Mystery Agent Reveal and Winners!

Thank you so much to our brave entrants, and to our wonderful readers for their feedback! Our July Mystery Agent is...

Louise Fury of the Bent Agency!

Louise has chosen a winner and a runner-up from our fifteen entrants. Drumroll please!

Winner: #2, RACE CAR LULLABY
Prize: A phone call to discuss the work and the market as well as a full request of up to 2 more picture books as well as a request for 1 pitch letter (including log line) for any other manuscript the author has written. It can be PB, MG or YA. 

Runner up: #11, SHATTERED
Prize: A request for the next 5 pages of the manuscript.

We will be contacting the winners shortly with submission information. Congratulations!! 

Want to get to know our Mystery Agent better? We've asked her a couple questions!


1. Any tips for writers struggling with their pitches?
Share it with someone who has never read your manuscript and does not know what the book is about. This way you will get a response to the pitch itself. Remember, agents and editors don’t know what your book is about until they read your pitch, and the pitch needs to entice them to read the manuscript.

What are some common mistakes you see in them?
Too much info about the author, their family and their non-writing life. Not enough about the story, the characters, and the premise.

2. What books have you read lately that you've fallen in love with (manuscripts you’re currently working with or others')?Published books I have read and am loving right now are The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly and I AM PILGRIM by Terry Hayes. I just started reading Love, Nina: A Nanny Writes Home by Nina Stibbe and next on my list is The Husband List by Janet Evanovich and Dorien Kelly. I always love to reread The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman and currently listening to FIRESTARTER by Steven King on audio book. Just discovered the picture book Calvin Can't Fly: The Story of a Bookworm Birdie by Jennifer Berne and Keith Bendis and I love it. It reminds me of the first book I sold, The Dandelion’s Tale by Kevin Sheehan. I want more picture books like this.

3. What would you like to see more of in your slush pile? 
Picture Books (See question 2) and I would love to find some literary middle grade that makes me feel deep emotion. Happy or sad. Sexy women’s fiction and romance, YA horror and thrillers that have a literary feel, and cookbooks by home cooks who have an interesting and successful Internet platform.
(Writers - please note that Ms. Fury is currently closed to unsolicited queries!)

4. You are actively seeking YA horror and thrillers.
YES!

To you, what makes a book scary?
That unseen threat. The silent terror. I want horror that is psychological and terrifying because it could be real.

5. When considering a romance manuscript, what are some tropes you're drawn to? What are some tropes that turn you off? I like all tropes. The more the merrier.

6. Any exciting news you can share?
Publishing is alive and well. In fact, I would say that this is the best time to be a writer. There are so many ways and places to be published!

7. And a few just for fun:

Coffee or Tea? Iced coffee all day long

Sea or mountains? Sea—I am from Cape Town!

Chocolate or bacon? Both. I once had a chocolate covered bacon and it was delish.

Ebook or print book? BOTH.

Favorite tv show? Shark Tank


To learn more about Ms. Fury and her list, check out her page at the Bent Agency Website. And stay tuned for more Mystery Agent news very soon!

July Mystery Agent Critique!

The July Mystery Agent entries have been posted and will be open for your amazing feedback all week! Our rules are simple: be helpful, be relevant, and be kind. Thank you to all of you, and to all our amazing entrants! Happy critting!

July Mystery Agent Entry #15: WAR

Title: WAR
Genre: Fantasy
Word count: 80,000 words

Logline: Valentine was stolen by the Pied Piper as a little girl, and her quest for revenge plunges her into the middle of the war between the Magi and the Fideli. Her fight to find the truth uncovers a much bigger conflict than anyone thought, unites the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and ushers in the End of the World.





I. VALENTINE


Valentine sat in the chair listening to the delicate drip drip of her own blood as it rolled from the fresh cuts beneath her shoulder blades, down the planes of her back, into the bucket beneath her seat.

There were holes carved into the wood of the chair, its back and its arms, to facilitate this harvesting. Her wrists were strapped in, as were her ankles, and she slumped in a bra and her underpants, waiting as she did every week, for the bucket to fill, and the drip-dripping to stop, and the wounds to clot.

And there never came an explanation. Not before the first time, or thereafter. Never even an attempt.

Not that Valentine could ever think of anything Sabine might say that would justify the bleedings. She wondered if Sabine knew that, and so she never bothered. Eventually, Valentine stopped wondering what Sabine did with all of her blood, and decided that it was just a sadistic way to keep her prisoner.

She had been only eight years old the night Sabine purchased her. Though the word slave never entered into any conversation, Valentine felt it was explicit. A week later, Sabine led Valentine down into the basement. It was one large room, unfinished, windowless, crowded with canvases and easels and paint. Sabine stripped her of her clothes and strapped her to that peculiar chair. Valentine cried even before Sabine set the brass buckets beneath the arms of the chair. She cried for the duration of it, especially hard after Sabine yelled at her for flinching when the elegant little knife she used bit into the flesh of her arm. She cried until she was so weak that she passed out. It hadn’t taken long; she was eight. Now she could endure the chair for hours without any tears at all.

July Mystery Agent Entry #14: DEFENSIVE GUN

Title: Defensive Gun
Genre: contemporary YA
Word Count: 57,000

Logline: During the course of a TV interview, Amanda relives the painful memories of her kidnapping and escape; if she doesn't tell her story now, her captor will do it for her.



Walking into the television studio was painfully similar to walking into the police station. The TV crew got really quiet and tried not to stare. They probably thought I wouldn't notice but how could I not? Those deputies and lawyers and handcuffed criminals had done the same thing.

My shoulders sagged under the weight of their curiosity. I hated it but I understood. I was the girl who’d been kidnapped, here to tell the world everything that happened. Well, almost everything. I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about the day I was found.

