Dear O'Abby: Do I need to mention my age when I query?

 Dear O'Abby,

I've written my first book and I'm  excited to start querying it to agents and publishers.  I've done a bunch of research online, and I feel pretty well prepared, but the one thing I can't find out is if I need to disclose my age in a query.  I'm 14, and I feel like that's something unique about me that I should share in my query - I mean, how many 14-year-olds write novels?

So, is this something I should share?  Or should I wait until further down the track to let that little tidbit out of the bag?

Truly,

Younger

Dear Younger,

Firstly, let me congratulate you on finishing a book!  That's quite an achievement at any age.

From my point of view, I'd keep your age out of it at this early stage.  When you're querying, all the agent is really looking at is the quality of your work and whether you've written something compelling that they can sell.  I feel like mentioning your age at this point could skew the way they read your work and potentially bias them one way or another before they even start.

Obviously you will need to disclose your age eventually - at 14 you're not old enough to sign a legally binding contract, so will need a parent or guardian to do this for you - but I'd leave it until you've got something concrete on the table in terms of an offer or "the call".

That's the point where your age could be advantageous as it offers the agent a different marketing angle.  I mean, you're not the only young writer out there, but there aren't so many teenage authors that it's not a talking point.  So use it!

Hope that helps!

And good luck with the querying.  It can be hard, but don't get discouraged or let rejections destroy your love of writing and storytelling.  You have plenty of time to be published.

X O'Abby

Book Marketing Experiment #782: Wattpad

For me, book marketing has been one experiment after another. I hear of or think of a new idea, then give it a try. Some things have worked. Some haven't, but I'm always willing to try something new.

For the past year, I've been thinking about and researching Wattpad. I've heard of people having success there, but I've been in this business long enough to know that for every wildly successful author out there, there are about 10,000 others who haven't achieved the same results.

I had a few of misgivings about Wattpad.

1. There are thousands and thousands of stories available which means it's yet another platform where competition is fierce.
2. It's free. I work very hard on writing and editing my novels, and I feel my time has value. No one would give away a house they built themselves, and we're talking about a similar number of hours invested.
3. If the novel didn't do well, I ran the risk of never getting it traditionally published because it would be available online for free, which technically means it was previously published.

However, I have this manuscript that I wrote during the 72-Hour Novel Contest (yes, you have 72 hours to write an entire novel). The Typhon Project is a YA Sci-fi apocalyptic read that is complete at 35,000 words, qualifying it as a novella, not a novel. I loved the story, so I'd considered weaving in some subplots to beef it up but, after a lot of thought, came to the conclusion that the story was best served at its present length. 

As I considered trying out Wattpad, I thought of The Typhon Project, a manuscript that I would probably never pursue traditional publication for because of its length. I wanted to share that story and since it was just going to languish on my computer anyway, I decided that Wattpad might be an excellent way for me to get it in front of readers, especially since the platform is hugely popular with teen audiences. 

So, I designed a cover and posted the first couple chapters. I've committed to posting a chapter per week until it is complete. This experiment is well underway, and I'm excited to see how it turns out. If you're curious, you can find it here: The Typhon Project

Since I'm still learning this new platform, I'd love tips from the OA community. If you have any tips or best practices to share with a Wattpad newbie, please post them in the comments below. Thanks!

****************

Melinda Friesen specializes in writing teen fiction. Her first novel, Enslavement, has been nominated for a Sunburst Award as well as a Saskatchewan Young Readers Choice Snow Willow Award.

9 Questions to Ask Before You Sign a Publishing Contract

Writers wait, many times years, for that big breakthrough in their career—a publishing contract.

When the call or email finally comes, it’s a moment of disbelief, excitement, and dreams come true. While it may be tempting to sign whatever contract they send you—after all, who knows if it will ever happen again—there’s a few questions you need to ask first because no contract is better than a bad contract.

 Every writer has different standards in terms of what they’re willing to sign, however I’ve spoken with more than a few authors who have deeply regretted signing bad contracts. Nowadays, there are too many options out there to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. While the following list may sound like an interrogation, if it’s all done politely and in conversation, it will help you and the publisher to align your expectations and get to know each other better.

