#AtoZChallenge--Believe in Your Message

Let’s play a game! Comment below and answer these four questions:

1.     What is your current project about?

2.     Why did you write this story in the first place? What were you thinking and feeling?

3.     What are the underlying themes in your novel?

4.     Why did you choose these underlying themes and why are they important to you?

We’d love to hear your responses! The underlying messages in your story are important.

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#AtoZChallenge Living Writing Motivation

A Month of Writing Motivation is the Operation Awesome theme for the 2020 A to Z Challenge. I'm giving examples of how five reference books offer writing motivation.




Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

This is a stretch for the letter L, but the book is super motivating, so just go with it, okay?

It motivates the reader to look inside themselves to find creativity. The book talks about common fears, which are the enemy of motivation. There's a section about saying yes to an idea, versus saying no to one. Then it motivates the reader to write a story because, if you don't, someone else will get to write it. In "Hard Labor versus Fairy Dust," you'll find some of what I mentioned in the C post on April 3. The book talks about being grateful for creativity. What's motivating, the book suggests, is knowing that writing is how you want to spend your life.

It suggests that you'll feel more motivated to pursue your creative passion once you give yourself permission to do so. And it says to not let the judgments of others stop you. Then the book suggests staying motivated to write in order to support writing -- not writing to support your financial needs. It talks about being willing to take the good with the bad to get to write, which is motivating on those days when you hate the hard parts.

There's a part that suggests you should seduce creativity and motivation so they'll long to come to you. It's a different way to think about things, isn't it? And then it talks about finishing being more important than being perfect. (My J post on April 11 featured a book focused on that idea.)

An entire section is devoted to discussing how loving to write doesn't mean you won't suffer, that it won't be hard, or that you'll always be motivated. The book suggests how to accept and deal with that. The author focuses a lot on curiosity, using it to find motivation and inspiration.

Have you ever given thanks for being creative?

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#AtoZChallenge--Keep Going

Are you stuck at the midpoint in your novel? Find yourself in a plothole and can’t seem to get out of it? Well, look no further! Here are some practical tips to push through your challenging midpoint:

·      Step away and come back later

o   Take the time to alleviate your frustration and come back with new eyes. It often lets you see a new angle to attack the problem.

·      Re-write the scene but end it in a different way

o   See if you could try giving the characters a new challenge. Write the ending to the scene in a different way. Experiment with what you can put the characters through so that they can be geared up for the harrowing climax.

·      Re-write the scene with another point of view

o   If your book is written in first person, try third person and vice versa. Writing the scene through a different perspective may help you see any holes or problems in the overall plot.

·      Don’t beat yourself up

o   This is probably the most important thing. Be kind to yourself and don’t get worked up over writer’s block. You will get through this.

·      Make a playlist of music or videos that remind you of the characters or plot

o   This could inspire you or give you new ideas for scenes if you get lost in the music.

·      Write the ending and outline key points connecting the midpoint to climax.

o   If you know where the characters are going to end up, writing the climax will come easier. If you list all of the scenes that you thought of between the midpoint and climax, you’ll be able to connect them easier.

We here at OA wish you nothing but the best on your writing journey! Let us know in the comments how you got through your challenging midpoint! :)

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#AtoZChallenge Jon Writing Motivation

A Month of Writing Motivation is the Operation Awesome theme for the 2020 A to Z Challenge. I'm giving examples of how five reference books offer writing motivation.



Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff

When I read this book, it motivated me to reevaluate my writing goals, which in turn motivated me to write more. It made it easier for me to be creative. That's why I wanted to include it this month. Here are some ways this book offers motivation:

• Focus more on doing, less on perfection.
• Day two is harder than people believe. Knowing that can help you get past it.
• Goals are easier to reach when cut in half, which will keep you motivated to accomplish them.
• Motivation dies when you try to be perfect at too many activities at once.
• Include more fun in what you're doing.
• Find out if fear or rewards motivate you more.
• Understand why you've set the goals you've set.
• Motivation is killed by doing other tasks instead of our goals.
• Stop thinking "I can't (write a novel) until I (whatever isn't writing a novel)," because that's shoving motivation aside.
• Easier and simpler goals are motivation's best friend.
• Data can prove you're motivated and succeeding. 
• Assess your previous success. 
• Know that finishing something means you get the gift of starting something else.
• Figure out what you get from not finishing, from wasting your time and motivation.

