I remember my moment well.
It was September of 2013. I’d
just given my first pitch to a literary agent at a conference. For weeks before
the conference, I feverishly prepared for that pitch, watching YouTube videos,
researching, and gleaning wisdom from others who have pitched before. I wrote
and rewrote what I would say. I practiced a dozen times in front of my very-bored
children. I walked into that room, nervous, but knowing I’d done absolutely
everything I could do to make the pitch the best it could be. I’d packed an
atomic bomb’s worth of emotional and mental energy into that moment.
But, bombs have a tendency to explode.
I gave my pitch, but I failed to impress the agent.
I told myself it was okay, that I’d find another way. But,
after receiving nothing but rejections on my work for years, I began to spiral
downward. I struck the ground hard. I went to my room and detonated. I was
done. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many writers and other artists I’ve
spoken to who have experienced “that moment.” I’ve watched friends withdraw and
become depressed, hopeless. I’ve seen it so many times, that I know what
exactly what’s happening to them. The industry has worn them down. Their
strength has given out under the constant crushing weight. Their dream to do
this thing they love, feels dead.
Have you been there? Are you there right now?
That weekend in 2013, I quit for about two hours. When I got
beyond the tears and gnashing of teeth, I realized that, in my quest to be
published, I’d lost sight of my first love—writing. Would I still love writing
even if my books never achieved publication? Absolutely. I took a little break
from querying to heal and focus on my writing.
I started sending work out again, but at a slower pace. I
realized that I’d been sprinting and this is a marathon industry. I also realized
that I couldn’t hold so tightly to my narrow dreams. Perhaps I needed to
broaden them and allow them to take shape within the realm of reality. I
invested in positive friendships with other writers for much needed
encouragement, shoulders to cry on, and the often needed kick in the pants to
keep going.
Most writers have experienced moments where they want to
quit. These feelings are normal. The question is, what will you do with that
moment? Will you allow it to win? Or will you keep going?
********
Melinda Friesen, author of the dystopian One Bright Future series, writes novels for teens and short stories. She is an avid collector of rejection letters.