1.       Marketing

Here’s the thing about marketing—the author needs to market! The days of the reclusive author clacking away at a keyboard from their writing shed are over. You need to plan on getting out there and working your butt off to sell your novel. But, your publisher should be your partner in this work. Ask how they plan to market your book.

2.       Terms

View this contract as a mini-marriage. Once you sign, you’re going have a relationship with this publisher for however long their contract states. These terms rang from a couple years to a lifetime right to publish. Ask how long they retain the right to publish. Are you comfortable with relinquishing your rights for the period of time they’re asking for?

3.       Advance

Personally, I’m not hung up on advances because it’s an advance on royalties, not bonus money.

You’ll get your royalties one way or another before or after publication. However, it’s a question to ask if it’s something you want. Also, ask what happens if you don’t earn out your royalties. I know one author who didn’t earn out his royalties and ended up with a bill in the mail for $500.

4.       Royalties

What percentage of royalties will you be paid? Is the percentage based on gross sales or net sales? How often will you receive a royalty statement?

5.       Rights

Never, ever sign anything that requires you to give up your copyright! Never! The copyright should always be yours. When you sign a publishing contract, you are giving the publisher exclusive rights to publish your book, not relinquishing your copyright. But, what exactly are they asking for—print rights? Electronic book rights? Audio book rights? Movie rights? Merchandising rights? Serial rights? Translation rights? You need to ask.

6.       Editorial process

Are they going to require revisions? If so, what is their editorial process? How many editors will work on your book?

7.       Business background

How long has the publisher been in business? Do an online search and make sure to check editorsandpredators.com to see what their clients have to say. Do they have a good reputation in the writing community? Don’t be afraid to ask to speak with one or two of their authors for references. Again, this is a long term relationship. Don’t go into it blindly.

8.       Termination clause

What if things go poorly with this publisher? Ask about their termination clause. Will you be able to get your rights back if something unexpected happens? What happens to your rights when the book is considered out of print?

9.       Obligation to publish

Ask if there is a publish-by date. Without an obligation to publish with a deadline, the publisher can sit on your book for years. You won’t be able to publish it yourself or be able to seek out another publisher.

Always read any contract carefully and seek legal advice. If you can’t afford a lawyer, many writers’ organizations have resources available to their members. Know what you’re signing, and if you don’t understand something, ask. Remember: most publishers aren’t out to take advantage of you. Most want what you want—a profitable partnership and a great book. It’s up to you to sort the good from the bad and to decide what’s best for your book and your career.

Do you have any contract advice? If so, leave a comment below.

Re-imagining a Book Title

Novel titles are not my strong suit. Writing 80,000 words—no problem. Coming up with a couple words to encapsulate those 80,000 words—huge problem. Titles present a ton of pressure. The title must hook the reader, stand out, look good on a book cover and reflect the tone and themes inside those covers.

Think of your favourite books. The title is part of what makes them awesome. Would The Hunger Games have caught on if it had been called The Volunteer? Or if The Fault in our Stars had been called Augustus and Hazel’s European Vacation? Title are important. The pressure!

A couple years ago, I wrote a blog post about my novel-naming woes called, “No Name Novel.” I wish I could say that in those years I somehow mastered the art of titles, but it’s just as much of a struggle as ever.

So when my publisher approached me and asked to change the name of the second book in my One Bright Future series, I wasn’t surprised. The first book, originally titled The Enslavement of Rielle James, was trimmed down to Enslavement. I’d given the second book the working title of Captivity, which had grown on me as I worked through the edits.

A new title was suggested, but I wasn’t keen on it for a number of reasons. I did an Amazon search to see how many other books had that title or something similar. There were a lot! So, rather than coming back to my publisher and shooting down their idea, I decided to put together a list of titles I could live with. I brainstormed on my own, then with some writer friends. When I’m serious about brainstorming ideas I like to write them on my hand and wrist. Don’t ask me why.