The chapters come with actions, so this isn't a passive read, it's a book to really put you in a motivated headspace. 

Have you ever read a reference book that wasn't aimed specifically at writing, yet it helped you on your writing journey?


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#AtoZChallenge--Inspiration and Beginner's Mind

What do inspiration and martial arts have in common? They both benefit from a Buddhist principle called “beginner’s mind.”

Picture yourself walking into a dojo. It is an empty room with tatami mats, wooden swords and other training weapons hanging on the walls and an alter in front to honor the previous sensei (teacher) who has passed, as well as the ones before them.

Just like a student who takes their first martial arts class, you are experiencing everything with a beginner’s perspective. Your physical abilities are tested with drills at the beginning of the class to warm you up. You learn the basic stances and movements that will carry you through the techniques you will learn in later classes. You take in the sounds of other students acknowledging their sensei’s instructions and letting out kiai with each punch and kick. You inhale the smells of sweat and incense. You are so immersed in the class that you don’t even look at the clock.

As a first-time student, you didn’t know anything about martial arts prior to taking the class. That same mentality is the key to finding inspiration.

Inspiration is more of a way to look at an idea rather than the perceived worthiness of that idea. It doesn’t matter what you write as long as you write it in the best way that you can. Even the most nonsensical, otherwise “throwaway” ideas can become great works of art if they are written with skill and passion.

See if you can look at everything with a beginner’s mind. Things that you would consider mundane may become exciting. Foods will have a bolder taste to them. Everyday activities can become fun if you pretend that you’ve never done them before.

Ideas are everywhere. There is no such thing as a “bad idea” as long as you write it well.

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#AtoZChallenge - Humanity

H is for Humanity

The thing that makes any story compelling is the humanity of its characters.  For this week's prompt we're going to choose some character traits from the lists of common types and try to create a unique, memorable and very human character around which to base your story.  Try to pick one word from each of the lists to cover the different facets of humanity that make up a person.

List 1 - Basic personality type

Open

Secretive
Conscientious

Lazy
Extravert

Introvert
Agreeable

Combative
Neurotic

Calm

List 2 - Emotional type

Thoughtful

Argumentative

Dependable

Moody

Expressive

Competitive

Flexible

Agressive

Repressed

Volatile

List 3 - Behavioral quirk

Total slob

Overachiever

Alcoholic

Unpredictable

No sense of direction

Laughs at everything

Speaks multiple languages

Runs fast

Has illegible handwriting

Plans their wardrobe days in advance

These are just a few personality traits to play with.  There are many more and they can be used in any number of combinations.  And remember, people are often contradictory, so give your characters more humanity, try combining traits that don't necessarily seem to go together.  For example, someone who is brave, yet vulnerable or shy, yet extraverted.  

So give it a shot!  We'd love to see the characters you invent, so feel free to share your stories in the comments or email them to operationawesome6@gmail.com.

#AtoZChallenge - No Guilt Trips

Welcome to G-DAY of the Operation Awesome A-to-Z Blogging Challenge!  This month we're doing 26 posts on WRITING MOTIVATION. 

Are you burned out?  That's okay!  Taking a break from your WIP is sometimes what you need to recharge.  Or, are you letting your current WIP sit for the recommended 4+ weeks so you can go back to it with fresh eyes?

My part of our Writing Motivation theme is – Things to work on that still count as writing!

G – No Guilt Trips

Tired of the advice to “write every day”.  People telling you that you're not a writer unless you're writing every day?  NO GUILT TRIPS!  Do you work full time like me?  Maybe there simply aren't enough hours in the day.  Add in young children, and that's even less available time.  But if you WANT to write, you'll find what works FOR YOU.

First, here's some sites to help you if you DO want to get into the habit of writing every day.

365 daily writing prompts

The Teacher's Corner daily writing prompts

How to develop a daily writing habit

12-day plan of simple writing exercises

Here are some sites to help you organize your week if you do NOT write every day.

Be a productive writer, do NOT write every day

If you can't write every day, do this instead

“Write every day” is bad advice

Bad advice boogie – Write every day [Jeff Somers, he's awesome]

Come back tomorrow for more WRITING MOTIVATION!

