#BookReview of Across A Broken Shore by Amy Trueblood #atozchallenge

For the #atozchallenge this year Operation Awesome are doing book reviews of some of our favourite books!  I'm excited to have the letter A to to be able to review a book from a former Operation Awesome member whose name also starts with A!

I really enjoyed this book about a young woman defying her family's expectations and pursuing a career in medicine instead of going to the convent to become a nun.  Willa is a feisty heroine and the Depression-era setting is an interesting one, even if the desperation of that time doesn't always cut through.  The building of the Golden Gate Bridge and the dangers the men faced on it are well researched and described, as is the prejudice women doctors experienced.

At times I felt Willa's thoughts were repetitive and I got a little tired of hearing her bang on about how disappointed her family would be if she didn't go to the convent, and how she owed it to them because it was her fault her sister died before she had a chance to live.  But that's actually realistic, because who doesn't go over painful things in one's head over and over again?

As owners of a pub, Willa's family - large as it was - didn't not appear to be suffering as much from the depression as others, like the people living in the Hooverville camp near the beach.  I felt the book could have delved more deeply into the hardships of the Depression; there was never any real sense of desperation from any of the characters, even those living in the camp whose circumstances were desperate.  Perhaps Willa could see it, empathize with it, but not really understand it.

Overall, I enjoyed this one and would recommend it to anyone who likes historical settings and female characters bucking the expectations of the time.

But don't just listen to me.  Here's the blurb:

The last thing eighteen-year-old Wilhelmina “Willa” MacCarthy wants is to be a nun. It’s 1936, and as the only daughter amongst four sons, her Irish–Catholic family is counting on her to take her vows—but Willa’s found another calling. Each day she sneaks away to help Doctor Katherine Winston in her medical clinic in San Francisco’s Richmond District.

Keeping secrets from her family only becomes more complicated when Willa agrees to help the doctor at a field hospital near the new bridge being built over the Golden Gate. Willa thinks she can handle her new chaotic life, but as she draws closer to a dashing young ironworker and risks grow at the bridge, she discovers that hiding from what she truly wants may be her biggest lie of all.

May 2019 Pass Or Pages Entry #5

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #5: NOTORIOUS

Query:

The California gold-rush is on and it seems like everyone is running a game. While the wealthy build mansions high on the seven hills, the desperate trek to the Women's Benevolent Society for aid. The ones with legal troubles come to see the notary, Vespertine Clement. She never expected Mrs. Adler, the founder of the society, to summon her with a crisis. [KU1] A mob discovered a fallen woman the society aided [KU2] kneeling over the corpse of a man, blood smeared on her mouth and hands. The  society's patrons are threating to withhold their donations. [KU3] [AT1]

Mrs. Adler gives Vespertine an edict to prove the woman innocent. [KU4] Accompanied by the amiably corrupt Sergeant Cuinn, she sets out to solve the murder. It may be unsolvable. The coroner refuses to cooperate with a woman. The accused cannot speak. Her uncle just wants her to settle down and blend in. If she fails, she'll lose her position and forced into a lifetime of professional domesticity.

Vesper tine believes [KU5] someone poisoned the victim before his throat was slit. With a chemistry text from her uncle’s bookshop, and some glass tubing borrowed from the dye makers, she arranges a test of her theory, with an audience, in the police station. 

The test is a complete failure. 

Caught in a covert battle between slavers and abolitionists, [KU6] she only has four days to discover what happened that night to save the Society from ruin and a woman from the gallows. [KU7]

