Operation Awesome Angelica Jackson's Interview and New Cover Reveal #giveaway #CoverReveal #book

A former Operation Awesome Team Member dropped by for an interview. Check out this amazing new book cover and great giveaway!

Crow's Rest: Faerie Crossed Book 1 by Angelica R. Jackson

1- Could you tell us a little more about the Pens for Paws Auction?

I started P4P out of a desire to help a sanctuary where I was volunteering at the time, Fat Kitty City. They are unique for being a cage-free sanctuary for domestic cats--some of whom will live out their lives there, and others who are adoptable. FKC goes out of their way to take in special-needs cats, including those that are FIV+, and feral cats, too. I started volunteering there in 2008, mostly helping to photograph the kitties and to socialize them. These cats are extremely grateful for attention and a friendly lap!

I was trying to think of a way to fundraise for Fat Kitty City that would tap into my existing network of publishing contacts, so in 2012 I started putting the word out that I needed donations. The publishing community--including authors, editors, and agents--stepped up to offer some fantastic items for bid. I haven't quite managed to run the auction every year, since it's a one-woman show and I get overwhelmed trying to run the auction and manage my own book tasks. But I hope to revive it next year!

2- What five words represent your most notable characteristic or values? #In5Words

Labeling makes Geminis deeply uncomfortable

3- What ignited your passion for writing?

Spending a lot of time alone as a kid meant that I also spent a lot of time in my own head; the way I expressed myself was through drawing and writing. For a while, it was genuinely a tossup whether I was going to stick with art or writing as a career. Writing pulled ahead for a while, but I'm now trying to combine my art and writing in creative ways, whether that means cover art, interior design in my books, or even creating images for marketing campaigns. But reading is what really gave me the jumpstart to share my writing--it's so fascinating to spend some time in others' heads.

4- What was the best part of working with the Operation Awesome Team?

The community! I knew I always had trusted friends who I could vent to, or ask questions of. We've had an amazing font of wisdom in our collective, and I love that it's continued to evolve. I learned so much during my tenure, with the biggest lesson about sharing your knowledge with others.

5- Would you share a picture with us of your book in a fun location?

Of course! This is the signpost in my garden, with some of the destinations from my favorite books on it. So of course Crow's Rest is right at home perching on it!

6- What is the most fun part about writing a story with Fae?

Having come into urban fantasy after writing a heavily-researched historical novel, the most fun part is making up creatures! I used Celtic mythology as a jumping off point, but I also wanted to create authentically magical creatures that would make the reader wonder which ones are from established mythology and which are the "new" generation Note: I also think making up creatures is the hardest part, because I want them to be believable within the worlds I've also created.

7- In what ways are the main characters in your book diverse? https://diversebooks.org #WeNeedDiverseBooks

My main character, Avery, shows some symptoms of mental health issues, which actually turn out to have a magical basis for her (I hope that's not a spoiler, haha). That aspect of her personality was born from my own lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression, and how my teenaged self wished there was some "better" reasoning behind me having that imbalance. Like, what if some of my obssessive traits (like my counting things, and seeking patterns and symmetry) were actually an advantage under different circumstances? What if in another world, in another situation, they would be the key to keeping me safe?

Also, because so many of my Fae creatures swap bodies, they tend to be rather genderfluid. Occupying a male or female human is not better or worse--it just offers different sensations and opportunities. Many of them are shapeshifters, too, and their own gender is another thing they can manipulate at will (and I haven't explored it yet, but there does seem to be more than two genders in Faerie).

8- Which character has your favorite Personality Contradiction?

That would be Avery again! She can be so oblivious to some things around her, especially in relationships, and yet she has an insightful side. A way of seeing past all the noise (which often leads to her calling bullshit on people, for better or worse).

9- What is something that you know you do differently than most people?

Um, shop for clothing maybe? I just don't have the patience for it, so when I find something I like I buy it in five colors and call it a day. I do actually enjoy fashion and creating my outfits, I just hate wandering store aisles. I'll be happy when I can print outfits at home on a 3D printer.

10- Anything else you would care to share about your books and yourself?

The cover art for my Faerie Crossed series features my own photographs. What a great excuse to schedule a photoshoot at a haunted castle, amIright? My cover designer, Kelley York of X-Potions Design, worked closely with me to turn my art into a cohesive whole and I love the results.

Crow's Rest, the first in the series, came out last May from Crow & Pitcher Press, and the second book, Merlin's Stronghold, will release on October 23.

I've also released a photobook of that same castle that appears on the covers, but Capturing the Castle: Images of Preston Castle (2006-2016) goes behind the doors into the decaying Preston Castle interior. And as of this writing, a fantastic actor named Brenda Scott Wlazlo just added the finishing touches to the audio version of Crow's Rest. The audiobook of Merlin's Stronghold should be out before the end of the year.

You can keep in the loop for all the news on my books by signing up for my newsletter on my website at https://angelicarjackson.com and I'm on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001046475887 and Twitter is https://twitter.com/angelicarjaxon . Get a look at my artwork at https://www.angelicarjackson.photography , including my pics of Preston Castle.

In Search of 100 Rejections by Dec. 31

Y'all remember way back in early March when I publicly declared I was striving for 100 rejections in 2018?

Well. That has gone...not swimmingly. As it turns out, not writing anything for three months actually decreases the number of projects you can have rejected! Who would have thought, am I right?

On a serious note, I have counted only eight (8) rejections so far this year. Which isn't to say I haven't had more, because I'm sure a few slipped through the cracks of my depression during the last few months. All that number really proves is that I haven't been submitting and pitching like I had planned.

Of course, one drawback is the fact that my novel progress has been, how to put this nicely...painstakingly slow. I wrote a combined 3,000 words for June and July combined. None so far in August. A handful more in May.

You can't query an unfinished manuscript, and seeing as I was already nearing 20,000 words in a re-written but fairly polished draft by mid-March, I was filled to the brim with confidence that I would finish it off and be able to begin querying by mid-summer.

Maybe there's something in here about "the best laid plans," or whatever, but that feels more pontificatory than anything, and I'm...not in the mood to lecture myself. Or you.

I actually think my slow progress on the novel is due to a few factors, including the "middle slump," the fact that I'm suddenly working full-time again, and the freezing nature of fear.

Which is what I want to explore here: fear, and how it freezes us. And this time, not the fear of failure.