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#AtoZChallenge - Forest

Here at OA, we're talking about writing motivation for our A-to-Z Challenge: what motivates us, how to get motivated, and - according to me, at least - what apps are useful to keep motivated!

Today I'm talking about Forest. Forest is a fun little app you can find in the Google Play store, the Apple App store, and as an extension for Chrome. It's free, although it also contains some paid content.

How it works

Forest blacklists sites that you might use to procrastinate and motivates you to stay on-task by growing a tree! You can set how long you want the app to run, from as little as 10 minutes to as much as 2 hours, and if you navigate to an app or website you blacklisted during that time, your tree dies. You get a few seconds to navigate away from the blacklisted site, so there's a bit of wiggle room if you forget that you put IMDB on there. The blacklist automatically contains some common procrastination sites at initial install (like Facebook and Twitter) and is also open to customization, as is the whitelist.

The longer you set the tree to grow, the more coins you earn, which you can use to unlock new varieties of trees like ginkgo and palm trees, along with some seasonal items like scarecrows and flowers. Plus, every tree you successfully grow appears in a little forest plot that you can visit! Forest also has a short quiz you can take to customize your use of the app, but all it really did for me was "unlock" a new type of tree and told me that I work best in a study group in a college library.

Pros

• Free
• Easy to use
• Can be used on a computer as well as on a smartphone
• Timer doubles as a way to commit to a length of time to write

Cons

• Have to pay to synchronize the forest across devices
• Relies on the user to adjust the blacklist
• Error time is very short

Final thoughts

Overall, Forest is easy to use and a very cute app in general. As long as you can actually commit to putting websites or apps onto the blacklist, Forest will probably work well to keep you on-track while you're writing. Don't let your tree die!

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#AtoZChallenge--How to Banish Your Inner Editor

Hi, Writer. I’m your Inner Editor. I’m the one who stops you from writing a single word on a blank word document even though you are swelling with inspirational impotence. I’m the one who makes you stay up all night anxiously questioning yourself on whether or not you made the right decisions on a rough draft. I’m the one who tells you that you’re not a good enough writer to publish.

I can look like anyone or anything. I can look like a supervillain or the worst boss you’ve ever had. I can talk like the teacher who told you that you wouldn’t make it anywhere or personified nails on a chalkboard. Once you give me a form, you’ll be able to banish me. If you can, that is.

Once you personify me, you’ll be able to tell that I am not you. The way to make me stop bothering you is to send me out. Kick me outside to play in the sun. Banish me to another dimension. I’ll put up a fight. Let’s see if you can take me on.

If you manage to get me to go away, you can try a few things to get yourself to write:

·      Free Write: Just write what you want on the page without thinking. Add a word count goal if you’re feeling bold.

·      Outline: Write out what needs to happen in the scene and perhaps the dialogue before making it sound pretty.

·      Word Sprint: Just like a free write, but with more pressure.

When I come back, you’ll know what to do.

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#AtoZChallenge - Daydreaming

Welcome to D-DAY of the Operation Awesome A-to-Z Blogging Challenge!  This month we're doing 26 posts on WRITING MOTIVATION. 

Are you burned out?  That's okay!  Taking a break from your WIP is sometimes what you need to recharge.  Or, are you letting your current WIP sit for the recommended 4+ weeks so you can go back to it with fresh eyes?

My part of our Writing Motivation theme is – Things to work on that still count as writing!

D – Daydreaming

Is your Act 2 suffering from sagging middle syndrome?  Are you stuck on a plot point?  What happens next?  Ideas for your new WIP?

You have the permission of the Operation Awesome team [not that you need it] to take some time to daydream!  Go for a walk.  Stare out the window.  Draw.  Paint.  Work with clay.  Watch a movie.  Read a book.  Clean your house.  Take a shower.  [Isn't it always strange that you get really good ideas while you're in the shower?]

After all, writers are never NOT writing.  Sometimes the writing is just happening only in your head.

Evaluating ideas

If you're out of ideas

Where do you get your ideas?

Worried that someone will steal your ideas?

Brainstorming

Where ideas come from

The art of finding ideas

Come back tomorrow for more WRITING MOTIVATION!

#AtoZChallenge Cohen Writing Motivation

A Month of Writing Motivation is the Operation Awesome theme for the 2020 A to Z Challenge. I'm giving examples of how five reference books offer writing motivation.