NOTORIOUS is a completed 76,000 word adult historical mystery with series potential. Readers who liked The Agency mysteries by Y.S. Lee or the Sally Lockhart books by Philip Pullman [AT2] should enjoy this book.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] Vespertine never expecting to be summoned isn’t as strong as the murder. Cut right to the chase.
[KU2] This sentence felt a little bogged down in details and I had to reread to see if I was understanding the implications clearly.
[KU3] Does this mean the Society will go under without them? Make the stakes clearer. I feel like in this paragraph I’m being told what happens but not what it clearly means for the stakes and plot.
[KU4] This brought me back to the unclear stakes in the first paragraph. Is the woman being accused of murder outright and considered guilty, or do most still think she is innocent like Mrs. Adler does? And does Mrs. Adler truly think she is innocent or is she just trying to save the Society?
[KU5] I don’t know enough about the death or investigation to make sense of all the details about it or her theory yet. All I need to know is that her attempt to prove the woman’s innocence fails. This is another case of getting bogged down in descriptive details.
[KU6] Slavers and abolitions came out of nowhere and it’s not clear how they fit into the rest of the story.
[KU7] This is what I wanted spelled out earlier, that the Society would be ruined and the woman could hang for the murder. Lead in with these stakes instead of waiting until the very end to spell them out since this is what hooked me.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] Nice premise.
[AT2] Watch that comp titles won’t seem dated.

First 250 words:

Vespertine examined the jagged handwriting on the visiting card once again for some hidden meaning. She ran her gloved fingers over the engraving and sniffed the paper. A delicate dab of her tongue [KU1] on one corner revealed nothing but the gritty pounce used to blot the wet ink. To all outward appearances, it was an announcement that Mrs. Adler would receive visitors this afternoon delicately inscribed with a border of acanthus leaves. In reality, it was a summons for an employee to attend her superior. What she could not find on the card was why she was summoned. She returned the note to its envelope, removed her glasses, and leaned back in the horsehair-stuffed seat of the hansom cab. [KU2]

The gold strike at Sutter's Mill five years ago had lifted the Adlers to wealth beyond Croesus. While the desperate might call on Vespertine, the notary of the Women's Benevolent Society, Mrs. Adler had resources enough to prosper without her. [KU3] The afternoon wind freshened and Vespertine pulled her wrap tight against her best dress. The cab slowed then tilted as it ascended Telegraph Hill.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] This feels a little strange for her to be using her tongue on the card.
[KU2] Being summoned isn’t carrying enough tension for me since it’s normal for an employee to answer to their boss. It makes me wonder why she is so suspicious.
[KU3] Made me wonder why she has Vespertine if she doesn’t need her.


Ann's Notes: N/A

Results:

Katelyn: PASS 
Ann: PASS 

May 2019 Pass Or Pages Entry #4

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #4: WOMAN OF RUINOUS FACE

Query:

Woman of Ruinous Face, complete at 111,000 words, reimagines the early 20th Century Woman’s Club era. Bonnie Lipshutz is an uncommonly beautiful woman and female [KU1] psychopath who is done with male domination. Having moved to Denver from Chicago after being acquitted for the murder of her husband, she has a plan to first become the Woman’s Club of Denver president, and then use it to run for Mayor on a women’s ticket against the male dominated political machines and moral progressives. 

In the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, 1912 Denver is half Wild West, half City Beautiful icon. Women have won the right to vote, but the city is run by corrupt officials and gambling bosses. Denver’s male politicos niggle over tax rates and corporate rights while the women fight for eight-hour work days, equal property rights, and the resources to survive, and thrive. 

As the elections heat up Bonnie has to deal with a stalker who feels he’s entitled to marry her, a club rival who thinks she is the best thing to come to Denver; the abusive husbands of a friend, who blames her for all his problems; and the new Deputy DA who in convinced she is an arsonist and murderer. [KU2] [AT1] Can Bonnie lead the women of Denver to a Women’s Ticket victory with the help of her dark side, or will it become another excuse to keep her down? 

This book has adult themes that include sex, light BDSM ala Venus in Furs, and a non-violent husband/wife rape scene. These are not gratuitous or graphic, but are important pieces of the character’s identities and experiences.

Woman of Ruinous Face will appeal to fans of Devil in the White City and Edith Wharton. [AT2] It deals with themes of female agency, male/female power, and the darkness within us all.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] We’ve already been told she is a woman so female isn’t needed.
[KU2] This paragraph reads like a laundry list of plot points and it doesn’t work for me since I don’t know how they all play into the plot or get in her way. As a list they are too vague.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] There’s a lot packed into this one sentence. Might break it up.
[AT2] Is that a relevant comp given rape and BDSM?

