Dear O'Abby: How Do I Create a Page Turner When My Story Is Quiet?

Dear O'Abby,

I'm writing a novel that I would call quiet.  There isn't a lot of external action, but the characters go through substantial change through the course of the book.  I was taught that every chapter needs to leave the reader with a reason to turn the page to the next one, but in a book where the conflict and the character journey are all driven internally, how do I create a cliff-hanger at the end of each chapter?

Best,

Quiet-Writer

Dear Quiet-Writer,

Even a quiet novels without a large amount of external action can be filled with suspense.  The end of each chapter doesn't need to be a huge cliff-hanger like those old serials they showed at the movies where a hero would be left in an out-of-control railcar heading for a cliff and the end of an unfinished railway line at the end of that week's installment.  It just needs to end with something intriguing enough to make the reader want to continue reading.

Sometimes it helps to stop mid-scene.  Someone is about to say something that will be revelatory to your MC?  Don't let the scene continue until its conclusion, break it just before the speaker says whatever will change things for your MC and start a new chapter.

Other times you can finish the scene, but leave questions unanswered so the reader needs to read on to find them out.

I find it helpful sometimes to write without imposing chapter breaks when I'm drafting.  Just write the story all the way through, beginning to end.  When you're editing, find the places you feel are the most intriguing and put your chapter breaks in these places temporarily.  You may find they are far apart, or unevenly spaced which will also indicate you may need to edit for pacing and suspense. Sometimes this is as easy as moving a few scenes around to balance the tension, and other times it may require writing some new scenes to add more in places where things might have gone a little flat.

Even quiet books can be filled with suspense and tension.  People are unpredictable and often behave in unexpected or even irrational ways.  If you find the tension dropping at some point in your story, have a character do something unexpected.  The consequences of this single action can ripple through the entire book and add layers of suspense or tension for the other characters too.

Hope this helps.

X O'Abby

Synopsis Critique #10 - Adult Suspense

And now, it's time for this week's synopsis critique! The author of ELEGY FOR THE LIVING, a 75,000-word Adult Suspense novel, submitted this synopsis. My in-line comments are [blue and in brackets], and I'll include a summary at the end. Feel free to comment below!

If you'd like a primer on how to write a synopsis, see my posts here and here. And if you want your synopsis critiqued on this website, fill out the form here, or email your 1-2 page synopsis to me at operationawesome6@gmail.com, and I'll post one critique per week (NOTE: I'll email my critique to the author as soon as I'm done, so the author won't have to wait to see his/her synopsis on the site). Thanks for participating!

