubt. Low self-perception. A marketing strategy that didn't work. A person from the past who causes you to regress into someone you aren't anymore. A panda bear gnawing your leg. A squirrel grabbing you by the nuts.

And yes, some anchors can be difficult to let go of. But if they hold us down long enough, we'll start to drown. (Not that anchors actually drown things, but they'll definitely keep us stuck in one place).

We have to drop them and figure out what the next course of action is. And remember the bright future that lays ahead. Writing that next book. Or trying a new marketing strategy. Or, if you've lost an agent (or editor), dusting yourself off and moving forward (and writing that next book). 

I posted this video on my blog a few years back, but I think it still applies: 

So now to you. What are your anchors, and how have you broken free of them?

You Have Time For Everything. No, Seriously. You Do.

So. Time management is a big deal. Not just to writers, but human beings in general. As a human being and a writer, I feel compelled to share my views on this topic. 

Be warned, folks. I am not:

A mother

A wife

Employed

I am:

A daughter

A sister

A friend

A full-time grad student

Obsessed with TV shows

Obsessed with cinema

Obsessed with blogs/the Internet

Extremely lazy

I know, I know. I have it easier than you, right? Well, sure. I do have it easier than those of you with children, spouses, and/or a job. But guess what? It's not about the responsibilities I have or don't have. It's about my attitude. And some days, I just don't want to write. No particular reason is needed. I simply wake up and say, "I don't want to write today." Instead, I want to hang out with my BFFs, or go to the movies, or Google places I'd like to travel to, or read Victorian poetry for my comp exams, or watch episodes of my fave shows, or update my resume. These are all excuses, no matter how valid some of them might seem. In the end, I always miss my story. I always want to jump right back in the next day. And I always try my best to do so.

There are lots of people with more responsibilities than me who write every single day. There are those who have more responsibilities than me who write once or twice a week. There are those who insist they're too busy and don't write for long stretches of time. Here's the thing, folks: writing isn't a hobby for writers. Writing is a need for writers, a passion that begs for attention. If you're not aching for that blank page, be it in a Word document or in a notebook, good. Your mind is on other things that matter to you. But writing should matter, too.

Work long hours and arrive home super tired? Get up earlier and write whatever you can manage. Dinner needs to be cooked? Brainstorm while cooking, then write what you came up with after the dishes are clean (or let someone else do the dishes!). Need to watch your kids like a hawk? Read to them, or ask them to tell you a story--sometimes being creative in different ways fuels your writing. *shrugs* There are billions of ways to slip some writing into your day, blogging buddies. The trick is believing it and wanting it enough. 

You don't find time. You make it.

Now tell me: how are your time management skills? Tips are most welcome! :)

Journey Lessons From My Kids

About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post on my personal blog about the things I've learned from watching my kids. You know, the bits of wisdom that drop from their tiny mouths just astound me sometimes. And while the things they do are innocent and focused on their own small worlds, there is a lot I can learn from them, and even apply to this whole writing/publishing thang. Here are a few of them:


1. Just because you haven’t crossed the finish line doesn’t mean you don’t know how to get there.

My kids were racing on their bikes. They picked a starting point, and they picked the finish line. On your mark, get set, GO! They were off. Now, they are just learning how to ride a bike, so getting to that finish line took a while. But they knew how to get there. They just had to work at it.

I’ve sort of made it to the finish line in the NF world. But fiction is my real passion. And I can’t even see the finish line in the fiction world just yet. But I know how to get there. I know how to write. Sure, there’s a lot of things about crafting a story I still need to learn. I don’t think I’ll ever know everything there is to know. But in general, yeah, I know what I need to do. I know I need to write and revise, and revise again, and query, and query some more. I know what I need to do and how to do it, and even though I haven’t yet plowed through the ribbon at the end of my race, I still know exactly what I need to do to get there. I just have to keep focused on my goal and do it.

2. Get up every time you fall down.

My kids fall down…a lot. But they always get back up. Sometimes they are broken or bloody, and they usually need a big hug and kiss from Mom, and occasionally an ER visit, but they always get back up. If there is one thing I’ve learned in the publishing world, you are going to fall and get knocked down…a lot. Some of those critiques or rejections you’ll receive are going to sting like nothing you’ve ever felt before. And having someone (or a group of someones) to run to for comfort when it gets really bad makes the boo-boos sting just a bit less. But you’ll never achieve your goal if you stay on the ground and cry. You gotta get back up and try again.

3. Be a good sport

My kids were playing a Wii game the other day when the miracles of all miracles happened – my four year old daughter beat my six year old son. Now, he could have yelled and cried and thrown down his paddle and quit (as my daughter will often do when she loses). But he didn’t. He was disappointed, sure. And for a second, I didn’t know how he’d react. But then he smiled and screamed “Woohoo! Nanas won!” and laughed and gave her a high-five. (Nana is her nickname, by the way :) I like eccentric names, but I’m not that mean) :)

You aren’t going to win every game you play. You aren’t going to cross the finish line first every time. And it’s okay to be disappointed when someone else gets there before you do. But you’ve gotta be a good sport about it. It would be easy to get bitter and angry in the midst of a pile of rejections, especially when others are flying over their finish line miles ahead of you. But what good will that do you? This is a tough, tough game. Being a bad sport about it just makes it that much harder. It’s okay to be disappointed, but don’t let that disappointment ruin the game for you or anyone else. If you can’t play nice, don’t play at all.

4. If you want dessert, you have to eat dinner first.

My son has a short attention span when it comes to dinner. He wants to get in, get it done, and get to the good stuff. Which means he often takes two bites of dinner and starts asking for dessert. As much as I’d like to chuck my dinner and dive into the chocolate cake with him, that’s not very good for either of us. We need to eat the dinner first. Then we can get our reward.

When it comes to writing, it’s easy to focus on the “good” stuff – getting an agent or publisher, seeing that book on the shelves, attending signings and release parties. Sometimes we get so focused on the “dessert” that we try to skip dinner – ignore vital lessons every writer should know because they take too long to learn and execute well; fly through revisions and call them done because we are so anxious to query and get that agent; skip over that plot hole because fixing it would open a whole can of worms we don’t want to take the time to deal with; sending something out that just isn’t ready because we are too excited and anxious to wait any longer.

But that isn’t the way to grow a strong, healthy writer, any more than it is to grow a strong, healthy child. You have to eat your dinner first – gotta ingest the stuff that’s going to help you grow in your profession, before you can enjoy your reward. Dangit ;-)

What have you learned in your journeys? Ever learn something from an unexpected source?