First 250 words:

Bonnie Lipshutz, as she now called herself, stepped out of an elaborately-decorated, two-story brick brothel and tucked her newly procured contraceptives into her embroidered handbag. Her boldness in entering and exiting through the front door, as opposed to through the alley as the few other daring women did, went mostly unnoticed except momentarily by those inside enjoying the music, spirits, and coupling. 

To the east, Denver Police raided a crib for the sake of appearances only. Scantily clad women waiting to be swept off the street by the cops waved goodbye to red-faced men in long coats, open and flapping in the breeze. 

Bonnie smirked [KU1] at the temporary chaos on the street many of her fellow clubwomen wished to clean up. She enjoyed visiting the seedy street for the sight-seeing, people-watching, and the unique opportunity to acquire condoms or a diaphragm without a husband or condemnatory questions.

On the adjacent corner, a thin man of 25, clean-shaven and baby-faced waved enthusiastically at her. 

Bonnie groaned. He was between her and the optimal route to the Woman’s Club of Denver, and as a rule, she refused to yield to any man. She switched sides of the street to avoid him. He too crossed over. Quickening the intention of her pace, she blew past him, hiding her face under the feather covered brim of her black velvet hat. [KU2]

Frank Perry, now positive of his identification, bucked the awkwardness of being on the bawdy street and gave chase.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] I’m confused about her character. If she finds this humorous and enjoys it then why be part of something that wants to clean it up?
[KU2] I find myself wondering if there is a reason she doesn’t want to stop for him other than him being a man. I want more information here to better understand her character and decisions.


Ann's Notes: N/A

Results:

Katelyn: PASS
Ann: PASS 

May 2019 Pass Or Pages Entry #3

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #3: AMERIKAA

Query:

Please consider my 100,000-word historical fiction novel, AMERIKAA. Told from multiple points-of-view with interwoven story lines, it encapsulates the lives of generations of women descended from Jacob Wolf, a poor Pennsylvania German farmer who purportedly played the fiddle for George Washington during the Revolutionary War.  

The story opens in modern-day Brooklyn, New York, with Jennifer as she prepares to move to Canada. While she is packing up her apartment she comes across a family heirloom, given to her by her mother Linda. The binder contains a series of old letters written by relatives spanning the early years of the Revolutionary War.

The letters, which appear as mini-chapters throughout the book, share the secrets and unique experiences of Jacob Wolf and his fiancée Christina Koenig during the war. Jacob was a remarkable fiddle player but illiterate farmer and member of the Northampton County Pennsylvania Flying Camp who narrowly missed the Battle of Brooklyn and brought supplies to George Washington and the continental army during the Valley Forge winter encampment. Christina was educated, joined the war efforts as a camp follower and went with the famed gingerbread baker, Christopher Ludwick on a secret mission to infiltrate the enemy Hessian soldiers. Back home in Bethlehem, she helped nurse the Marquis de Lafayette as he recovered from a leg wound.   

The remainder of the story follows the lives of the daughters, mothers, and grandmothers in chapters that move generation by generation backwards through time until they reconnect with a now elderly Jacob Wolf. Each vignette provides a window into the issues faced by Western Pennsylvania women of their time.
– 1984, When Linda takes her mother Dorothy to the hospital, Jennifer, Linda’s young daughter must stay in her Great-Grandma Helen’s house, and feels pressure to be pretty rather than smart. 
– 1968, Linda gets accepted to college, but discovers she is pregnant by her boyfriend who has been drafted to the Vietnam war. She wants an illegal abortion and is helped by her mother Dorothy and their church pastor.
– 1949, Dorothy, who was crippled by polio as a child, wants to get engaged, but is thwarted by her mother Helen who does not want her to marry a disabled farmer.
– 1921, Helen wants to join the Daughters of the American Revolution and enlists the help of her Grandmother Rachel whose Grandfather played fiddle for George Washington. Yet as much as Helen wants to conform to social norms, she is also seduced by her friend Ruth, who opens the door to exciting new experiences and relationships.
– 1890, With the blessing of her mother Rachel, Eva travels to Pittsburgh to see her childhood friend Pinky, known to the rest of the world as Nellie Bly, who is nearing the end of her race around the world.
– 1871, Rachel finds herself suddenly without income and expecting her ninth child after her young husband’s unexpected death. She must turn to her father George for help.
– 1838, Sarah, the pregnant servant on George Wolf’s farm, is told she should consider herself lucky after she is forced to become his next wife after his previous wife dies in childbirth. [KU1] [AT1]