So, with a list of about 15 titles scrawled on my skin, I narrowed it down to three. Writers are word people, so to me, each title word not only had a unique definition, but had nuances, undertones and a shape (dull, sharp, round, jagged) that played into my decision.

I presented my reasons for not wanting their suggestion along with the short-list of my suggestions to my publisher. After some back forth via email, we settled on the new title. It’s taken some getting used to and some habit breaking, but I’m thrilled with this new moniker. What did we agree upon? Book two in the One Bright Future series will be called Subversion. And it’s the perfect title for this book.

* * * * * *

Melinda Friesen writes novels for teens and short stories from her basement in Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada. Presently, she's trying to pretend there's something outside besides snow and ice.

Major Rewrites: Revising in Layers or Moving Mountains One Stone at a Time, Part 1

In the spring, I had to tackle a major revision of the second book in the One Bright Future series. To give a bit of history, I wrote the series nearly six years ago. I put the first book through countless revisions over those years. However, I did not do the same to subsequent books as I rationalized that spending that time on sequels when I couldn’t find a publisher for the first book was a waste of time.

So, after Enslavement (book one) was published, I knew I had to devote some serious attention to book two. My basic plot worked, but I needed to amp up the action and dystopian elements to match the first book. A new fear seized me—that those who read Enslavement and liked it, would be disappointed by book two. I wanted book two, not just to meet expectations, but to exceed them.

Thinking about the changes I needed to make was overwhelming and intimidating to say the least, but I’d already done this type of revision with the first book. Yes, there was some heart-pounding panic. Yes, part of me wanted to lie down and give up. Yes, I cursed myself for not doing more with the MS previously. But, I pushed this aside. It was time to get to work.

I’ve developed my own system for applying these major changes, which I’ll share with you. After writing this blog post, I realized it was far too long and detailed for a single post, so I’m going to give it to you in two installments. Next, Monday, September 21, I’ll give you the remainder.

I’ve learned that I can accomplish any task, no matter how huge, by breaking it down into smaller tasks. So, let’s get started.

1.       Brainstorming.

In this phase, I ask myself oodles of questions. What else is possible in this setting? What else could be going on with these characters? What is my antagonist’s goal, my protagonists goal? What are all the possible ways they could attempt to forward their agendas? How would all this effect my protagonist? There are no bad answers. I write them down—all of them, even the ridiculous ones, knowing some I’ll use and some I won’t.

2.       Outlining the existing MS.

This is a list of plot points, nothing elaborate. I just need to get a bird’s eye view of what I’ve already done. Because the basic plot was staying the same, I needed to be able to plug the new elements into the old.

3.       Thinning.

After taking some time to mentally explore my brainstormed options, I thin that list by removing items that are inconsistent with my world and characters, items that will take the story in an unacceptable direction, those that will not feed into the greater plot and some that I just don’t like. I'm left with the subplots and character changes that I intend to integrate into the MS.

4.       Subplotting.

I take each of the new subplots/characters and make a brief outline of what each will involve. For example, if I'm adding a new character, I jot down how they will figure into the story—where the character will meet my protagonist, how they will interact and how they will support the greater plot.

Overwhelmed yet? Don't worry. You’ll tackle one element at a time and it will all come together.

So, where do you go from here? Stop by next Monday, and I’ll tell you how I complete this process and shine up that manuscript so it’s publication ready.

Have you had to tackle rewrites and major revision? What’s your response? I’d love to hear from you.

Melinda Friesen writes short stories and novels for teens. When she's not writing, she's the marketing director at Rebelight Publishing Inc. She lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada with her husband, four children and five gerbils.

Celebration of the Arts by PK Hrezo

This past Sunday was the 87th Academy Awards. Did you watch? I love the Oscars and always put it on my schedule. Why? Because it's not just about celebrities and glamour--although it's a big part of what makes it entertaining--but the entire show is one hundred percent devoted to celebrating the arts.

And the biggest prizes go to the best stories.

That's right, STORIES.