The thing is, as a writer, I'm used to "failure." I've been submitting my writing since early 2014, and had the bulk of it rejected until late 2015. Since then, I've been active as a freelance essayist, and while I've had multiple acceptances, I still regularly get rejected, both from new publications and from ones I have a relationship with already.

I queried my first novel beginning in January 2015, and out of 30+ queries, I received two partial requests. Neither went anywhere.

Failure, as a writer, is an intimate acquaintance of mine.

I'm not afraid to query ALLIE MAE DOESN'T GET THE GUY because I don't want to look its failure in the face.

I'm afraid to query this book because I believe in it. Because I have hope and faith and belief that maybe, just maybe...this will be the one to succeed.

I had that belief in my first book (hence, why I queried it) but it turns out it was massively misplaced. The next two books I wrote and edited never reached a place, plot-wise or writing-wise, where I was confident in querying them.

But this one? This one I believe in. I believe in the story itself; I believe in the characters; I believe in the themes and motifs and the small yet defining personality traits of my protagonist; I believe in the writing.

I also definitely believe in pretty aesthetics!

And I'm terrified of being proven wrong. Terrified that I'll finish it, that my critique partners and beta readers will love it and promise that it will snag me an agent. Terrified that I'll send it out to agents and nothing will come of it.

That I'll be disappointed. And that I'll turn that disappointment upon myself, shape it into a knife pointed directly at my heart.

You idiot. I can't believe you thought you were good enough. I can't believe you thought you would ever be good enough.

I swear, I can already hear the mocking words, reverberating in my brain, if I send this book out, heart high, and my hopes are dashed.

So, yes. I'm 25,000 words into my novel, and I'm frozen with fear. I've spent the past few months telling myself I needed to finish the book because maybe, just maybe, this would be the one. And all that pressure has me caving.

But.

But what if, instead, I don't finish the book because it will get me an agent. What if I flip the narrative (again). What if I finish the book because it will help me reach my goal: 100 rejections by December 31.

Again I find that looking at rejections as notches in a shield and not "the worst possible outcome" helps. I don't know how or why. I just know that it reframes the issue, and suddenly I'm not afraid of them.

Each rejection is a sign that I tried. That I flung myself out there, vulnerable and unafraid, and yes, I was turned down, but you know what?

I tried. I faced my fears. And even if they think they won, I know they're wrong. Because the way you defeat fears isn't by proving they were unfounded. It's by proving they can't hold you back.

What is something you're afraid of in your writing journey...and what steps, small or not, can you take to try to prove your fears won't hold you back?

Change of Heart at Operation Awesome #WEP #IWSG

Write Edit Publish

Perhaps a bit unusual for this challenge:

Operation Awesome proudly introduces our three new operatives!

The members of the team are the HEART of Operation Awesome. 

Due to time restraints, mostly thanks to successes, we have an influx of new members this month, which is a big 

CHANGE OF our HEART. 

So, in under 300 words each, here are quick introductions from our new team members!

They'll do longer, individual introduction posts later. This is just a fun way to say hello to everyone out there. No feedback is needed for this non-fiction post, but it'd be great if you'd say hi back!

Nathaniel:

Hey, everyone! My name is Nathaniel Glanzman and I'll be the new Query Friday/ Flash Fiction Friday point guy. I found out about Operation Awesome through #QueryKombat, and as soon as I was introduced to it, I was in love. My favorite thing about Operation Awesome is its ability to bridge connections between writers. It is an excellent resource to strengthen and nurture one of my favorite things in the whole world: Writing. I know this may sound cliche, but I've been a writer all my life (The first thing I remember writing was a poem about how much my mother loved money when I was four) and there is hardly a moment in the day when I'm not thinking about a character or a plot point to write down later. My default novel is a character-centric, internal conflict-heavy slice of life with an ensemble cast of mentally ill, neurodivergent, queer social misfits. Writing has both changed my life and saved my life on more than one occasion. I can't imagine my life without it. I'm honored to be a part of a team that cultivates that in others.

Amren:

Hi y’all, I’m Amren! I’m so excited to be a part of the OA team. It’s hard out there for those of us going through the writing process, so having a group like OA to provide support through every stage is a huge help. I know I was lost before I found an online community of writers, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share some of what I’ve learned along the way. I can’t wait to get started! I’m going to be starting a new recurring event with OA to critique manuscripts’ first pages, so hopefully I’ll be seeing your pages soon 😊

Kate:

Hello!

I’m Kate and I’m thrilled to be joining the Operation Awesome team. I have been a long-time reader of the blog, and it has been an incredibly useful resource as I’ve attempted to navigate this tricky world of writing and publishing. I am looking forward to giving back to the community in my own small way as Operation Awesome’s new OAbby. So if you have any burning questions about writing or publishing, send them my way!

Writing and publishing is a long game, and one that’s not for the faint of heart. You have to have perseverance, the hide of a rhino and not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the crippling self-doubt that comes at some point in every writing project. Writing is a solitary act, so it’s important to have a community to support you when you need it. And a community that understands the unique challenges of being a writer is important.

I’m proud to be a part of that community and look forward to meeting and supporting you as part of the new OA team.

We hope you'll come back to visit Operation Awesome, where we focus on helping those in the publishing journey. 

Pass or Pages is our quarterly query critique contest. We also have synopsis critiques, posts about feelings on writing, Dear OAbby, the Debut Author Spotlight, and other fun features.

Tackling the Dreaded Synopsis: Part One

With PitchWars, Author Mentor Match, and other contests right around the corner, I'm re-running my posts about how to write synopses. Feel free to comment with any questions, and make sure to check the archives for over two dozen synopsis critiques!


Here's an increasingly common scenario. An agent has had your partial or full manuscript for several weeks, and you finally get a long-awaited email from her. Your heart pounding, you open the email. "Can you please send me a synopsis?" she asks.

Or you just found out about a contest you know you want to enter. The contest judges will be deciding which entries move on to the agent round based on a query letter, the first page/chapter of the manuscript... and a synopsis. The entry deadline is tomorrow. Your query letter and the manuscript itself are word-perfect, edited, beta-read, and revised. But can you write a great synopsis in 24 hours?

In this post, we'll discuss what a synopsis is (and isn't), how synopses are used by agents and authors, and the basic requirements for writing a good one.

Next week, we'll go through the mechanics of synopsis writing, and I'll post an example of a synopsis that works.

After that, I'll be critiquing your synopses - we'll add a form to next week's post so you can submit!