The Productive Writer: Strategies and Systems for Greater Productivity, Profit and Pleasure by Sage Cohen

This book aims to motivate the reader by focusing on ways to be productive. Areas it touches on include:

• Know what you want to do, why it makes you happy, and what your goals are.
• Desire maximizes productivity.
• Keep track of your time. (Chapter 6 has a biorhythms component that everyone on pandemic quarantine/lockdown should check out.) 
• Creative activities to do when you aren't writing.
• Chatting with your muse/genius/whatever. 
• Organize better to keep from getting stalled.
• Get fear out of your way.

The book ends with chapters on what to do after you've written to your target length. If you struggle to stay motivated long enough to finish, or if you need to focus more of your motivated energy, this is an excellent book for you. It's short, well-written, and the concepts are clear. 

This book came out five years before Big Magic, but mentions Elizabeth Gilbert and one of the lessons she ends up using in her book. (Come back on April 14 to learn more about Big Magic.)

What goal do you feel you need to reach to consider yourself a "productive writer"?

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#AtoZChallenge - Beginning, Middle, End

B is for Beginning, Middle, End.

During this challenge I will be sharing some of my favorite writing prompts or challenges with you so you can try them out to see which ones you find useful, challenging or just fun.

The Begging, Middle, End challenge is one I like when writing short fiction because it offers a kind of natural structure to your story in that the person offering the prompt (in this case me) gives you a sentence to begin your story, a sentence to fit into the middle of your story and a sentence to finish your story.

So here goes...

Beginning:  He hadn't been in town long, but somehow, they already wanted to murder him.

Middle: The dishes lay shattered in the kitchen sink.

End: She would understand one day that he had truly loved her.

So go to it.  See what you can make of those. 

We'd love to see how you use these prompts, so either leave your story in the comments or email to us at operationawesome6@gmail.com

#AtoZChallenge - Agents and Publishers

Welcome to A-DAY of the Operation Awesome A-to-Z Blogging Challenge!  This month we're doing 26 posts on WRITING MOTIVATION. 

Are you burned out?  That's okay!  Taking a break from your WIP is sometimes what you need to recharge.  Or, are you letting your current WIP sit for the recommended 4+ weeks so you can go back to it with fresh eyes?

My part of our Writing Motivation theme is – Things to work on that still count as writing!

A – Agents and Publishers

Is your career goal to be traditionally published?  Take a breather from your WIP and do some research into agents to find the ones who you believe might be a good fit for your writing and your business style.  Remember, you're looking for a career, right?  You need a business partner who is excited about what you write AND who you can work with successfully.

Finding literary agents

What to look for in an agent

Creating a spreadsheet

Or do you want to research smaller publishers to work with directly, instead of through an agent?

Small press / big press pros and cons

Is a small press right for me?

Small presses

Or is your goal to self-publish?

Self-publishing for author/illustrators

A self-publishing quiz

Self-publishing info and resources from Writer Beware

Whatever your goals, you can research your options and make a business decision that's right for you.

Come back tomorrow for more WRITING MOTIVATION!

Like what we do here at Operation Awesome? Consider joining us!  More info here.

Writing Now That Things Are Different

For a lot of us, things have gotten really intense really fast. Shelter in place orders have a lot of us now spending way more time at home than usual. (For those of you now spending all day with small children, I bid you strength.) However, to me, it was a dream came true when my state issued "shelter in place" because it meant that I would have so much more time for writing! At last, nobody can invite me to some event that my Midwest Nice upbringing won't let me refuse - I'm quickly learning that I'm more of an introvert than I thought I was, haha.

Just as quickly, though, I'm realizing that simply being home does not equal more writing. Don't get me wrong, I've been productive, but I've been doing things like hanging photos on the walls or deep-cleaning the spare room or learning to make macarons. Exactly zero writing has happened so far. And it makes me feel so guilty that I can't sleep at night. Here I have this golden opportunity to knock out an entire round of revisions in a weekend, and what am I doing? Staring into a pot of sugar water to make sure it doesn't crystallize.