The story concludes in a log cabin on a farm in Armstrong County with an elderly Jacob and Christina Wolf [KU2] and Jonathan Koenig, Christina’s brother, discussing their applications for military pensions and reminiscing about their youth. Jacob plays the fiddle for his grandchildren. [KU3]

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] My concern with all these different stories is how well they are woven together since connecting this many women and story lines can be difficult to pull off. I’d be afraid it would feel more like an anthology especially since there doesn’t seem to be any overall plot or stakes that encompasses these stories other than the women being related.
[KU2] One of my concerns about how the stories get interwoven together is whether the mini chapters about Jacob are interesting enough to make this a satisfying ending to all the stories or if it only loosely pulls everything together.
[KU3] Overall this is a very long one nearing 600 words and that alone would cause me to skim if this landed in my inbox. Most queries in my inbox are between 250-350 words.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] Might try to summarize these details.

First 250 words:

Chapter One
2018
Brooklyn, New York

Moving to Canada had been a fever dream for American liberals since the 2016 election, so Jennifer’s brownstone Brooklyn friends thought she was kidding when she announced that she and her family were moving to Toronto. She and her husband Adam both had great jobs, although she was on maternity leave after giving birth to the twins. They owned their co-op on a tree-lined street within a half-decent school district, near a park and their synagogue. Despite their enviable middle-class New York City life, Jennifer and Adam saw headlines about white nationalism and xenophobia cross the screens of their phones, causing anxiety and fear that the United States was becoming an untenable place to raise a Jewish family.

When Jennifer went to college, she left the rural Pennsylvania town where her Lutheran family had lived for over a century, moved to New York and converted to Judaism. Still, she was the last person anyone expected to pull up roots and flee the United States. Her ancestors arrived on wooden ships through the Port of Philadelphia while it was under the rule of Great Britain. According to family lore she had a relative who played fiddle for George Washington during the Revolutionary War, another who was a childhood friends with Nellie Bly, and Amelia Earhart’s Grandfather had been the pastor of the church her relatives attended. Her family’s story spanned the entire duration of the history of the United States. [KU1] [AT1]

**********

Katelyn's Notes:
[KU1] This sample reads more like a biography than a novel. You are doing a lot of telling instead of showing. Cut down the backstory and focus on the present.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] Would suggest the opening does more showing and less telling.

Results:

Katelyn: PASS 
Ann: PASS 

May 2019 Pass Or Pages Entry #2

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #2: BINDLE PUNK GYPSY

Query:

BINDLE PUNK GYPSY is a historical fiction novel with speculative elements. Incorporating a loose retelling of an old Mexican folk tale, this #ownvoices story tells the tale of Luna, the mixed-race daughter of an immigrant gypsy who hides her identity in pursuit of owning an illegal jazz club [AT1]. Using her earth magic to negotiate with dangerous criminals in her climb up Kansas City’s bootlegging ladder could risk her family’s lives and everything she’s working for if her enemies discover who she really is.

Bootlegging. Police bribery. A minority owning a jazz club in the upperclass part of town. These are just a few felonies Luna Alvarado is willing to commit in her climb up Kansas City’s corruption ladder…as long as no one finds out who she is. [KU1]

If the crooked city councilmen and ruthless mobsters discover that her immigrant family lives in a boxcar community in the impoverished River Bottoms [KU2] of their cosmopolitan metropolis, she could lose everything she’s lied and worked so hard for, even with the help of a little earth magic. [KU3] Hell, they may even try to steal it.

Using her inherited charms and her shameless father’s looks, she adopts a new identity as Rose, a tough, unabashed flapper who loves challenging patriarchy from her part-time job at the newspaper to the soft lace in her bedroom. Her half-gypsy blood might limit her abilities, but she plans to make good use of what enchantments [KU4] she does have, even if it leaves her jaded. [KU5] 

The harder she tries to avoid scrutiny, the more odd friendships begin to form, finding herself helping others in the underworld who don’t align with conservative societal values. As she struggles to hold onto her true identity, Luna’s efforts capture the attention of every brand of bigotry she’s trying to avoid. Her isolated journey to spinsterhood may not be enough to save her when greedy criminals come calling [KU6]. As much as she hates to admit it, she may need love and friendship after all.