What is a synopsis? A synopsis is a summary of your manuscript's plot. It details the entire main plot arc (including the ending) and also mentions the most important subplots and characters. It doesn't include many character or setting details, and also doesn't include dialogue, metaphors, or detailed descriptions. Think of it as the blueprint for a house. You don't need to show the tablecloths and chandeliers, but you'd better make sure the dimensions of all the rooms are accurately represented.

Why does everyone hate writing synopses so much? Because it's hard! You've spent months (maybe years) writing your book, weighing every word, stressing over character arcs, settings, and plot points. Now you have to condense tens of thousands of words into a couple of pages? It's definitely daunting, but it's doable.

How is it different from a query letter? I like to think of a query letter as 'teasing your story' and the synopsis as 'telling your story.' It may not sound like a huge difference, but think about it: With the query, you want to say just enough to entice an agent, to excite her so much about your story that she just has to request pages. You don't want to give away the ending in a query - you want to end on an uncertain note, a cliffhanger, with the action or decision your main character will have to choose. You want to hook the agent, but you don't want to reel her in. On the other hand, with the synopsis, you're reeling her in by telling the entire story.

Why do agents and contest judges want synopses? An agent might be reading your full manuscript, but also have 100 other fulls to read. If she starts reading and knows right away she likes your voice, your writing, your characters, and the concept, she may request a synopsis so she can get a 'cheat sheet' for the plot without having to read the entire manuscript. It's a way for her to confirm the plot isn't going to go off the rails in the middle or end of the manuscript, and that you can sustain momentum throughout the book. Same with contest judges - they often have hundreds of entries to pore over. A synopsis helps cut way down on reading time.

How long does it have to be? The most common requests seem to be 'no more than two pages' and 'no more than five pages.' I've always started by writing a five-page synopsis, and then cut it down to two pages. The opposite works just as well. Once you've got both, you're ready to go, and can comply with a request for either a short or long synopsis.

What formatting should I use? Use the same font/size as your manuscript (12-point Times New Roman, etc.). For the five-page synopsis, double-space and indent paragraphs. For the two-page synopsis, you can single space and add a space between paragraphs instead of indenting.

What parts of my manuscript do I need to cover? All of it! Well, okay, that's not exactly true. You need to set the scene, introduce your main character, and run through the entire main plot. All of the significant events (and characters) from the main plot need to be included. Subplots and secondary characters can be included if they are directly relevant to the main plot. And you MUST give away the ending.

How many characters can I name? Rule of thumb is no more than 5. More than that, and it starts getting difficult for the reader to keep track. For all other characters, you can refer to them using their relationship to the main character (for example, John's brother, Mary's teacher, etc.).

Do I need comps, word count, genre, a bio, etc.? Nope. Save those for the query.

Does the writing have to be stellar? Why not? This is another opportunity to show the agent or contest judge that you've got the chops. Write your synopsis like you're answering the question, "What happens in your story?" You want that answer to be colorful, intriguing, and complete, and for it to showcase your writing abilities.

My book has a great twist at the end. I can't possibly give it away? Too bad. If an agent has requested a synopsis, then he wants to know how the plot of your book progresses, and that necessarily includes the ending.

When should I write my synopsis? I usually write my synopsis when I'm about halfway through the first draft of my manuscript (note: I do create broad outlines before I start writing, so if you're a pantser, you might prefer to wait until the first draft is done). Writing a synopsis while I'm writing the book lets me know whether the plot is working. Is there a clear through-line for the main plot? What's missing to connect Points A, B, and C? Does a character appear in the first chapter of the book and then isn't heard from again until the 50% mark? A synopsis helps you see the forest for the trees - you can make sure your main plot is working while you're writing the draft. Besides, after you're done editing the manuscript and sweating over the query letter, it's nice to know you've already got a draft synopsis waiting in the wings!

Got questions about the 'Tackling the Dreaded Synopsis' series? Feel free to ask, or start a discussion, in the comments. And tune in next week for more on the mechanics of synopsis writing and a sample synopsis of a novel 99% of you will be familiar with!

Elisabeth Cohen's Operation Awesome Debut Author Spotlight and Emerging First Book

The Glitch by Elisabeth Cohen

Behind the scenes, today's debut author and I got into a discussion about Pennsylvania's crazy weather. We're about an hour apart from each other and both getting drenched. 🚤 My forecast for the week from weather.com:


1- Welcome my fellow Pennsylvanian! How's the summer treating you in "The City of Brotherly Love" or "The City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection"?

I was having a marvelous summer until it started to rain every day! The weather forecast coordinates nicely with my book cover:


2- What ignited your passion for writing?

I’ve always kept journals, and I’ve always been interested in recording my own experience (and other people’s too--I worked as an archivist and loved getting to think about and imagine other people’s lives). I like talking even more than writing, but it’s the same desire: the urge to shape experience into narration.

3- Would you share a picture with us of your book with a Philadelphia landmark?

I wish I had a photo of my book with the famous “Bolt of Lightning” sculpture (it’s in honor of Benjamin Franklin’s electricity experiment with the key). It’s too rainy and I’m too far away to go snap one right now. Here’s the sculpture:
Bolt of Lightning. . . A Memorial to Benjamin Franklin

4- What are some of your short and long term writing goals?

My goal is always to write more and better than I’m writing now.

5- Do you take a multivitamin?

Yes. When I remember, which isn’t every day. I take it while cleaning up after dinner because I’m too much of a weakling to take a vitamin in the morning (coffee is all I can get down). Unlike my main character, Shelley, who takes a men’s multivitamin because she doesn’t want to miss out on any of the important stuff the men are getting from their vitamins, I take Trader Joe’s “Women’s Formula” with the mauve label. I also take iron.



6- What is your favorite book (by someone else), and what do you love most about that book?

I love that parenthetical, but trust me when I say that it isn’t even close. I keep saying my favorite book is Old Filth, by Jane Gardam, and I think that’s still true, but for a long time it was Dance to the Music of Time, by Anthony Powell, and if you ever want a great British 12-part novel, I recommend it. It’s very long and traces the life of a person and that person’s friends from their school days into their old age. By the time you get to the third volume or so, it becomes genuinely thrilling when the old characters from youth crop up, and feels very much like what it’s like to run across someone from your own past. It’s hard to explain but it’s an experience.

7- Who is currently your biggest fan? What does that person love most (or "ship") about your debut novel?