Synopsis

It’s 1945. [Where? A lot of things were going on in 1945, so adding the location will help situate the reader quickly] Celia Turner is content working as a nurse and living with her mother, Pamela. [How old is Celia?] She dislikes the seedy town and the small-minded people who have labeled her a ‘spinster.’
Celia and her mother share a secret - Pamela is really Celia’s grandmother. [I'd add ', her Nana' here if you want to refer to her as Nana throughout the rest of the synopsis] Because Celia was born out-of-wedlock, Pamela moved the two of them to Manchester hoping to start a new life free from gossip and rejection. Pamela is Celia’s Nana. [You can delete this sentence, because you told us Pamela is Celia's grandmother in the first sentence] Celia has a secret of her own. She grieves for the father she will never have. [What happened to her mother?] [Also, Celia's grief for her unknown father never recurs in the synopsis. Either delete that sentence or describe how it impacts her actions and/or decision-making throughout the rest of the novel]
When she reluctantly (at first) becomes involved with David - a physician completing his residency – her world is flipped upside-down. [What specifically happens to cause her world to flip? Because she's fallen in love with him? Because he's not who he says he is? Add a little detail here] After a hasty wedding, they plan to move to his home-town of Elegy, a place no one has ever heard of. But when Nana falls [Pick either Pamela or Nana to refer to her consistently throughout the synopsis], breaking an ankle, he reluctantly agrees to take her with them - temporarily.
The mountain-locked village seems perfect – at first. After David discovers she’s [Celia's] pregnant, [I'd change this so the focus remains on Celia: 'After Celia tells David she's pregnant...'] he grows distant and uncommunicative - as do the people of Elegy. The residents are harboring a strange secret and Celia and Nana set out to learn what it is.
As Celia’s pregnancy advances, her marriage deteriorates regardless of [despite] her efforts to salvage it. And when she unearths the deadly secret, she is torn with indecision. The residents believe that the surrounding mountains form a magnetic vortex where the souls of the deceased remain until reincarnated at birth. [Is there any evidence that this is actually occurring? In other words, is it accurate to label this novel as magical realism, or are the townspeople's beliefs about the vortex false, and Celia's goal is to discredit them and/or protect herself (rather than utilizing magic in some way)?] To maintain the fragile ecological balance, with each birth, the eldest person must die. [Do the mountains somehow cause the deaths or do the townspeople actively kill the elderly?] Celia’s dream of raising her child in a clean, safe community with a loving father has become a nightmare. Initially heart-broken, her sadness turns to anger. [What does she do to manifest that anger?]
The residents, fearing Nana will reveal the secret to the rest of the world, make it clear that she cannot leave. [Why are the residents concerned about Nana, as opposed to Celia? And if Celia left and gave birth elsewhere, wouldn't that protect Nana?] Nana’s name is entered on the list of those next to die – the second from the top.
Winter is coming. There is only one other pregnant woman in town so Nana and Celia devise a plan for Nana to escape in the spring. But when Celia discovers she is carrying twins, the date must be moved up. [Again, why doesn't Celia just leave? Is she still loyal to her husband, who has tricked her into coming to this town and doesn't seem to speak to her anymore? If she is still loyal, why?] A sudden blizzard approaches and the only road out will be blocked for months. Celia and Nana have no choice. They must leave tonight. After dark.
On the way down the mountain, the car slides into a snowbank. Nana is injured. Labor begins but Celia manages to walk back into town where she discovers that the woman she thought was her friend intends to let her die and take the babies. And the woman she thought was her enemy, comes to her rescue. [Who are these women? Consider introducing them earlier in the synopsis, because then the role-reversal described here will have more of an impact] [How specifically does her enemy come to her rescue?]
Spring. The ground thaws and Celia stands at the grave of the only mother she’s ever known [So Nana dies? We definitely need more detail about how and when that happened] holding twins that bear no resemblance to either her or David. [So... there is a magical element here? Or did someone switch the babies? If Celia knows what's going on by the end, so should the reader]

Summary

This is a short, tight, well-written synopsis for what seems to be a truly creepy, suspenseful plot! Most of my critiques involve needing more in terms of character motivations, ensuring consistency throughout the main plot-line, and adding more detail to certain plot points to fill in the blanks for the reader.

Also, I'm not sure based on the synopsis whether the plot contains a fantasy or magical aspect, or whether it's purely psychological suspense/horror. If the former, you should emphasize that in the synopsis and make sure you note it in the query so agents will know what kind of book you've written (a suspense novel with a magical realism or fantastical element would be marketed differently from a realistic suspense novel).

If you want to stick with a one-page synopsis, then you can combine the first two paragraphs (as they're all set-up) and delete some of the content there. That'll leave you with some room to address some of my questions (about Celia's friends, about why Celia doesn't try to leave Elegy earlier, and especially, what happens at the end), should you choose to do so.

It sounds like an exciting book! Best of luck to you.

Wednesday Debut Interview: Run Away by Laura Salters

It's Wednesday again, which means we have yet another Wednesday Debut Interview for you! Today Laura Salters is telling us all about her New Adult Suspense novel, RUN AWAY, which debuted yesterday!

First off, tell us a bit about yourself!

Okay! I’m a 24-year-old chatterbox with a coffee addiction. I come from the northernmost town in England, so I’m a proper northern girl. I’m a trained journalist and worked at a lifestyle magazine for two years after graduating. Addicted to Netflix, running and all things chocolate.


How would you describe RUN AWAY in one sentence? Where did the idea for this mystery come from?

One sentence?? That’s mean! How about this: When the love of Kayla’s life vanishes in Thailand, she returns to England with the niggling feeling that his disappearance is linked to another recent tragedy in her life—and with the help of her shrink and an ambitious detective, she’s determined to get to the bottom of the mystery.