Clocking in at 94k words, BINDLE PUNK GYPSY is set in the lower-class underworld of the 1925, breaking laws and throwing magic like Born of Illusion, written with an attitude and voice similar to a grown-up Gentlemen’s Guide, exploring and reclaiming culture and heritage like Daughters of the Dust [AT2].

This story fuses my own family’s experience in Kansas City’s immigrant, boxcar community with my grandmother’s determination to assimilate her children into American society to avoid further persecution. Much of our language and heritage wasn’t preserved in the eras to follow, leaving my generation in my family wondering who we really are. I’ve poured my heart into Luna’s journey to reclaim herself and her heritage.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] This paragraph can be cut. It feels like a longer explanation of the last sentence in the previous paragraph and isn’t needed. I don’t need to know about her felonies. The query as a whole is also a little long and would benefit from the word count being trimmed back and the query tightened.
[KU2] It’s unclear to me as to why where they live matters.
[KU3] This also feels like a repeat over the previous paragraph and the last sentence of the first which made the sentiment feel repetitive. You only need to tell us once.
[KU4] The use of magic in this story wasn’t clear to me overall and almost feels unnecessary to the story.
[KU5] Other than mentioning she has adopted a new identity, everything else could be cut in this paragraph.
[KU6] The exploration here revolving around needing love and friendship feels like a different story than the starting paragraphs and the stakes don’t feel as strong as risking her families’ lives like in earlier paragraphs.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] Nice opening to pitch.
[AT2] There’s a lot to digest in this sentence. I’d break it up and also see if there aren’t some more current comps.

First 250 words:

A family of four living in a boxcar near the decimated Union Depot is unappealing enough. The humid sunset thickens the marinade. As my black Model-T idles in the rail yard, the breeze rushes through the open windows, sharing the pungent cattle sweat and ash from the nearby steel factory and stockyards, adding to my dismal mood. The more time passes between visits, the more I feel like a stranger in my own family. It’s not even their fault; I was born different [KU1]. Maybe no one has spotted me, yet. Fighting the urge to drive away, I pull the hand break with dread of soot-stained mud that’s sure to cling to the bottom of my heeled shoes on the way into the house.

House. With a groan, I cling to my handbag and step out onto the damp earth soaked by spring rains carrying the river from its banks. Heavy, sticky steps push me toward to the shoddy, double boxcar with crude windows cut beside the retractable door. Like the many others around it, dilapidated wood panels connect to front porches with hanging plants to make the community more livable for the wives and children. Not that there are many families out here, anymore. Most rail workers have moved on since the Great Flood of 1914. Earth magic is stronger by the river, but we can still use it anywhere. Why my family insists on staying in the industrialized flood zone after eleven years, I’ll never know.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] There is a lot going on here and I don’t know enough about Luna to fully understand all this. I need more character development first. Like how was she born different? What does she mean exactly?

Results:

Katelyn: PASS 
Ann: PASS 

May 2019 Pass Or Pages Entry #1

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #1: VOODOO QUEEN

Query:

I am seeking representation for VOODOO QUEEN, a New Orleans-based, upmarket historical fiction with magical realism similar to MAMA DAY by Gloria Naylor [AT1] and THE GOLEM AND THE JINNI [AT2]. It is complete at 104,000 words. [KU1]

When Marie Laveau hands her free will to the voodoo spirits in exchange for power, her new ability to heal the sick, see visions, and communicate with ghosts catapults her to fame. The exchange seems more than worth it…at first.