It’s my 10 year old. He read my book and gave it a somewhat stinging review (he had a lot of ideas involving androids and he was disappointed I didn’t work them into the storyline), but he falls asleep at night listening to the audiobook.

8- What emotions do you hope your book will evoke for the reader, and is there a particular scene you hope will resonate with readers?

I hope the book will be fresh and surprising and funny. I love when a book goes off in a sharp, surprising, funny direction and isn’t afraid of breaking the rules. I hope there are other readers who find that kind of book pleasurable and like The Glitch.

9- What most helped you to improve your writing craft?

Having a writing related job in which you write vast quantities of words helps: you realize that even writing simple, straightforward things like letters and speeches and grant applications can be hard and take too long and require too many drafts, and you learn that much of writing is just pushing through, revisiting, cleaning up, rethinking, doing it again.
I also feel like I’ve learned something about writing from doing crossword puzzles. Maybe that’s just how I justify doing them.

10- What is the most memorable trait or visual oddity of one of your characters? (Example: Jorek scratching his neck in Carve the Mark, or Harry Potter's lightning bolt scar.)

Funny you mention lightning bolts. I think the most memorable trait of Shelley is that she was struck by lightning as a teenager. And the grueling recovery from that experience made her into someone who is compelled to maximize her time and sees everything in her life in terms of value and productivity.

11- In what ways are the main characters in your book diverse? https://diversebooks.org #WeNeedDiverseBooks

So, my main character is not diverse: she’s white, rich, and the CEO of a tech company. She is atypical, in the sense that there aren’t many women CEOs, but she’s privileged in all the ways you’d expect (and not particularly aware of her privilege, either).

Alternative question 11: What's your favorite book with a diverse main character?

My favorite book with a diverse main character is Americanah, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. It’s such an enjoyable book, pleasurable and perceptive and absorbing.


12- Does your book hold a mirror up to society, and in what way?

It’s in part about the contradictory expectations we impose on women in power: that they must be warm, involved mothers, while also clocking long hours at the office; that they should be attractive yet not vain; assertive but not shrill or pushy; fit but “feminine” looking; able to project gravitas but not old. It sets up a very complicated set of expectations for women in power. I think it’s something to think about, especially as we see an increasing number of women running for elected office. I’d like to see us examine our assumptions about what we expect of women in power, how we talk about and write about them, the question we ask them, the criticisms we raise.

13- As a reader, what most motivates you to buy a new book to read?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. The most obvious one is social pressure because the author is someone I know. Or going to a book event because I’m curious about the author and feeling a desire to support the bookstore or the author. Or feeling kind of down and wanting to treat myself to a book that will cheer me up. I also buy a lot of books as gifts. (I have to throw in here that The Glitch would make a very appealing gift!)

14- What's the best book marketing strategy you've come across?

Infiltrate the White House, get the scoop, and then tell all? That wasn’t possible for this book, though.
I think doing more of a pre-pub push to get preorders would be a good idea. I didn’t do that, but I think it makes sense.

15- What is one question or discussion topic which you would like the readers of this interview to answer or remark on in the comments?

How do you feel about the trend of covers that are abstract designs, rather than images or illustrations? Does it make it harder for you to jump into the book and get started? (I think it does for me). Or do you like the mystery/non-specificity of an abstract design rather than a defining image?

16- Anything else you would care to share about your book and yourself?

Shelley Stone, wife, mother, and CEO of the tech company Conch, is committed to living her most efficient life. She takes her "me time" at 3:30 a.m. on the treadmill, power naps while waiting in line, schedules sex with her husband for when they're already changing their clothes, and takes a men's multivitamin because she refuses to participate in her own oppression. But when she meets a young woman also named Shelley Stone who also has the exact same scar on her shoulder, Shelley has to wonder: Is she finally buckling under all the pressure?

Bio:

Elisabeth Cohen's work has appeared in The Mississippi Review, The Cincinnati Review, Conjunctions, McSweeney's, and The Millions. She graduated from Princeton University and has an MA from the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins and an MLS from the University of Maryland. She works as a medical editor and lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and two sons.
Twitter: @elisabeth_cohen
Instagram: @cohen_elisabeth
Website: elisabethcohen.com


The Glitch by Elisabeth Cohen

Synopsis Critique #26: Adult Fantasy

And now, it's time for this week's synopsis critique! The author of PERSEPHONE'S WALTZ, an Adult Fantasy novel, submitted this synopsis. My in-line comments are [blue and in brackets], and I'll include a summary at the end. Feel free to comment below!

If you'd like a primer on how to write a synopsis, see my posts here and here. And if you want your synopsis critiqued on this website, fill out the form here, or email your 1-2 page synopsis to me at operationawesome6@gmail.com. (NOTE: I'll email my critique to the author as soon as I'm done, so the author won't have to wait to see his/her synopsis on the site). Thanks for participating!

Synopsis

Holy Maiden YSABEL has only four months and three weeks to live. It’s a race to see which kills her first [1]: her healing ability which takes a day off her life every time she uses it or the Council of Patriarchs who plan to sacrifice her in a ritual to obtain immortality when she turns twenty-five. Ysabel has made her peace with her fate and uses the political influence it brings her as leverage to obtain political rights for women and protect the halfling refugees camping outside her city. Although by “made peace” she means she indulges in recreational drugs and dominatrix games to forget. She also suffers from face-blindness and anxiety attacks. [2]

Then Dark Lord KAINE arrives half-dead at the doorstep of her clinic [3], fleeing an assassination attempt by Patriarch JIOH. Ysabel sneaks him out of the city so he can stop his army from attacking her city. [4]Before leaving, Kaine tells her he owes her a great debt which he vows to repay. 

The next she hears of him, he’s got an army outside the Holy City Arahasnor and is demanding the patriarchs turn her over to him. The council sells her out like cheese about to expire.[5] Still traumatized by the last clichéd dark lord who tried to carry her off, Ysabel hides a knife in her hair and plans to save herself. 