Being at home all day felt like it should be perfect: I could wear sweatpants, snack all day, and spend hours with my cat. Once work hours are over, though, I'm stuck with two things: a desire to write, and a burning need to not sit at my computer anymore. And somehow, writing keeps getting pushed back, usurped by some household chore that just needs to happen right now for some unfathomable reason. Every night, I curl in on myself, hating that I didn't even think about revisions.

But the thing is, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for not being our most productive during a literal pandemic. Things are different now, and they will be for the foreseeable future. An adjustment period is expected - natural, even. A lot of us have more pressing things to deal with, like trying to arrange child care while also working from home, or suddenly being without a job, or dealing with the fact that a close relation is sick. It is okay to not write a single word during these trying times. It is okay to write an entire novel because you can't go to work and you're self-isolating. If you can, reach out to your writing friends and check in on them. But remember, don't take on more than you can handle. Nobody is keeping score.

The only things you really need to do are stay home, stay safe, and wash your hands.

Let's have a great April!

Hello all you amazing Operation Awesome blog readers!  Are you washing your hands and staying 6 feet away from everyone?  Working at your essential job and hoping you don't get sick?  Not working at what others have deemed a non-essential job and hoping you can pay your bills next month?

Wednesday begins the #AtoZChallenge, and the Operation Awesome team is participating right here on this blog!  YOU can sign up and participate too.  It's free, it's fun, you can use the serial/Oxford comma, and you get to meet lots of other bloggers who are more than 6 feet away from you.  Do something different and have some fun during this crazy time.

We hope you join us and several hundred other bloggers.  Let's have a great April!

New Team Member Search at Operation Awesome

We're looking for a new team member! Nathaniel is leaving us after April. Big shoes to fill! Friday posts have contests and feedback. Plus, this role is for the person who reaches out to the agents during our Pass or Pages events. It's a bit of responsibility and a whole lot of fun. Interested? Fill out the form to apply.




Tell your friends about this, please!

March 2020 Pass or Pages Entry #5

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Stephanie Winter of PS Literary, Amy Bishop of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret, and Samantha Fabien of Laura Dail Literary Agency for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry #5:  TIME TELLS ALL

Query

Novice psychotherapist Duncan Holmes ignores his own lack of experience [SW1] when he agrees to treat the complex diagnosis of Dr. Ethan Abraham, a brilliant surgeon who gained national attention when it was discovered he kidnapped and imprisoned two female medical students [AB1] [SW2]. Though Ethan admits this transgression, he maintains his innocence concerning a more troubling matter: the realization that several local women have gone missing in recent years who all share similar qualities to Ethan’s known victims [SW3].

Law enforcement think they have a serial killer on their hands and are convinced that Ethan is the culprit, but without enough evidence to link him to the missing, they pressure Duncan to get a confession from Ethan. All Duncan gets though is the feeling that Ethan isn’t capable of doing any harm, and even questions if Ethan committed the crime he admits. Desperate to know the truth, Duncan blurs the boundaries and gets involved with Ethan outside of their sessions, and soon Duncan discovers that the impetus of Ethan’s actions is an external force that is more dangerous than any mental illness [SW4].

TIME TELLS ALL is an adult thriller complete at 92,000 words. There are no scenes of violence against women in the manuscript, though details of cases are discussed in the same language and manner as on Law & Order or Criminal Minds [SW5]. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. Included is a writing sample.
 
*****
Stephanie's comments:
[SW1] I find that this weakness shared up front without explanation does not encourage me to see Duncan as our protagonist. Why is Duncan thrown into this situation, and why does his perspective matter most here?
[SW2] This is a lot to learn in a first line! Try breaking it up into multiple sentences.
[SW3] This is starting to have the makings of a hook. Is Duncan trying to recover the missing women?
[SW4] If possible, try to clarify with specifics. This sounds like it could be intriguing.
[SW5] You have an opportunity here to clarify what your book is like with competitive titles, rather than just explain the level of explicitness.  

Amy's comments:
[AB1] Great hook right from the beginning.

First 250

Charleston, South Carolina sits eight feet below sea level. Downtown will see six inches of flood water during high tide with zero rainfall. That’s why were nicknamed the Lowcountry. This is why the national media has taken to calling him the Lowcountry Captor [AB2]. I call him my newest client [SW6].

It’s 8:57AM on the console clock when I exit my car and walk towards the agency. Jake’s single-speed Harper is chained to the bike rack so he’s here, but we always keep the entrance locked and I use my key to enter.