Clients start knocking on her door with problems the spirits tell her not to fix. With great restraint, Marie obeys their will until her husband is unable to contact the ghosts of his deceased family after their murder in Haiti. As the voodoo spirits wail at her to stop, [KU2] she calls his family from the afterlife. [AT3]

The ghosts she’s summoned are bitter, cruel, and vengeful. Marie lives in a nightmare until they convince Jacques to leave her and return to Haiti. As punishment for her disobedience, the spirits revoke the power Marie abused and inundate her with sickness and bad luck. Devastated, Marie ekes out a miserable living as a hairdresser for wealthy white women. The memory of who she once was – of what she lost – haunts her every day. [KU3]

Yet the spirits still call to her. They’ve been preparing Marie for a greater destiny all along. She must decide if she will continue in her sad but safe life, or if she will become who she is meant to be: the Voodoo Queen.

**********

Katelyn's Notes:
[KU1] If this story is inspired by the real historical figure Marie Laveau it could be beneficial to mention that here for those who may not already be familiar with her. Since I didn’t recognize her name right away the era wasn’t immediately clear to me either and that’s something I look for in historical queries
[KU2] This paragraph as a whole left me feeling unsure of whether the spirits are trying to help or hurt. I had to rely on the next paragraph to clarify.

[KU3] The ending of this paragraph makes me worry there might be a lull in the story since the tension of the previous events drop off here and the stakes revolving around her husband feel finished. The stakes for what comes next, escaping her sad life, don’t feel as strong.


Ann's Notes:
[AT1] This reference is from 1988 so a bit too dated.
[AT2] This story was published in 2013 and is set in 19th century NYC so I do wonder if that is the best comp.
[AT3] Not quite following this key development.

First 250 words:

On the day I met Mama Lulu, I woke [KU1] to a nervous buzzing like a swarm of mosquitos. I swatted drowsily at bugs that weren’t there and reached out to pull the mosquito netting around my bed. My arm had been warm under my quilt, and as soon as the winter air shot goosebumps on my bare skin, I realized my mistake. It was January. The mosquitos wouldn’t be back until summer. And the buzzing wasn’t even a sound, but a vibration in the air, much like when a person’s leg bounces so rapidly that it shakes the floor. [AT1]

I sat up in my bed. Something had happened.

I was only ten, but already, I had been able to sense moods for a long time. My grand’mère said I could do it even as a baby. [KU2] It wasn’t unusual for me to crawl onto the lap of someone I barely knew and refuse to leave, and Grand’mère would discover that person was in need of comfort. If I wouldn’t let someone touch me, she knew to stay away. Once I could talk I starting asking questions about the emotions I noticed, and it unnerved people. Especially adults. They always had something to hide. But the buzzing that day was unlike anything I had sensed before.

**********

Katelyn's Notes: 
[KU1] Stories starting with the main character waking up is something I see so often that quite frankly it feels cliché. While I enjoyed some of the description of the opening paragraph I’d suggest finding a start that would be more unique to your story and characters.
[KU2] In this paragraph the story is starting to get bogged down in backstory and description telling us about your main character and that is slowing the present story down. Stick to what we need to know at this point. I’d rather see her abilities in action than be told about them.


Ann's Notes: 
[AT1] Very nice and evocative.

Results:

Katelyn: PASS
Ann: PASS: I am passing as stories about spirits and ghosts are not a good fit for me.

May 2019 Pass or Pages Entry Form

We are now accepting entries for Pass Or Pages! Before you enter, be sure to check out the rules. This month's round of Pass Or Pages is for Adult Historical Fiction. Any entry not falling under that umbrella will be deleted. The entry window closes on Friday, May 17 at 6 p.m. Eastern.

The form will not allow you to show italics or other formatting, but if your entry is chosen you'll have time to let us know of any formatting you need fixed.

Remember, with great power comes great responsibility!

May Pass or Pages Agent Panel

Meet the agents who are going to critique your Adult Historical Fiction entries!

Katelyn Uplinger

D4EO Literary Agency

After several years of editorial work and positions at multiple literary agencies including Folio Literary Management and Inklings Literary, Katelyn joined D4EO Literary as an agent in 2018. Katelyn enjoys books with unforgettable stories and characters. She searches for books that can transport her to another time or place or teach her something new.  Katelyn loves when a book can grip her emotions enough to make her laugh or cry. While she enjoy happy endings, she doesn’t shy away from dark stories or tragic romances.