The idea for the story was inspired by a few things. I was intrigued by the up-and-coming New Adult genre (college age characters and mature themes) but most of what I was reading was contemporary romance. Which is awesome, but I wanted something a little different. So I thought, what if we could combine this sexy romance with something darker and more suspenseful?


How long as this process taken for you, from the time that you began the first draft of this book until the date of its publication?

I started the first draft of RUN AWAY in July 2013 and finished eight weeks later in September. I signed with Suzie Townsend in April 2014, went through a lot of edits then sold my manuscript to Emily Krump at HarperCollins in September 2014. So I guess it was pretty fast!!


This book takes place in Thailand and England. Do you have any personal connection to these places? How did you research these settings?

The England portions of the novel are set in Northumberland, which is where I’ve lived since I was born, so I didn’t have to do much research for those scenes. However, I’ve never been to Thailand so that required a lot more thought. I used Lonely Planet a lot, but my favourite thing to do was to search for pictures of the locations on Pinterest or Instagram, then describe what I saw in my own words! It was so fun to do. I think I’ll always use exotic settings in my work.


What part of this book did you most enjoy writing?

Without a doubt the fun scenes when Kayla is in Thailand with her new group of friends. I loved writing the witty dialogue, romantic moments and drunken antics.


Every writer experiences some rejection and setbacks along the way. How did you learn to cope with them and move on?

I think you have to accept that it’s always going to be a part of the journey. I know a romcom author who’s had an incredibly successful career, publishing over 15 books, but she;s having a huge dry spell and hasn’t sold a project for years. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s part of the journey—it’ll always be an inherently subjective industry. I mainly get through it by drinking wine, cuddling my dog and visiting my best friend and lovely goddaughter.


How did you find your publisher? What makes them a good fit for you and your book?

Through my wonderful agent! She pitched it to Emily Krump, who works for HarperCollins imprints William Morrow and Witness Impulse, and thankfully she loved the book as much as we do. From day one she’s been so enthusiastic, calling RUN AWAY “highly addictive” and “pure entertainment”—so by the time I spoke to her on the phone for the first time (she’s based in New York), I already knew it was going to be a great fit. I was right!


Your book cover is very striking. Who designed it? How much say did you have in it?

Thank you! The wonderful design department at HarperCollins produced it. I had a lot of say, which was so awesome—I sent them a selection of covers I really loved, one of which was Beautiful Disaster. In the end, that hugely inspired our finished cover, but we used black, white and red to give it more of a suspenseful vibe. I adore it!


Tell us about your title. Was this the original title you'd had in mind? If not, what made you change it?

Oh, titles. My Achilles heel. I can’t quite emphasise enough how awful I am at thinking of titles. I think RUN AWAY was the sixth or seventh working title? It changed three times as I was writing until I settled on THE WING CLIPPER. When I signed with Suzie it became SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FALL, then just AND FALL. It’s been a lot of different things! We wanted something punchy and gripping.


Can you tell us about some of the things you been working on between signing a contract for RUN AWAY and its release?

Sure! I’ve been working on another suspense novel called JUMP, which is set at a music festival in Serbia, plus I’ve been throwing myself into a YA fantasy series. I like to have lots of different things on the go at once. Currently fighting the urge to try my hand at screenwriting after I attended an amazing workshop through New Writing North!


How does it feel to finally have your book out in the hands of readers?

Terrifying. Surreal. Exciting. Nervewracking. Exhilarating.


Is there any other advice you'd like to pass on to others pursuing publication? Anything you would have done differently?

Just finish your manuscript. You wouldn’t get halfway through a marathon and think, “Well, I’ve got this far, but I think I could have done it better, so I’ll go back and do the first half again.” It’s the same with writing—don’t get halfway through a project and be tempted to go back and edit the first half. Reach the end. Once you have a first draft, then you can think about editing, restructuring and polishing. And don’t get disheartened! You’ve all heard the lines. “You can’t break into publishing unless you know someone.” “You’ll never make a living from writing.” “It’s not a real career.” Ignore them. Be positive. Be ruthlessly optimistic. Throw yourself into your passion.


And, just for fun, which book in your own library do you think would be your main character Kayla's favorite?

What a fun question!! I think she loves THE HUMANS by Matt Haig.