That's what films are, and they don't get awards for being action-packed. They get recognition because a writer or writers put their heart and soul into the story. Sound familiar? That's exactly what we do.

Screenplay writers, adaptation writers, directors ... they all have a vision, and bringing that vision to life to make people feel something is what the arts are all about.

Then there's the makeup artists and costume designers and graphic artists. They create based on the writers' ability to create an image using words. It's all so amazing that they really deserve to be celebrated.

But that's not why I'm writing this post. I mean, it's not like the Oscars need more recognition, right? ;)

Watching the award show always inspires me to get back to doing what I love--crafting a story! And dreaming up characters and worlds and conflict Because a celebration of the arts of Oscar magnitude gives me such a rush of hope and possibility. Maybe we can reach that point one day. Maybe one day, it will be one of us sitting in that audience because an actor was nominated for playing the role of a character we created. Or because the adaptation of our novel to film has just won Best Picture.

Who knows! Watching the Oscars reminds me that art is important and people love it--they NEED it. And we have the ability to offer more of it. It's not beyond any one of us.

Do you remember the movie Juno? The screenplay writer was just an average woman making her way through life and craving experience so she'd have something to write about. She won an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Wow!

There are plenty more success stories like that, too. The Oscars prove that there is room at the top for everyone and anyone who works hard enough and is dedicated to their art.

Consider the actors and actresses for a moment. Receiving an Oscar nod is one of the biggest accomplishments of their career, and actually winning is another ball game entirely. Their resume is forever impressive to whoever glances upon it. What an achievement!

But think about what it took for the actor to get there. Many of them started at the very bottom. Like writers, there is a slush pool of aspiring actors out there. I would imagine it's as hard to get a talent agent as it is to get a literary one. And many start with commercials and low-budget films or TV shows. It's a lot like us writers starting out with manuscripts that will never go anywhere because our writing hasn't reached a publishable level. Just as a brand new actor doesn't receive a starring role in a blockbuster film.

We have to work our way through the artistic trenches and earn our ranks.

All part of the process. So next time you feel like your writing sucks or your stories aren't up to snuff, think of the worst commercial you've ever seen and imagine the actor(s) in it. Think they're proud of their work?

The only thing NOT to be proud of is giving up.

By the way, if you missed the Oscars this year you can see the replay on YouTube with a search.

Celebrating the arts is so important. Storytelling is so important. Pursuing our dreams is so important. If you ever start forgetting that, pull up an old Oscars award night and just watch.

Tell me, do you make it a point to watch award ceremonies like the Oscars? Why or why not? Do they inspire you? Can you see yourself at the Oscars? 

Honey Queen At Large!

New Release! YA Fantasy/Romance HONEY QUEEN

 

Love is honey sweet, but it comes with a fatal sting . . .

Melaina Maris needs wings to fly the gap between loving Sam and her family's ancient curse that forces carnal love and then kills the male lovers. She won't let the same fate that killed her father befall another. She refuses to allow her goddess-created bloodline to continue. But there's no easy way out, especially after the curse turns her into the Honey Queen--savior to honey bees--intensifying her charms. To help her fulfill the curse's demands in the least harmful way, her grandmother takes her to mate with terminally ill Boyd. But Boyd's gay. And an expert in mythology. Instead of having sex, Melaina learns how she might summon the goddess who created the ancestor bee-charmer and cursed her bloodline. Melaina's magic--tears to save honey bees from endangerment--could be enough to persuade the goddess to end the curse. But an unexpected discovery soon changes that hope, spinning Melaina into a swarm of love, friendship and death.

A Regional SCBWI "Best in Show"

Easy Click Purchase:

Author Bio:

Christina Mercer is an award-winning author of fiction for children and young adults. Honored titles include Tween/Teen Fantasy ARROW OF THE MIST and its sequel ARMS OF ANU, and YA Fantasy/Romance HONEY QUEEN. In addition to writing, Christina holds a degree in Accounting from California State University at Sacramento and a Certificate in Herbal Studies from Clayton College of Natural Health. She resides in Northern California enjoying life with her husband, two sons, four dogs, and about 100,000 honeybees. To learn more about her and her writing, visit: WebSite | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads

Sold: Angelica R. Jackson's Crow's Rest, to Spencer Hill Press

Yay, I finally get to announce that my book, Crow's Rest, and I are joining the Spencer Hill Press family!