“Is Dr. Holmes in the house?” Jake appears from his office. His hair sticks up like he stuck his finger in an electrical outlet and he’s wearing his usual skinny jeans and flip-flops. Jake specializes in cyber counseling and seldom sees a client face-to-face. We became fast friends in our first year of college when we learned of our mutual love for Dragon Ball Z and have been inseparable ever since. Starting a behavioral health agency together was a no-brainer [SW7].

“Hey, hey,” I say, closing the door behind me. “You’re here early.”

“Yeah. In case [SW8] there’s any craziness with news cameras or something, I wanted to be inside already. I mean, he’ll be here today, right? In our little, one-way-in-and-one-way-out agency. The Lowcountry Captor.”

“Yes, he will,” I say. “And we are not calling him that.”

“Not to his face, at least.” Jake whistles. “Your first killer.”

“He didn’t kill anyone, Jake. Jesus [AB3][SW9].”

*****
Stephanie's comments:
[SW6] I like the strong narrative voice used here. It evokes almost a noir tone. 
[SW7] I hope to get further detail later on that allows the reader to agree with this statement. I also wonder how a person under police suspicion is sent to a startup, but I imagine this will be cleared up later?
[SW8] This is a great way to start the novel, with the anticipation of something to come in the near/immediate future. 
[SW9] The query did not do justice to the first 250 but I am curious to see how this plot unfolds. For future querying, a strong hook is needed, and perhaps a brief line that explains why Duncan is involved in this criminal investigative plot at all. 

Results:  I’d love to read your first 30 pages!

Amy's comments:
[AB2] This starts feeling a little clunky and disjointed — can you join those two sentences together?
[AB3] I’m definitely intrigued and would be happy to read more!

Results:  Would love to see the query + first 50 pages as a Word doc!

Samantha's comments:
Great query! It's not too clear why Dr. Holmes is responsible for treating Dr. Abraham though. The intrigue is set up well and sparks interest to uncover how far Dr. Holmes will go to find the truth. It also sparks interest on what mysterious entity is at work within Dr. Abraham's mind. Great comps! I like the opening three sentences a lot, but would be careful not to dump too much information right away that could be casually peppered in as you go on.

Results:  Pass

March 2020 Pass or Pages Entry #4

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Stephanie Winter of PS Literary, Amy Bishop of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret, and Samantha Fabien of Laura Dail Literary Agency for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry #4:  THE EAGLE ORDER

Query

ER doctor by day, assassin by night [SW1]. It's a cushy job until you get the assignment of your life.

It's another [SW2] job done as Alexa gets up from the bed of the man she just killed, but when her mark turns out to be the sixth employee of a genetics research firm [SW3] to die in three months, Alexa becomes determined to learn the secrets that truly exist in THE EAGLE ORDER—an elite group of assassins selectively bred for the purpose. With rituals and traditions that can kill, assuming you survived to adulthood, and the bodies of pregnant women being disposed of in a volcanic sinkhole, things need to change [AB1][SW4].

But the head of THE EAGLE ORDER has disappeared, believed to have gone rogue. If Alexa wants answers, and her freedom, she must accept what might well be her last mission: to hunt down the rogue and bring her in dead or alive [SW5]. There's only one problem: the rogue taught Alexa everything she knows about being an Eagle. The rogue is her mother.

THE EAGLE ORDER is an adult thriller [SW6] with near-future technologies, complete at 96,000 words. If Max of Dark Angel (italicized [SW7], but the entry form strips italics) fame was to become the next Red Sparrow (italicized) [SW8], the steps she would take to claim her freedom and protect the ones she loves would be incalculable.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
 
*****
Stephanie's comments:
[SW1] This has great potential! I find the subsequent line vague and that it loses the momentum of this line. 
[SW2] This is phrased a bit awkwardly.
[SW3] Why Alexa feels invested in this search isn’t very clear to me—what’s her stake?
[SW4] I’m unclear as to how this line relates to the plot.
[SW5] Is this her primary mission, or the one above? And how is this complicated by Alexa being an ER doctor?
[SW6] It’s evident this novel has many twists befitting of a thriller. For the query, we want teasers so that we can appreciate the tension and want to read more. I felt that there were so many twists in this query that I didn’t completely understand how they all tied together. You’re on the right track, but I’d pass. 
[SW7] It’s completely acceptable to turn italics into all caps in these situations.
[SW8] I’m liking these comparative titles! But DARK ANGEL is a bit of an old reference.  