Thanks for the interview, Laura, and congrats on your debut!!

Buy RUN AWAY here!

Query Feedback for The Underground by Maribeth Graham

Today we have the query submitted by the winner of our Rafflecopter drawing, Maribeth Graham, for her YA novel, The Underground. First, the query as submitted:

Ms. Agent:

Hoping to escape the devastation from her sister’s death and her parent’s sudden departure, Mel Whitlock accepts an invitation to the secret underground clubs of NYC. It doesn’t take her long to fall in love with the eclectic world and begin using “scents” the new alternative to street drugs.

Mel’s club hopping leads to her abduction. She is taken to a place called the Orphanage where people are “hyped” into believing it is where they belong. The Leaders two very handsome boys Levi and Tobias and an androgynous looking woman named Violet, try to lure her into their subterranean world where all things considered taboo are accepted and encouraged. 

Mel’s resistance to become “hyped” alerts the leaders that she is the one Edmonda, the tea-leaf reading gypsy predicted would come. The girl one of the boys would die for. Two of the leaders will stop at nothing to “hype” Mel before she tries to destroy their underground Empire and one will do whatever it takes to protect her.

The Underground is an 80,000 word YA suspense novel with sci-fi elements and series potential.

I am a graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature (Writing for Children and Preparing Your Manuscript for Publication courses). I placed runner-up in a monthly contest sponsored by the SCBWI. Publishing credits include LCCC Literary Magazine, All You Magazine, Stories for Children Magazine and AlienSkin Magazine. I have a story that will be published in the October release of Chicken Soup for the Soul and received payment from ABC studios for a story on “motherhood.” I am looking forward to becoming a published novelist and would appreciate your help. 

I follow you on twitter and enjoy reading your blog. I recently saw that you mentioned you are looking for YA novels with sci-fi elements and I’m hopeful this story will interest you.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Sincerely,

Maribeth Graham

And now, the query with my (Angelica's) remarks:

Ms. Agent:

Hoping to escape the devastation from her sister’s death and her parents’s sudden departure (as in, her parents abandoned her, or they disappeared?), Mel Whitlock accepts an invitation to the secret underground clubs of NYC. It doesn’t take her long to fall in love with the eclectic world and begin using “scents,” the new alternative to street drugs. ( I’m sensing this is part of your worldbuilding, so I think you can put a little more about how “Scents” works, what the attraction is for Mel and others. Strictly escape? Are there hidden side effects or consequences she discovers?)

Mel’s club hopping leads to her abduction. (this feels a bit off the cuff to me—maybe use some more active phrasing to expand on the stakes. Like, was she in the wrong place at the wrong time, or is someone targeting club hoppers and/or lost girls?) She is taken (passive phrasing) to a place (a home? A spaceship? A hobbit hole? Give us something to set the stage) called the Orphanage, where people are “hyped” into believing it is the only place where they belong. The Leaders, two very handsome boys named Levi and Tobias, and an androgynous looking woman named called Violet (btw, you’ve essentially ONLY told us what these rather important characters look like—I’d like to have a descriptor that tells us about their CHARACTER), try to lure her into their subterranean world--where all things considered taboo are accepted and encouraged.

Mel’s resistance to becoming “hyped” alerts the leaders that she is the one Edmonda (you already have 4 names in play, and it’s not necessary at this stage for us to know all the names), the tea-leaf reading gypsy predicted would come (you have to be careful with the Chosen One/Prophesied One trope, because it’s been done so many times before. If there is something that makes her uniquely qualified to be the savior, you may want to emphasize that over the fact that she’s the answer to a prophecy). The girl one of the boys would die for. Two of the leaders will stop at nothing to “hype” Mel before she  destroys their underground Empire--and one will do whatever it takes to protect her (this is the line with the most impact in the entire query—don’t count on an agent reading this far to get to it. You might even consider starting with another version of it as a tagline/hook .)

The Underground is an 80,000 word YA suspense novel with sci-fi elements and series potential.