And the release date is May 12, 2015!

(Illustration by Arthur Rackham for the fable, The Crow & The Pitcher)

That image for The Crow and The Pitcher is particularly fitting--this deal has been in the works for a while, but so many things cropped up in the meantime (some in my control, some not--I guess it would have been quicker to type "life happens") that it wasn't until last week that I signed the contract. Took awhile to be able to get a drink of that water! Even so, that May 2015 date seems like it's coming up awfully fast!

One thing that's helping with the timeline is that I did a lot of the "homework" ahead of time. Especially since this was a book that I got very close to starting the self-publishing process on, I had an entire list of things ready to go. Some publishers want more or less of this info, but Spencer Hill Press has a pretty exhaustive Author Information sheet to fill out. I provided links to cover art and artists that I like, elements that I want to include or don't want to see in a cover for Crow's Rest, and some choices for back copy and loglines.

That back cover copy is especially important--all the research I had done said to keep it below 200 words. I managed to do that--and then I learned that it may need to be as short as 500 characters. Yes, that's characters-- as in barely longer than 3 tweets!

So I encourage you all to put thought into this kind of thing before you get that deal (or while you're sitting on the news, waiting for permission to announce). You may not use your draft of the back copy on the final cover, but having several different ways to sum up your book helps with promotional opportunities down the road.

Here's the draft I've been using on my blog, so check back for the cover reveal and see how much it changed (or didn't):

Avery Flynn arrives for a visit at her Uncle Tam's, eager to rekindle her summertime romance with her crush-next-door, Daniel.

But Daniel’s not the sweet, neurotic guy she remembers—and she wonders if this is her Daniel at all.

Or if someone—some thing—has taken his place.

Her quest to find the real Daniel—and get him back—plunges Avery into a world of Fae and changelings.

Where creatures swap bodies like humans change their socks, and magic lives much closer to home than she ever imagined.

So excited to join our other Operatives at Operation Awesome who have also chosen to go with Spencer Hill--do we have a group signing in our future, Kell Andrews and Angela Townsend?

Guest Post with Tina Moss: Para Beyond the Normal

Halloween always makes me reach for a spooky book, and one supplier of my habit, author Tina Moss, has joined Operation Awesome for a guest post on writing paranormal fiction. Take it away, Tina!

Para Beyond the Normal
By: Tina Moss

Writing paranormal fiction is akin to the delicate and intimate art of...cave-diving. I’ve never actually been cave-diving, mind you, but whenever I sit down at the keyboard to work on a paranormal manuscript, I inevitably picture a cave. Not your “nice” cave either complete with roaring fire, no bugs, comfy sleeping bag, and an unending supply of s’mores. No, not that type. I imagine a big, gaping black hole that I’m about to jump into with--or some days without--safety gear attached.

So, why would any sane rational person decide to write a genre that essentially equates to jumping into a bottomless pit? Well, putting aside the fact that I sometimes question my sanity, and almost never feel rational when it comes to writing, paranormal does something that no other genre can do. It allows you to dive headfirst into a world where anything, absolutely anything, can and often does happen. The only limits are the depths of the author’s imagination. Now, to be fair, fantasy and sci-fi may be able to take the reader on a similar experience, but I consider both in the realm of the paranormal. Whenever we suspend our beliefs of what constitutes as “normal” than we’ve landed in the beyond normal, namely the paranormal.

As we approach Halloween, arguably the Superbowl of the Paranormal, and reflect upon this genre, I’d encourage you to pick up an author you’ve never read before. Nowadays the most challenging aspect of being a paranormal author is encouraging readers to gamble with their hard earned money on a shiny new story...from a name they’ve never heard. We’ve had amazing heavy hitters around for years, names like Jeaniene Frost and Jim Butcher, Kresley Cole and Ilona Andrews, Nalini Singh and J. R. Ward, and scores of amazingly talented paranormal and urban fantasy authors. As a small fish in a big pond, it can be hard to break into this incredibly talented market. So, blogs like Operation Awesome, and readers like you, can really make the difference in finding new stars in this field.