After narrowly avoided being stabbed, Kaine explains he did it to save her life after he discovered that the council and their leader JIOH plan to kill her and have bound her with a magical oath not to escape. It definitely wasn’t a dreadful attempt at kidnapping equal love! [6]Although, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have any feelings for her…enough to entrust her with his greatest secret, that he’s a trans man who uses Bodymodifiers. [7]

Ysabel has become accustomed to giving up and sacrificing herself [8], but Kaine persuades her to let him try to free her from her geas. [9]The plan is to win World Game, a proxy war where nations compete for territory and money using teams of six wizard-warriors. The world leaders are magically bound to abide by the outcomes. Kaine’s gift, Plunder, allows him to steal other’s abilities and makes him a favorite to win. Ysabel has the first team made of women and led by [10]her best friend, Humanity’s Strongest Wizard-Warrior ALZIRA, who can control meteors. However, she’s [11]been too scared to compete ever since the patriarchs threatened to murder all her friends if she tried, and it takes reassurance from them to find the courage she’s been suppressing. [12]

Ysabel and Kaine’s teams meet in the finals and fight to a draw. [13]When Kaine is injured, Ysabel admits her love for him. Now she’s been freed of her oath [14]and become the new head of the council by defeating all the patriarchs [15], all seems well. In a vicious twist, Jioh reveals himself to be a former dark lord with necromantic powers who takes over the city. [16]Imprisoning Ysabel’s friends, he forces her to cruelly reject Kaine. 

Ysabel’s teammates break out of jail and come to save her. Kaine breaks into the city to save her too despite her earlier attempt to chase him off. He fights Jioh despite his magic not working and is fatally injured while killing the lich [17]. He refuses to let Ysabel heal him because she is already close to the end of her lifespan, despite her pleas. When she tries to heal him, he uses his ability to steal her cursed gift, while she tries to stop him because she doesn’t want him to end up with her curse. 

The result of their clash of wills is that Ysabel’s life is restored but Kaine loses his ability to steal magic. Ysabel continues to heal people [18], but from Kaine, she’s gained the power to take a day of the patient’s life instead of her own. She marries Kaine and moves back to his kingdom. In the very last scene, she overhears two kitchen maids telling the story of how the dark lord abducted the holy maiden. They’re both under the illusion that Kaine is the dominant one in the relationship, although actually he’s submissive by nature, as is revealed when Ysabel heads back to her room. But she no longer cares what others think of her and is content with her new life.

Comments

[1]I think this is better phrased as ‘which will kill her first’

[2]This last sentence seems tacked on, and unnecessary to this synopsis, since neither her face blindness nor anxiety attacks recur later. I’d delete it.

[3]This is the first mention of ‘her clinic.’ I assume it’s where she practices her healing, but I’d make that clear.

[4]I’m very confused by this sentence. Is the ‘he’ you refer to Kaine? Why was his army about to attack the city? Did he have a change of heart about attacking, or is not attacking the favor he plans to use to repay Ysabel?

[5]This phrase doesn’t fit the tone of the rest of the synopsis.

[6]I don’t understand this phrase (kidnapping equal love). Did you leave out a word or punctuation?

[7]Why does Kaine entrust her with this secret? Is it a secret because he’d be killed or deposed if it got out? The fact that he’s a trans man doesn’t seem relevant to the rest of the synopsis, so I’d either cut it or refer to it again later, assuming it’s important to the plot.

[8]But earlier, she had a knife in her hair so she could defend herself…

[9]What are ‘geas’?

[10]This would be better phrased as, ‘which is led by her best friend…’

[11]Is the ‘she’ Ysabel or Alzira?

[12]This is cool, and I like the idea of a wizard game that leaders are magically bound by. It’s different. But I’m not quite sure how it ties into the stakes of the book (which I think are Ysabel being freed from the council? I’m not totally sure). Take some time and see if you can distill the stakes into a single sentence. Once you have, see if you can better explain how the World Game relates to those stakes.

[13]Isn’t it Kaine’s goal to get Ysabel freed? Why would they have entered separate teams? Wouldn’t they have collaborated on forming a single super-team?

[14]How?

[15]When did she do this? How?

[16]But he was already a bad guy, right? Why is this a twist?

[17]What is this?

[18]Is she still head of the Council? I thought the plot was going to result in a more political role for Ysabel, but maybe not?

Summary

To make this stronger, really focus on identifying the stakes in the book. Why must Ysabel take action? If she doesn’t act, then what? Once you’ve done this, make sure every step of the main plot described in the synopsis relates to those stakes and works directly for or against Ysabel’s journey. Right now, the main plot is a little muddled because I can’t quite figure out how the World Game fits in with Ysabel’s stated goal (I think) to become free. 

Overall, it’s an interesting story and you just need to work on clarifying some points in the synopsis. Best of luck with this!

Mark Morrison's Operation Awesome Debut Author Spotlight and Emerging First Book

TwoSpells by Mark Morrison

1- What's the best thing about bike riding?

The freedom, the music from my Ipod, the wind in my face, the strain in my thigh muscles, the sun beating on my sweating skin and the joy in reaching my distance goal for the day.

2- What five words represent your most notable characteristic or values? #In5Words

Empathy, tenacity, honesty, integrity, curiosity.

3- What ignited your passion for writing?

My imagination of course. I wanted everyone to read my stories, my creations, my thoughts and ideas.

4- Would you share a picture with us of your book in a library?

I'd have to use a photo from my own library and you'd make fun of me if you knew some of the child-like books I read. I'm still a kid at heart. (IE: Diary of a Wimpy Kid)

5- What are some of your short and long term writing goals?

My short term is to have my next novel, in editing now, available in three months and the second of the TwoSpells series available by February of 2019. My long term goal is to write at least the stories I've already either written completely or in part published before I run out of time on this world.

6- How well do you get along with your seven siblings, and do you have any tips for others in big families?

I have a very close relationship with three of the four sisters, one has passed long before she should have, and two of my three brothers. One has chosen a life of seclusion, nobody knows why. The best tip I can think of is; love each other and be happy.

7- What is your favorite book (by someone else), and what do you love most about that book?

By far the most influential book that changed me in any profound way was the Holy Bible. I'm not religious by any standards but it opened my mind at a very young age as to how so many folks can believe so strongly in something they cannot see, touch, or hear. I was absolutely amazed at its impact on families and culture and based on faith alone. A truly outstanding book!


8- Who is currently your biggest fan? What does that person love most (or "ship") about your debut novel?

My son Jason. He's my mentor, my tutor, my editor, my sounding board, and an inspiration in so many other ways. Someday I'll write his remarkable story if he doesn't beat me to it first.

9- What emotions do you hope your book will evoke for the reader, and is there a particular scene you hope will resonate with readers?

Joy! I do love the scene near the opening of the book where Jon was sleeping, open mouthed, and Sarah watched the disgusting orange-brown glob run down from Jon's mouth and join his collection of tee shirt stains.