Amy's comments:
[AB1] I think this is more confusing than helpful (syntax-wise), and I’d just cut it. I think the transition works better without this sentence!

First 250

Alexa searched for her dress, not quite certain where it was thrown in the heat of the moment. Cursing at the crumpled blue pile by the bathroom door, she picked it up, pulled the sleek little number over her head, and brushed out the creases over her hips. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she stuffed her feet into her high-heeled boots and zipped them up.

Yet another job done.

She glanced over her shoulder at the man lying on the bed. His eyes were closed and a contented smile rested on his face. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was sleeping [SW9].

"Good to see that pleasure accompanied you to the world of death." [SW10]

How many had she allowed to die in this fashion? How many did she watch as they took their final breaths in their moment of climax? How many had she killed?

The numbers were rapidly approaching triple digits, but the exact number… She lost count long ago.

She finished donning the remainder of her clothing and walked across the small hotel room to the coffee table just inside the main door. There, in the center, were two mugs of partially drunk tea. Well, one mug partially drunk. The other had been untouched, and with good reason too. It was a tea that Alexa had made specially for the occasion, insisting that it would help her mark last the distance, enjoying a ride he would never be able to experience again.[SW11][SW12]
 
*****
Stephanie's comments:
[SW9] This is a clever concealment of what’s actually just occurred. 
[SW10] These words sound a little forced. Try saying your dialogue out loud. Does it sound natural on your tongue? This practice can help make spoken words sound more authentic. 
[SW11] Does she poison him? 
[SW12] The first page starts after a significant action, which is not a bad thing, but I didn’t feel a strong sense of intrigue to make me want to learn the circumstances for this assassination. The sexual nature of this felt more off-putting than intriguing.  

Results:  Pass

Amy's comments: None

Results:  Pass

Samantha's comments:
Be mindful of sentence structures, lengths, and clarity. Although it's unclear if Alexa's mother being the rogue is a spoiler or not, I would allude to it rather than say it explicitly. I would also revisit some of your favorite thrillers — especially your comp titles— and see how they're first 250 words, 5 pages, and 10 pages begin. What about them hooked you and how can you mimic that in your query?

Results: Pass

March 2020 Pass or Pages Entry #3

It's time for the Pass or Pages feedback reveal!  We're so thankful for our awesome agents Stephanie Winter of PS Literary, Amy Bishop of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret, and Samantha Fabien of Laura Dail Literary Agency for taking the time to critique these entries.  And a shout out to the brave authors whose work will be on the blog this week.  You are awesome!

Entry #3:  DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

Query

The political drama of SCANDAL meets the non-stop action of TRY NOT TO BREATHE [SW1], when Diana Avery [SW2] discovers a political conspiracy that threatens to tear Canada apart.

As Interim Special Events Planner of VIP Affairs, Diana Avery receives a cryptic note to meet the Canadian Prime Minister after dark and in person, but she doesn't know why the PM requested her services. Before they can meet, she overhears shocking details about a premeditated hit on the PM and the big push for Quebec's departure from Canada. She realizes she's collateral damage in an assassination attempt linked to a big push for Quebec's departure from Canada. Lucky for her, she saved the PM's life by taking the bullet. But at midnight, her memory of glory is destroyed when a stranger threatens her in her hospital room [SW3].

Targeted [SW4] by a sniper for learning tidbits of the truth, she goes into hiding at a temporary safe house with her bodyguard, Wesley Christian.  As she heals from her bullet wound and other injuries, she remembers more crucial details from the “Quexit” plot from her foggy memory. When it slowly resurfaces after hearing a familiar voice from the night before, she discovers the people who are behind the threat in her cryptic mysterious voucher. While she decodes the mystery, she learns the Foreign Powers in French Canada want an unnecessary civil war that could tear the country apart.

Only two people can protect her from imminent danger—Wesley Christian and Inspector Adrian Manning. When Wesley and Diana discover a hidden message in French, they also grow closer to solving the puzzle. As Adrian pieces together the political conspiracy theory in Winnipeg, he's also trying to follow the sniper's path before he comes after Diana, the PM, or both again. With her life on the line and a storm brewing to split Canada, she’ll have to unravel the cryptic mystery before the sniper targets the Foreign Affairs Minister in Ottawa next.