I am a graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature (Writing for Children and Preparing Your Manuscript for Publication courses). I placed runner-up in a monthly contest sponsored by the SCBWI (congratulations!). Publishing credits include LCCC Literary Magazine, All You Magazine, Stories for Children Magazine and AlienSkin Magazine. I have a story that will be published in tThe October release of Chicken Soup for the Soul will include my story, “_____” and received payment from ABC studios for a story on "motherhood" (unless this is something an agent can find easily, I’d drop it—you have plenty of other credits) I am looking forward to becoming a published novelist and would appreciate your help.  (this is implied by you submitting your query to the agent.) 

I follow you on twitter and enjoy reading your blog. I recently saw that you mentioned you are looking for YA novels with sci-fi elements and I’m hopeful this story will interest you.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Sincerely,

Maribeth Graham

--------------------------------------

As it's written, this query gives us a glimpse of your story's worldbuilding and the stakes, but lacks any reason to connect (and therefore to care about) the characters. All you've told us about Mel is that she's had a hard time, and is resistant to "hyping"--and we don't even know if this is a physical resistance, or a moral/mental resistance. And all we know about the antagonists (and possible love interest) is how they look.

If you want your query to stand out in the slush pile, it's absolutely crucial to make the reader not only want to know what happens next, but to NEED to follow the characters on their journey. You very likely have written characters that I would love to follow--but you're not giving them a chance to shine in this query.

I think if you invest a little more time in nailing down your characters (and possibly adding some voice) in this query, you will be able to intrigue an agent into asking to see more. That's a query's job, after all! All the best with your querying endeavors and don't hesitate to ask for clarification if some of my comments are confusing. Thanks for stepping up and putting your query on Operation Awesome!

---Angelica

 

Blog Tour Interview: STUNG by Bethany Wiggins

Yesterday, Michelle featured Bethany Wiggins' STUNG as part of the Book Paparazzi's STUNG Blog Tour. Her post includes the essential Top Ten Necessities for a Girl on the Run. The blog tour continues its second day at Operation Awesome (yes, we loved it that much). 

Today we've got an interview with the lovely author and an excerpt from the book!

Scroll to the bottom of the post to enter a giveaway for one of four signed copies of STUNG and some delicious honey sticks (which will make total sense once you've read the book). I had to laugh because Michelle and I had the same impulse to hoard honey after reading STUNG. Bethany might single-handedly increase honey demand globally. (I am in no way giving stock advice.)

About the Author

Bethany Wiggins has always been an avid reader, but not an avid writer.  She failed ninth grade English because she read novels instead of doing her homework. In high school, she sat alone at lunch and read massive hardback fantasy novels (Tad Williams and Robert Jordan anyone?). It wasn't until the end of her senior year that the other students realized she was reading fiction--not the Bible.

Once upon a time, Bethany's sister dared her to start writing an hour a day until she completed a novel. Bethany wrote a seven-hundred page fantasy novel that she wisely let no one read--but it taught her how to write.  She is the author of SHIFTING, STUNG (April 2013), and CURED (2014).

Find Bethany: Website | Goodreads | Twitter

About the Book

Releases April 2nd, 2013 by Walker Childrens

304 Pages

There is no cure for being stung.

Fiona doesn’t remember going to sleep. But when she opens her eyes, she discovers her entire world has been altered—her house is abandoned and broken, and the entire neighborhood is barren and dead. Even stranger is the tattoo on her right hand—a black oval with five marks on either side—that she doesn’t remember getting but somehow knows she must cover at any cost. She’s right.

Those bearing the tattoo have turned into mindless, violent beasts that roam the streets and sewers, preying upon the unbranded while a select few live protected inside a fortress-like wall, their lives devoted to rebuilding society and killing all who bear the mark.

Now Fiona has awakened branded, alone—and on the wrong side of the wall.

Find Stung: Goodreads | Barnes and Noble | Amazon | The Book Depository | IndieBound

INTERVIEW:

Katrina: I loved this early description of STUNG by you: "STUNG is about (in a nutshell) bees, child beasts, and a hot guy. It's the best thing I've ever written." Having read SHIFTING, I thought that last bit was high praise indeed! What do you love most about STUNG?

Bethany: Wow! You kept that description? That was from a long time ago! What do I love about STUNG? I love that the minute you read the first page, you are in the story. It is sort of like this whirlwind that sweeps you up, takes you on a furious ride, and then spits you out and leaves you gasping for breath. 