10- What most helped you to improve your writing craft?

More writing. TwoSpells was really the first thing I've ever written in my life. Corky was the second and the next in the TwoSpells series will be my third. I better be getting better after all the help I've gotten from wonderful reviewers like yourself.

11- How important do you think social media sites, such as Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or Instagram, are to today's authors?

I'm sure a lot, but I'm computer illiterate for the most part. My VCR still has the clock flashing off and on. Maybe I should upgrade my technology?

12- What is the most memorable trait or visual oddity of one of your characters?

My first instinct is to say the numbered tattoos on the Golem.

13- In what ways are the main characters in your book diverse? https://diversebooks.org #WeNeedDiverseBooks

Sarah and Jon are of mixed species. They'll have to deal with their own kind, the Irregulars, in the future. After the great war their similarities may become a detriment to the twins belief in themselves as well as others.


My favorite character of diversity was Jim from Huckleberry Finn. The relationship between him and Huck was touching.

14- Which character has your favorite Personality Contradiction?

Liam. He's spontaneous but cautious as well.

15- Does your book hold a mirror up to society, and in what way?

Yes! It still shows that certain cultures are still stigmatized and pushed away from standardized beliefs and silly guidelines considered the norm.

16- Can you think of any small change in the world you could make to benefit hundreds of other authors or readers potentially?

If every person in the world suddenly went blind for just a short time maybe we'd all see each other in a different light.

17- As a reader, what most motivates you to buy a new book to read?

The cover first, I'm a visual person, then the blurb cause I'm a sucker.

18- How will you measure your publishing performance?

By how many who've read my story and liked it. I have enough of everything else in my life I didn't start writing for the money, fame or accolades.

19- What was the deciding factor in your publication route?

Self-publishing because my father used to say you could only control one person, yourself. I like the control of my own destiny.

20- What's the best book marketing strategy you've come across?

I haven't found that yet. I'll let you know when I do though.

21- What is one question or discussion topic which you would like the readers of this interview to answer or remark on in the comments?

Will Sarah's family ever be reunited?

22- Anything else you would care to share about your book and yourself?

TwoSpells

TwoSpells is a magical tale about teenage twins, Sarah and Jon, who find out that they're heirs to an ancient, magical realm containing an enchanted library that can transport a reader to anywhere or anytime the author has written into a story. They soon realize that moving through the uncharted inner-sanctums of multidimensional worlds isn't the safest nor wisest of choices.

Both are emboldened with a wondrous mystical gift that no being has ever possessed. But fate intervenes pulling them into an evolving inter-dimensional war between their kind, Irregulars, and treacherous evil forces flowing from parallel universes looking to claim the library's unique magical enchantment as their own portal to besieging and conquering all realms outside their own.

The two must rescue their world from a phantom hybrid alien race controlled by a demented dark-wizard, Jeremy Sermack. They'll either assimilate or be exterminated.

Will they embrace their true identities as Irregulars and become the valiant saviours the prophets envisioned, or will they retreat to the perceived safety of their distant homeland populated with the Regulars?

Chapter 12 Excerpt

THE FRONT DOOR LAY FLATTENED, hinges bent and twisted and the sliding bolt-lock contorted. The door jam was broken and splintered.

“What is this?” Grandpa roared, waving his walking stick at the mountainous intruders. “Which one of ya’ is gonna pay for all this?”

The dust settled and the two ominous figures stood just outside the doorway, the bright moon blazing behind them. Tattooed across their pale blue foreheads were the numbers thirty-seven and thirty-eight. Each was stuffed into a suit two sizes too small and busting at the seams, barely able to contain their hulking, muscular bodies. Black, wraparound sunglasses hid their eyes from view and Sarah could tell that something strange lay behind them. One muttered into a small microphone curled toward his lips and the other stared straight ahead.

Grandpa rolled up behind them. “Collectors!”

“Collectors?” Sarah whispered to Jon. He shrugged.

“You know why here,” Thirty-seven grunted, flipping one side of his jacket open and exposing a peculiar gold badge attached to his belt. It was a cluster of mechanical gears embedded with astrological symbols and a mechanical winged dragon clinging to a peculiar orbs.

“We do not!” Grandma shouted, leaning on her walker.

“Overdue book,” the other one boomed, holding out a six fingered hand.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about ya’ thug,” Grandma said, rolling her walker closer. “Who’s gonna fix me door?”

The Collectors muttered something in another language to one another.

“We haven’t even been ta’ the bloody library in years,” Grandpa argued. “Ya’ have that written in your records?”

Thirty-seven moved closer, his hand out again. “Special text overdue.”

Sarah and Jon eased backward a little. The tone of its voice sounded threatening.

Mark was born number seven of eight children in a small town in Ohio. His family moved to Florida where he grew up, met an incredible women, got married and raised four fantastic children, three boys and a girl.

Many years later an empty nest left him to his true calling, storytelling. His first remarkable story is about a heroin whose courage and unrestrained personality, like his daughters, breathes passion and fervor into this adrenaline packed fantastical story.


TwoSpells by Mark Morrison

So long, and thanks for all the words

I started out on Operation Awesome about three years ago. I thought I would have a platform for sharing the many thoughts about writing that had been piling up in my head. I had no idea what else I would be getting.

I made some amazing friends, both on the team and through the blog readership. I learned how to critique query letters, and had the opportunity to help so many people with theirs through my Tuesday Museday feature. As one of the co-creators of Pass Or Pages, I got to help even more people get amazing feedback, and from literary agents, too! Pass Or Pages is unique in that way, and I'm proud of the role I played in creating it.

The amazing thing about Operation Awesome is that it persists through member turnover. Even though the team changes, Operation Awesome is always the same: a place for writers to find craft tips and encouragement no matter what stage of the publication journey they are on. I know it'll be in good hands when I leave. Will they be yours? Fill out the new member application here.

Operation Awesome has given me so much, and I wish I could give it more of me. But sadly, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I cannot do all the things I'd like to. Something had to give, and this time it was Operation Awesome. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one.

I hope the next time I'm on here it's for one of J's Debut Author Spotlights! Until then, I wish everyone reading this the best of luck with the next step in their writing journey.

A Depressed Writer: Taking Small Steps

When I first decided to write about being a depressed writer on this platform, all the way back in March, I didn't expect that it be more than four months before I wrote another installation in the series.

Yet here we are, the end of July, and I'm just now checking back in. That delay, in part, is of course due to the "creativity coma" that I talked about two weeks ago.