Ann Leslie Tuttle

Dystel, Goderich & Bourret

Ann Leslie Tuttle joined DG&B in 2017 after working for 20 years at Harlequin Books where she worked on an extensive and varied list of bestselling and award-winning titles in romance and women’s fiction. She received her B.A. degree from the College of William and Mary and an M.A. from the University of Virginia. Helping to grow the careers of established and debut writers has always been Ann Leslie’s passion. Ann Leslie is especially seeking women’s fiction (e.g. relationships, family sagas, historical fiction and psychological thrillers) romance (e.g. romantic comedies, medical romance and contemporaries) and Southern Gothics on the adult fiction side as well as Middle Grade fiction and narrative nonfiction. Ann Leslie lives in New York City with her husband and young daughter, who is just discovering the magic of books and writing.

Category/Genre: Adult Historical Fiction

Details for May 2019 Pass or Pages:

Entry starts: Monday, May 13 at 6 a.m. Eastern
Ends: Friday, May 17 at 6 p.m. Eastern
Category/Genre: Adult Historical Fiction
How To Enter: Fill out the entry form on the contest post when it goes live
What Is Required: Your query (NO BIO or personalization for agents), your first 250 words, a complete and polished MS

You can also read more about the rules here.

The winning entries with agent commentary will be posted on Operation Awesome the week of May 27, one entry each day. If you aren't comfortable with having your entry (which will be anonymous) shared on the blog, please don't enter Pass or Pages!

If you have any questions, please ask in the comments or tweet @OpAwesome6. Also, feel free to chat about the contest with fellow participants on the hashtag #PassOrPages.

Beginning at the End

I just read a life-changing novel. It was written in the flapper era as historical fiction from the Civil War era. It covers the 80 some-odd years of Abbie MacKenzie Deal as she dreams, then dreams of dreaming, then passes those dreams onto her children for an inheritance. She even lives to see the wealthy, ungrateful grandchildren who think her life story is quaint and her work ethic, antique. The writing is amazing, of course, as one would expect from someone named Bess Streeter Aldrich. Everything about this book screams "quaint pioneer book."

On goodreads

So why did I call it life-changing? I guess I'd have to say it was more of a paradigm shift than an actual lifestyle change that it inspired. If you want to experience the paradigm shift yourself, you have to read the book! Today I want to talk about one particular technical aspect of the book that sets it apart.

It didn't start at the beginning. It didn't start in medias res. It started at THE END.

I picked it up and immediately read how Abbie MacKenzie Deal (spoiler right in chapter one as to whom she'll marry) was found dead in her quaint country house, and how all her well-to-do, sophisticated children hurried home in fancy cars and limousines to mourn that she died alone after all she'd done for them.

THE END.

Except that the author had a story to tell, and she wanted us to know certain things about Abbie right off the bat, things we couldn't learn from young Abbie MacKenzie, the Scottish-Irish migrant who dreamed of singing on a stage. Incredibly, to me at least, this knowing the end from the beginning didn't make the story any less impacting. Indeed, the last pages of the book made those first pages more deeply meaningful. How was this accomplished?

First, what we see in the beginning isn't altogether shocking. We know that death for a woman in her eighties is not exactly a twist ending. And her attendance by children who have done well for themselves and become high-functioning members of society is in itself only vaguely interesting. We feel compelled to continue the story, if only to learn why it is that Abbie MacKenzie Deal warrants an entire book. What happened in her life that is so spectacular a book had to be written about it? (Hint: the author has written a great preface about this, as well.)

As we continue reading, we learn that Abbie wasn't always an old woman with fretful, high-society children. She was once a child with dreams of her own--some dreams that came true, and some, which once seemed very important, that never came to fruition. Against the backdrop of the election of Abraham Lincoln (her future father-in-law's odd friend), the Civil War, the martyrdom of President Lincoln, dust, famine, pestilence, and death, Abbie MacKenzie grows up. The choices she makes, the constant ticking of the infernal clock of Time that cannot be stayed, and the tragedy she must face again and again in the deaths of loved ones keep the story as fluid and dynamic as the creek running by her house.