Based on your interest in thrillers [SW5], I hope DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY, a 110,000 word political thriller will suit your list [AB1]. This is a standalone novel with trilogy series potential.   In April 2018, I received a like from an editor at St. Martin's Press during #Dvpit [SW6].

Thank you for your time and consideration. I'll look forward hearing from you.

*****
Stephanie's comments:
[SW1] Nice competitive title set up. This second comp is a touch on the older side. Are there any newer fitting titles?
[SW2] This is a good start to your logline!
[SW3] This sounds like an interesting concept. There’s an opportunity here to pare down some of the fine details. The effect of having this level of detail is that this paragraph begins to sound like a synopsis.
[SW4] This, too, is dipping into synopsis territory. If I’m getting most or many of the specifics in the query, I tend to feel as though I don’t need to see the book to learn what happens. 
[SW5] Nice touch! It’s always appreciated to know that the author has done their research on the agent. 
[SW6] This is great info to have. The question I have when I see that the like was from 2018, is what was the outcome? Was there a pass with feedback? Have you revised since? If you have a recent like from the latest #DVpit or #PitMad round, having this line stand alone works for me! 

Amy's comments:
[AB1] I’m not really doing political thrillers, so I’m afraid this would be a Pass for me.


First 250

Diana Avery straightened out the speaker wires and turned on her wireless Bluetooth headset. With her earplugs, this connected her to security. Small jolts of tingling energy ran up and down her fingers. After a quick glimpse to her watch, everything would be set and go according to plan. The moments before Prime Minister Tattersall's speech were a mixture of excitement and nerves. And this presentation was a big one.

Voices murmured in English and French behind her as the crowd got settled in. When she finished with the sound check, she pivoted and remained rooted near the doorway.  Almost time [SW7]for showtime!

An African-American woman entered the room and approached Diana. She dressed in a Donna Karan black-and-scarlet pantsuit with matching pumps.  "Ms. Avery, may I have a word with you?"

She parted her lips. "Who [SW8] are you?" It came out low and faint [SW9].

"Nicole Pembroke. I'm Prime Minister Tattersall's advisor. We spoke on the phone a month ago." 

She nodded and raised her chin with her shoulders back.  "I remember, Ms. Pembroke. What can I do for you? We're all set for the speech [SW10]."

"Prime Minister Tattersall wanted me to give you a message. She'll [SW11] meet with you soon."

"When?"

Nicole handed her a sealed envelope. "Tonight. Near the VIP Salon. See you in an hour."

She exited the foyer [SW12].

After she left, Diana ripped open the golden-embossed envelope, thumbed the letter and found a cryptic hidden message embedded in the stationary [SW13].

***** 
Stephanie's comments:
[SW7] There are a few lines here about the countdown to this speech, and you could err on the side of less is more.
[SW8] In such a high-profile political world, I wonder if Diana should’ve been able to recognize her. 
[SW9] I’m getting the sense that this line is setting the tone. It’s not quite hitting the mark for me because it feels like there is a lot of pressure on so few words. 
[SW10] This dialogue is drifting toward non-essential conversation. You want to highlight dialogue that shows the best juicy bits. Your narrator can be used to set up the scene. 
[SW11] I love a female PM!
[SW12] I appreciate starting the story off with this initial action! The dialogue feels a bit stilted…perhaps Diana nervously anticipating her meeting would create the desired tone without dialogue?
[SW13] Overall, I found the direct language did not quite set the mood well enough for me. I’d love a little more context to help the reader realize the significance of this interaction. For this reason, I have to pass.  
Results:  Pass

Amy's comments: None

Results:  Pass

Samantha's comments:
Be mindful of sentence structures and lengths. Thrillers often have many threads and layers, so in describing them it's best to be as clear and concise as you can. Based on personal tastes, I don't tend to gravitate toward politically charged thrillers. While this is a good introduction, I presently don't feel a propulsive need to keep reading to see what happens next. When querying the first 5 or 10 pages, think about how they are laid out. You want an agent or reader to feel consumed with the story and eager to read what happens next.

Results: Pass