And now that I'm finally feeling better, creatively, in the sense that I want to write again, that I have ideas for writing again, I'm slamming into another wall: my depression.

The symptoms of my mental illness are something that I encounter, in some mutation, on pretty much a daily basis. Whether it's lethargy pushing me to hit the snooze for three hours; anxiety keeping me awake even though my eyes are so tired they burn; or a general sense of malaise, like the end of the world is nigh and my doom is imminent; on any given day, I am fighting off my depression and anxiety.

It's constant. And it's exhausting.

I feel like being, or at least pretending to be, "well" takes up so much of my energy. And the time! Between personal hygiene, and rest, and eating, and being social, and reading, and relaxing, and also spending 45 hours a week at work (plus commute!), what time is left to be creative?

And yet creativity, writing, is such an integral part of my mental wellbeing. It's how I express myself, yes; it's how I communicate with people, yes; it's how I hope to change the world, of course.

But in so many ways, writing is how I learn. About myself, and about others.

So often, when I sit down to write an article or a blog post, it's because I'm trying to explore an idea, an issue, a scenario.

It's the same with novels. They start as an image, or a certain feeling I want to explore.

An image: A girl standing in the midst of a crowd of people singing her praises, making eye contact with the one person who's always had the ability to make her doubt herself.

A feeling: A girl in her mid-20s, trying to achieve her dreams and have it all, wondering why her life doesn't look like the TV shows, wondering where her "Friends" are.

I write because it's how I process, and I write because it's how I survive.

Depression clouds that. It makes me forget that I even want to write, much less be able to do so well.

And so being a depressed writer is a combination of taking breaks and allowing yourself to rest, and then, eventually, just forcing yourself to do it. Because in the end, you know it's what's best. It's what you need to do. To survive. To come out, in any way, ahead.

And sometimes, "just doing it" means taking it slow. It means sitting down to write, scrounging out 500 or 1,000 words, and celebrating that fact with a slice of cake or, if you're me, an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Taking it slow means relieving the pressure, the wildly fake pressure, that there is a timeline by which you need to "make it." And it means rethinking what "making it" looks like at all. It means diving into the fact that I'm 25, three years out of college, have completed four novels and don't have an agent yet. And here I thought I'd be signing my book deal before graduation...

The only way to survive as a depressed writer, I've found, is to acknowledge reality, including my limitations, and eventually embrace overcoming them. 

And sometimes, it means thinking ahead: I began writing this post on Thursday morning, knowing I wanted to publish it on Monday morning. I wrote it in chunks over the weekend. And here it is, ready for you, as scheduled. Because I knew if I waited until the last minute, something would come up — something always does.

You get better with time, at being a depressed writer. The more you get to know yourself and your depression, the more you can deal with it. But if you're overwhelmed — when you're overwhelmed — it's important to go back to the basics: small steps. One thing at a time.

You'll get through it. I believe in you. I believe in me. We've got this.

July Pass Or Pages Entry #5

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #5: ART GIRL

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Korean-American artist Lillie Kang has one more painting to do for the high school’s art contest. The winner will receive a cash prize and an exhibit of their work in an art gallery—which is one of Lillie’s big dreams[WA1]. With her label of 'Art Girl,' all her classmates expect her to win. After finding out her dad is unemployed[WA2] stepdad and mom[JD1] is pregnant, she's determined to win the cash prize.[JD2]

There’s one problem: all the pressure has made her so anxious she’s lost inspiration to paint anything. But when Lillie meets Zevi, a boy who saved his cousin in a fire and has vivid scars to prove it, she may have found her subject. Despite her social anxiety, Zevi attempts to coax her out from hiding behind her canvas.[JD3] In a desperate attempt to finish the painting, she tries to paint him, but fails to express the image in her mind.

The pressure increases when she finds out the gallery has a scholarship opportunity for one of the participants to her dream university—a rare opportunity and her ultimate wish.[JD4][WA3] The only way she can achieve her goals is to fall in love with art all over again and paint Zevi. With the deadline approaching fast, Lillie must finish the painting, or she loses all chance for her future.[WA4]

ART GIRL is a young adult contemporary novel at 53,000 words.[JD5] It will appeal to readers of Starfish and Since You Asked.[JD6]

***********

Jess's Notes:

[JD1] There is no separation of thought here.

[JD2] For her family? Or to save it for herself? 

[JD3] This should be about her and what she does to/for Zevi, not the other way around. Since this appears to be her story, it needs to be about what she is doing.

[JD4] I would delete this since you already talk about big dreams earlier. Perhaps something like ‘a rare and incredible opportunity’

[JD5] A short word-count like this makes me believe the characters and the story aren’t quite as developed as they should be.

[JD6] Capitalize your titles and add the authors.

Whitley's Notes:

[WA1] Cut. Unnecessary

[WA2] Awkward phrasing. I think something is missing after “unemployed”

[WA3] Cut, unnecessary info

[WA4] So if she doesn't get the scholarship, she can never paint again?

I wish I reached the end of the query with a clearer sense of why Lillie needs *this* exhibit, *this* scholarship.

Andrea's Notes:

The query is well written but I do wonder if there is enough happening in the novel? Some editors might feel that the story arc feels too quiet.

First 250:

My hand trembled as I eased the brush over the canvas. With a light coat of black paint, it glowed. I was retouching an old painting of a starry sky in an attempt to spark back my lost art mojo. When I created this, the topic was ‘Freedom’ and I thought of the infinite stars scattered around the cosmos and drew the backside of a girl reaching out to all those possibilities[AS1]. Cheesy as hell[JD1] , but at the time, the idea possessed me. 

I didn’t feel any sense of freedom anymore, and a broken laugh escaped my throat at the irony. Now, the concept of stars reminded me that we only saw the past in the sky. Not the present or the future. The girl stood in front of the darkness.

Mr. Akhiro gave me a gentle smile. “Your work is fantastic, Lillie.”

Tension slipped away from my shoulders.[WA1] As I inhaled the familiar, bitter scent of paints in the art room, I ignored the empty, twisted feeling in my stomach[WA2]. Since lunch time was almost over, I had to leave.

The upcoming submission to an art gallery was due in one month, and an outside judge would pick the best artist. The cash prize attracted every art student in Lincoln High, but Mr. Akhiro narrowed down the list to ten, with my name being first on the list. He needed my best paintings because he knew it was my golden ticket to university. If only I could paint.