Katrina: Fiona awakens with a mark on her right hand, dubbing her one of the infected. Was the mark/tattoo—a black oval with five marks on either side—difficult to design or did the design just sort of come to you as you were writing the first draft? Is there any special meaning behind it other than what's described in the book?

Bethany: The mark sort of just happened, without a whole lot of thought. Even the ten lines on the sides--that has a HUGE meaning in the story, but when I originally gave Fiona the mark of a Level Ten, I didn't realize how crucial it would be to the plot. The meaning is just what I described in the book--nothing less, nothing more--but I do call it "the mark of the beast," which is a reference to a Biblical term.

Katrina: How many books are slated for this series? (Are there sequels in the works for the universe of SHIFTING, too?)

Bethany: There are definitely two books in the STUNG series (book two comes out January 2014), and probably three. As for SHIFTING, I don't know if that will ever go beyond one book. 

Katrina: STUNG has been called by many "the next Divergent" or "the next Hunger Games." But I'd like to hear from the author herself, what were your biggest influences in creating the universe of STUNG?

Bethany: Wow. I don't know who is calling it "the next Divergent" or "the next Hunger Games," but those are two incredible books to live up to. Just reading this question made me gasp! The biggest influences for Stung came from several sources (and actually, I didn't read Divergent until after I'd completely finished writing STUNG). The main inspiration for this book came from a nightmare, which is now chapter one. Also, I started writing STUNG at the time the Swine Flu was this big deal, and everyone was storming the health departments around the USA for a vaccination against the flu. I remember thinking to myself, "What if the government got the vaccine wrong and all of these people are going to turn into mindless zombies or something?" I did not get myself or my family vaccinated! A third factor was an article I read about the dying off honey bees. If you mix those three things, add some romance, some deceit, guns, and child beasts, you have STUNG.

Katrina: Since you have zombie-esque creatures, how difficult was it to write a romance in the midst of such carnage?

Bethany: The romance was the easiest part to write! The beasts and violence? Not so easy. Everything I write, I think to myself, "Will my daughter be able to read this when she's twelve?" So writing about insane teenagers who want to tear everyone to shreds was hard to do in a way that wasn't too gory or gratuitously violent. The romance was sort of like a breath of fresh air in the midst of the carnage!  

Katrina: What was the hardest scene/chapter to write and why? Or, alternately, which was the easiest to write?

Bethany: Believe it or not, the most important chapter, the one that ties everything together into a neat little package, was the very last--and hardest--chapter I wrote! It's in the middle of the book, the scene in the dark alley with the governor and the Raiders. When I very first finished the book I realized that it needed more, needed to be tied together earlier on, so I sat down and re-plotted the whole thing out, and then stuck a brand new chapter smack dab in the middle of the book! Easiest chapter? Chapter one, since I dreamed it and knew exactly how it looked, smelled, sounded, felt.

Katrina: What is your advice to new and/or struggling writers?

Bethany: If you love to write, don't give up! If you get rejections from agents/publishers, keep writing . . . BUT don't be afraid to write something new and better. SHIFTING was the fifth book I wrote. The first four weren't good enough, and I accepted that fact and put them permanently on the shelf. STUNG is the tenth or eleventh book I wrote, but when I started it, I knew it was good, so all the others I'd written were gladly stacked onto the shelf. So my point is, never stop trying. Never stop honing the craft of writing. Never be afraid to start something new. The more you write, the better you get.

THANK YOU BETHANY FOR THE INTERVIEW!

EXCERPT:

The world swims before my eyes, a blur of brown coats, golden skin and guns, and my knees buckle. Bowen’s arm snakes around my waist and he drags me the last few steps toward the beast. In one swift move, he throws me down to the ground. And then he sits on me, his legs on either side of my hips. 

His eyes flicker to my bound chest and he freezes, as if everything in the world but the two of us has disappeared. Time stops, my eyes grow wide, and his green eyes take in every detail of my body before meeting mine again. When our eyes lock, his brow furrows, his eyes narrow in confusion, and he blinks. But then the cuffs on my arms fall from my skin. Bowen picks them up and stands, taking a slow step away from me.

Read my gushing Afterglow review of STUNG.

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