In the last pages, we begin to see signposts, landmarks that remind us we are close to the end... or the beginning, as it were. The entire story becomes a beautiful circle, circumscribing the life of Abbie and all the lives that were touched by hers.

Would I start a story this way, with the main character being found dead? Probably not. I don't think I have the skill to pull it off, much less to make that death somehow beautiful and meaningful in a story that challenges the prejudices of present and future generations. But Bess Streeter Aldrich did it. And I'm an improved person because of it.

Happy Weekend Reading! Read something life-enriching!

From Mystery Agent to Real, Live Book!

The most exciting M.A. success stories for me are the ones I get to see become real, actual books! From pitch to agent to publisher! Nancy Herman's ALL WE LEFT BEHIND didn't follow that path exactly. After our very first Mystery Agent Contest, in which Nancy won a runner-up spot with her pitch for a story about a young girl in the Donner Party, I was optimistic that this unique, haunting story would someday be sold. Sure enough, Mandy Hubbard signed Nancy as a client! In my mind it was only a matter of time. But things don't always work the way we anticipate, and a year passed, then more time. Nancy was awesome to keep us posted on the status of their efforts, and when I learned the submission round had stopped I was afraid Nancy's book would disappear. 

At the start of September, however, OA was pleased to reveal the cover of ALL WE LEFT BEHIND by Nancy Herman! With her agent's blessing, Nancy was going ahead with indie publishing.

And now Virginia Reed's story is out in the world for you to read!

Goodreads  Amazon

It is 1846, and thirteen-year-old Virginia Reed is pioneering two-thousand miles from Illinois to California with her parents, younger sister and brother, and the Donner family. She’s proud to ride ahead of the wagon train each day beside her beloved father, James.

But enthusiasm turns to alarm when her father and other party leaders make decisions that put the families dangerously behind schedule. Provisions dwindle. Hardships mount. Anger erupts. In a frantic effort to reach California before winter, the Donner Party takes an untried shortcut, with heartbreaking results. 

Virginia painfully realizes the fallibility of the adults in her life and begins to rely on her own judgment. When the party becomes trapped in the Sierra by early snows, she must find the courage to defy her father in order to save the rest of her family.

We are so thrilled to see Nancy's book out and about! Congratulations, Nancy!

In her own words:

I asked Nancy for the highest and lowest points in her journey: 

There were so many of each. But the highest point was receiving the very first copy of my published book in the mail and actually holding it in my hands. It was a moment I had imagined for a long time. The lowest point was probably the very first time an editor told me my manuscript (first draft) wasn't ready for publication. And I thought it was perfect the way it was! What a reality check. I had so much to learn. I've lost count
of the rewrites and revisions that followed!


Advice for other authors?

The most valuable thing I did when beginning to write fiction was to join a critique group. We were all members of SCBWI, and we learned and evolved together by analyzing one another's manuscripts in a very supportive atmosphere. The surprising advantage of the critique group is that I learned just as much about
where I needed to improve by critiquing others' manuscripts as I did by getting helpful feedback from them about my own.


LOVE THE COVER! Who designed it?

Yes, isn't the cover fabulous! It was designed by Victoria Faye Alday of Whit&Ware Design. She really nailed the emotion of Virginia's story in that illustration.


Now that Virginia's story is out in the world, what's next for you?

Marketing this book! My career background is in marketing communications, so I actually enjoy this part of the process. And I'm researching my next novel, also based on California history. 

Awesome! Thank you for spending some time with OA and CONGRATULATIONS!!! 

Mandy Hubbard thinks you should read it!

You all need to go buy ALL WE LEFT BEHIND by Nancy Herman. It's beautiful and heartbreaking and OREGON TRAIL: http://t.co/6BCZSnstgL
— Mandy Hubbard (@MandyHubbard) November 20, 2013

Happy reading, everybody! And don't forget to get primed for December 1st:

Contest Basics: 50 entries, with one-line pitch and first 250 words. M.E. (Mystery Editor) is currently seeking Young Adult, New Adult, and Adult contemporary romance. Not currently interested in YA paranormal. Grand prize winner gets a 10-page critique, and M.E. will request at least 2 full manuscripts for consideration. The contest opens on December 1st at 10am Eastern Standard Time.