*************

Jess's Notes:

[JD1] Try "It's cheesy as hell now"

Even with the short word count, the query left me interested enough to want to request. Please send your first 3 chapters and your revised query in the body of your email to jess@browerliterary.com. Put Pass or Pages in the subject line.

 

Whitley's Notes:

[WA1] Is she just using the old paintings to find inspiration, or is she trying to retouch so they can be good enough for entry?

[WA2] Lovely

Andrea's Notes:

[AS1] I found the phrasing of this sentence to be a bit confusing.

I'd be happy to take a look at the first fifty pages. Please feel free to send them to andrea@harveyklinger.com

 Results:

Jess: PAGES!

Whitley: PASS

Andrea: PAGES!

July Pass Or Pages Entry #4

Time for the Pass Or Pages feedback reveals! We're so thankful to our agent panel for taking the time to critique these entries. Shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week. You are awesome!

Entry #4: THE DEBUT

Query:

I am looking for an agent and would like to be considered for my young adult [WA1]novel, THE DEBUT.

At approximately 71,000 words, it is a cross between the sarcastic humor of Riley Redgate’s "Noteworthy" and the teenage turmoil[WA2] of Julie Murphy’s "Dumplin’". [JD1]  [WA3]

Freshman year at St. Ambrose Catholic School wasn’t exactly the amazing new beginning Lisbetta (Betta) Meyer had hoped for when she left middle school with a backpack full of anxiety and self-doubt but very few friends. In fact, her first day of high school left her with a nickname no one could question; a nickname[WA4] she tried very hard to escape all year.[JD2] [AS1] 

Freshman year was also the year her father died.

Betta wants nothing more than to move on from her unhappy past [WA5] nd find her place in a world where everyone, it seems, has it figured out but her. But how do you find your place when you don’t even really know who you are yet?

The one thing Betta does know, however, is that Far Hills is where she wants to be. Far Hills—a small, affluent bubble of a beach town along the Jersey Shore, where all the pretty, rich, happy people live peaceful, normal lives. Or so Betta believes. She wants that life, a life so different that she could only ever dream it…[JD3] until the day Far Hills Theater opens auditions for its next show, the controversial [AS2]  musical, "A Chorus Line".

From auditions and call-backs, through rehearsals and to the final curtain call, readers will get to know [JD4] Betta and her castmates in shocking [AS3]  and unforeseen ways as they learn about life and about themselves in chapters paralleling the memorable songs from "A Chorus Line" such as “What I Did for Love”, “The Music and the Mirror”, “Nothing” and “At the Ballet”. [WA6]

THE DEBUT is meant to be the first in a series of Far Hills Theater novels as Betta and her new theater friends perform their way through high school.[JD5]

***********

Jess's Notes:

[JD1] Move this to the bottom. I want to jump into your query. However, this is a personal preference. 
[JD2] What’s the nickname? 
[JD3] This is repetitive. It’s been mentioned how she wants to be there and it’s easy to gather why, therefore this isn’t needed.
[JD4] Keep it about Betta. That she will learn about herself and her castmates in shocking and unforeseen ways. 
[JD5] The theater is separate from school, isn’t it?

Whitley's Notes:

[WA1] Be sure to state the genre.

[WA2] I’m not sure “teenage turmoil” is the best choice of words. What about “drama”?

[WA3] I’m not sure about these comp titles. While similar in setting/atmosphere/tone, NOTEWORTHY is recognizable for its tackling of gender identity and norms; and DUMPLIN’ is widely known for its body positivity / fat girl representation. I’d recommend comparing to these books in situations of similar representation, or if your book has a similar voice and gives representation to another marginalized group

[WA4] If the name isn’t going to be disclosed in the query, I’m not sure it needs to be referenced at all.

[WA5] When does this take place? Summer? Sophomore year? A large amount of real estate is spent on what happened Freshman year, which seems to be a thing of the past

[WA6] This paragraph isn’t really doing anything for you. Nearly all this can be assumed from the line above, and we’re left without knowing anything about the story arcs or the characters.

I have a somewhat descent sense of the world here, but almost no idea what the story will be. What is Betta’s arc? What is at stake? What is the hook, beyond A Chorus Line?

Andrea's Notes:

[AS1] This feels a bit cryptic and I’m not sure if it needs to be? Perhaps it makes sense to simply mention the nickname or leave out reference to it?

[AS2] I’m not sure if A Chorus Line would be seen as shocking to a contemporary teen?  

[AS3] I think it’s usually best to avoid the word “shocking” in emails because it presupposes a readers’ reaction to something.

First 250:

Pale yellow cotton granny panties.

No, I am sadly not referring to the undergarment in which they buried me at a respectful age of 89.

Nope![AS1]

Pale yellow cotton granny panties happened to be the unfortunate piece of clothing not so hidden beneath my kilt when I learned the hard way what the term “skirted” meant to my fellow Catholic school disciples.

I would gladly hand over every cent of the $167.38 I have saved from years of birthday money, backyard chores, and bi-annual good grade rewards to erase the memory not only from my own mind, but from those who saw the incident (and the subsequent pictures spread across social media). “Granny Panties” isn’t necessarily the handle a girl would want to earn on her first day at a new school.[JD1]

I had woken up that first morning of high school so excited. I was finally leaving behind the last few crappy years of my life and moving on, meeting new friends and making new memories…better memories. But, naturally, my sad fate was decided for me halfway through the lunch line.

It was almost like I had a flag sticking out of my forehead that told all upperclassmen I was easy prey. Hey guys, here she is, your fresh meat! And man, they nailed it.

I was minding my own business, scoping out the different groups of my fellow students and trying to interpret the lunch table situation so I could successfully sit at one without getting laughed off.

*************

Jess's Notes:

[JD1] I would change this to ‘of high school.’ That way the reader can get a sense of how old she is and that she’s experiencing an AWFUL first day of school.

It’s a cute premise and the query did leave me interested, but the voice is a little young for me so I’d have to pass.

Whitley's Notes:

I don’t think this first page starts at the right place. From how I read the query, freshman year is in Betta’s immediate past, so this would all be exposition.

Andrea's Notes:

[AS1] I found these opening sentences to be a bit confusing—perhaps think about starting a different way?

These paragraphs are telling us what happened vs. immersing us in the story—perhaps think about approaching the opening in a different way?

Results:

Jess: PASS

Whitley: PASS

Andrea: PASS