Finally, for the newbie paranormal readers out there, don’t be afraid to suspend your belief and take that dive into one of the odd “caves” known as paranormal stories. Whether ghosts or ghouls, vampires or werewolves, witches or psychics, and the scores of mythical and mystical creatures waiting to delight and terrify you, remember all personify our basic human fears and delights. From the immortality of the vampire to the strength of the werewolf to the ghostly desire to see our loved ones again, paranormal may be beyond the normal, but it touches us on a primal level. An author may take you on the wildest abstract ride while still pulling at your heart strings or raising the hairs on your neck, and that’s why paranormal is worth the jump...even without the safety gear.

Thanks, Tina! And if you're dying for a good Halloween read, Tina and co-author Yelena Casale have a new book coming out!

 
Cassie’s working for a tightwad boss at a pretentious NYC diner, dealing with paralyzing pain that doctors can’t diagnose, and trying to hide her hands that glow purple whenever she ...well, whenever.

So, when a mysterious stranger walks out of her dreams and into her life to spout some nonsense about her being a mythical creature, she chalks it up to one more crazy thing to add to her it’s-a-crappy-life list. Yet, when the stranger’s predictions start to come true, she discovers a world that could shake up her humdrum existence.

The book releases on Halloween, October 31st. Add it on Goodreads here! And here's some info on Tina and Yelena:

Tina Moss (on the right in photo) is an author of urban fantasy, paranormal romance, romantic suspense, and New Adult novels. She lives in NYC with a supportive husband and alpha corgi, though both males hog the bed and refuse to share the covers. When not writing, she enjoys reading, watching cheesy horror flicks, traveling, and karate. As a 5'1" Shotokan black belt, she firmly believes that fierce things come in small packages.

Find her at: 

Website
Twitter: @Tina_Moss

Facebook

Instagram

Yelena Casale is an Urban Fantasy & Paranormal Romance author. When she is not writing, she loves to read, watch TV with her husband (and without), take long walks and cuddle with her cat Bones. She is a second degree black belt/Shotokan karate instructor, and archaeology, history & art enthusiast. 

Website

Twitter: @Yelena_Casale

Facebook

Pinterest

 

Query Feedback for The Underground by Maribeth Graham

Today we have the query submitted by the winner of our Rafflecopter drawing, Maribeth Graham, for her YA novel, The Underground. First, the query as submitted:

Ms. Agent:

Hoping to escape the devastation from her sister’s death and her parent’s sudden departure, Mel Whitlock accepts an invitation to the secret underground clubs of NYC. It doesn’t take her long to fall in love with the eclectic world and begin using “scents” the new alternative to street drugs.

Mel’s club hopping leads to her abduction. She is taken to a place called the Orphanage where people are “hyped” into believing it is where they belong. The Leaders two very handsome boys Levi and Tobias and an androgynous looking woman named Violet, try to lure her into their subterranean world where all things considered taboo are accepted and encouraged. 

Mel’s resistance to become “hyped” alerts the leaders that she is the one Edmonda, the tea-leaf reading gypsy predicted would come. The girl one of the boys would die for. Two of the leaders will stop at nothing to “hype” Mel before she tries to destroy their underground Empire and one will do whatever it takes to protect her.

The Underground is an 80,000 word YA suspense novel with sci-fi elements and series potential.

I am a graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature (Writing for Children and Preparing Your Manuscript for Publication courses). I placed runner-up in a monthly contest sponsored by the SCBWI. Publishing credits include LCCC Literary Magazine, All You Magazine, Stories for Children Magazine and AlienSkin Magazine. I have a story that will be published in the October release of Chicken Soup for the Soul and received payment from ABC studios for a story on “motherhood.” I am looking forward to becoming a published novelist and would appreciate your help. 

I follow you on twitter and enjoy reading your blog. I recently saw that you mentioned you are looking for YA novels with sci-fi elements and I’m hopeful this story will interest you.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Sincerely,

Maribeth Graham

And now, the query with my (Angelica's) remarks:

Ms. Agent:

Hoping to escape the devastation from her sister’s death and her parents’s sudden departure (as in, her parents abandoned her, or they disappeared?), Mel Whitlock accepts an invitation to the secret underground clubs of NYC. It doesn’t take her long to fall in love with the eclectic world and begin using “scents,” the new alternative to street drugs. ( I’m sensing this is part of your worldbuilding, so I think you can put a little more about how “Scents” works, what the attraction is for Mel and others. Strictly escape? Are there hidden side effects or consequences she discovers?)

Mel’s club hopping leads to her abduction. (this feels a bit off the cuff to me—maybe use some more active phrasing to expand on the stakes. Like, was she in the wrong place at the wrong time, or is someone targeting club hoppers and/or lost girls?) She is taken (passive phrasing) to a place (a home? A spaceship? A hobbit hole? Give us something to set the stage) called the Orphanage, where people are “hyped” into believing it is the only place where they belong. The Leaders, two very handsome boys named Levi and Tobias, and an androgynous looking woman named called Violet (btw, you’ve essentially ONLY told us what these rather important characters look like—I’d like to have a descriptor that tells us about their CHARACTER), try to lure her into their subterranean world--where all things considered taboo are accepted and encouraged.

Mel’s resistance to becoming “hyped” alerts the leaders that she is the one Edmonda (you already have 4 names in play, and it’s not necessary at this stage for us to know all the names), the tea-leaf reading gypsy predicted would come (you have to be careful with the Chosen One/Prophesied One trope, because it’s been done so many times before. If there is something that makes her uniquely qualified to be the savior, you may want to emphasize that over the fact that she’s the answer to a prophecy). The girl one of the boys would die for. Two of the leaders will stop at nothing to “hype” Mel before she  destroys their underground Empire--and one will do whatever it takes to protect her (this is the line with the most impact in the entire query—don’t count on an agent reading this far to get to it. You might even consider starting with another version of it as a tagline/hook .)

The Underground is an 80,000 word YA suspense novel with sci-fi elements and series potential.

I am a graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature (Writing for Children and Preparing Your Manuscript for Publication courses). I placed runner-up in a monthly contest sponsored by the SCBWI (congratulations!). Publishing credits include LCCC Literary Magazine, All You Magazine, Stories for Children Magazine and AlienSkin Magazine. I have a story that will be published in tThe October release of Chicken Soup for the Soul will include my story, “_____” and received payment from ABC studios for a story on "motherhood" (unless this is something an agent can find easily, I’d drop it—you have plenty of other credits) I am looking forward to becoming a published novelist and would appreciate your help.  (this is implied by you submitting your query to the agent.) 

I follow you on twitter and enjoy reading your blog. I recently saw that you mentioned you are looking for YA novels with sci-fi elements and I’m hopeful this story will interest you.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Sincerely,

Maribeth Graham

--------------------------------------

As it's written, this query gives us a glimpse of your story's worldbuilding and the stakes, but lacks any reason to connect (and therefore to care about) the characters. All you've told us about Mel is that she's had a hard time, and is resistant to "hyping"--and we don't even know if this is a physical resistance, or a moral/mental resistance. And all we know about the antagonists (and possible love interest) is how they look.

If you want your query to stand out in the slush pile, it's absolutely crucial to make the reader not only want to know what happens next, but to NEED to follow the characters on their journey. You very likely have written characters that I would love to follow--but you're not giving them a chance to shine in this query.

I think if you invest a little more time in nailing down your characters (and possibly adding some voice) in this query, you will be able to intrigue an agent into asking to see more. That's a query's job, after all! All the best with your querying endeavors and don't hesitate to ask for clarification if some of my comments are confusing. Thanks for stepping up and putting your query on Operation Awesome!

---Angelica