You’re okay. You can do this. Just keep walking.

My steps faltered and I grabbed my brother, Travis’s arm. “I wish I had my tennis shoes.”

Mom turned when she heard that. She knew which shoes I wanted—the ones I’d been wearing the night they got me back. But they were locked away in police evidence, covered in dirt and blood. She softened when I started rubbing my hand. “Talking about it will help.”

Her reminder was my doctor’s echo, a five-word platitude I couldn't escape.

I rubbed harder.

“Well, at the very least it’ll take some of the public’s interest in you away,” dad, the practical one, said.

I nodded and pretended like I agreed with them, like those were the reasons I was doing this interview so soon. But they weren't.

I had to talk now, before she got the chance. No one else had the right to tell my story.

July Mystery Agent Entry #13: [UN]DATEABLE

Title: [UN]DATEABLE
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word count: 88,000

Logline: When Jennifer Clark gets pulled into her best friend Kyle’s fake dating scheme, there are only two possible outcomes: the plan fails and Kyle loses the girl he’s been pining for, or it succeeds and Jen loses him—the boy she secretly loves.



“Are you even listening to me, Kyle?” I struggled to stay in step with him, all the while juggling a precariously stacked pile of notebooks. “Why are you wasting your time? We’ve been over this before.”

I jogged to get in front of him, placed a hand against his chest, and exhaled in exasperation. He could have easily kept on moving, pushing me aside with a slight flick of his wrist, but he stopped anyway.

“Been over what, Jen?” he asked, glancing over my head toward the gym door just a couple feet down where our mascot, a Mustang splashed with blue and gold paint, was peeling in thin strips off the door.

“It’s like she has you under a spell,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. It was obvious he hadn’t heard a word I said. Typical. “Hello? My face is over here.” I snapped my fingers an inch away from his nose. “Lexi doesn’t even know you exist. Getting a seat in front of where we’ll be cheering isn’t going to do a damn thing to change that. Maybe if you actually introduced yourself instead of stalking her from afar—”

“I am not stalking her! I’m just keeping tabs on her whereabouts…” Kyle trailed off, having nowhere to go with his argument.

If there was one thing in my life that I was completely sure of, it was this: Kyle Hinkley had been “keeping tabs” on Lexi Reese for a year now. In my mind, that gave him certifiable stalker status.

“Kyle, you have three options. One, you give up on this obsession. Two, you talk to her. Or three, I talk to her for you.”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed, concealing his dark brown irises. “You wouldn’t dare.”

I flashed a guiltless smile, eyes widening with doe-like innocence. “Oh, I wouldn’t?”

July Mystery Agent Entry #12: THE SOUL'S AGENT

Title: THE SOUL'S AGENT
Genre: New Adult Urban Fantasy/Romance
Word Count: 70,972

Logline: Navi gives lost souls one last chance at redemption--fight evil with her, or spend eternity roasting on a spit. Her only distraction is the boy who broke her heart--especially when the demons she hunt start hunting him.





It had been four years since Alec had torn my soul out and shredded it all through the high school. Seriously, heart? This pounding so hard every time we see him is getting old. Pounding so hard just because his truck is in the parking lot across from ours is even worse. I would like it to stop.

I sat in the vet parking lot, waiting for one of my roommates, Constance, to get off work so we could go out. I could just see Alec's truck parked in front of the electrical company he'd worked for since we'd been together, four long years ago. Why, oh why, did Constance have to work in the same business center he does?

She tapped on my window just then and I jumped guiltily, almost throwing myself through the roof. "Hey Navi." I could see the smirk she tried to hide, but she politely refrained from commenting. Instead she slid into the car. "Did you have to wait long?"

"Nope. Just a minute or so. How was work?" I turned the car on, backed up, and drove slowly through the parking lot, trying really hard not to look toward the electric company.

I was so focused on not looking that I completely missed the big truck until I almost hit it. I slammed on the brakes, squealing nearly as loud as my tires. "Sorry! Sorry!" I squeaked, waving my hands around like that would convey my message better.

"Um, Navi?" Constance asked quietly.

I blinked at her and looked at the truck. Alec's truck. He stared at me with his mouth hanging open, probably wondering how the girl he'd taught to drive had nearly killed him in a parking lot. Karma, buddy.

This was the first time I’d seen him in years. Not exactly the impression I’d hoped to make if I ever ran into him again.

July Mystery Agent Entry #11: SHATTERED

Title: SHATTERED
Genre: YA dark contemporary
Word Count: 68,000

Logline: When thirteen-year-old Zoey escaped after being held prisoner by a sexual predator for six months it made the national news. When another girl who looks eerily like Zoey goes missing two years later, Zoey must conquer her crippling anxiety to find the missing girl and stop the kidnapper by whatever means necessary.



I can do this. I can. 

Stay calm. It'll be okay. You're not dying. It'll pass like it always does.

"God, look at the freak show," a girl says. Don't think. Walk. One foot in front of the other. I keep my eyes on the floor and wipe sweaty palms on my new black leggings. They leave dark splotches behind. My stomach churns and threatens to expel the Cheerios I had for breakfast. My boot clad feet clomp through the unfamiliar hallway searching for the classroom listed on my schedule. First Hour: Study Hall: Room: Library. I blow a strand of hair out of my eyes. Every time I look up, I see the world through a curtain of purple bangs. Dark kohl I put on with a shaky hand this morning rings my eyes and I rub at my right one. A smudge of black on my finger reminds me I probably look like a deranged raccoon now. Being hidden behind black eyeliner and purple hair doesn’t help the rise of the panic inside.

A bubble of hot anxiety pushes against my chest. I finger my necklace, the sharp points of the Star of David dig into my palm as I walk. A tiny brown Buddha bounces next to the silver cross and the Virgin Mary charm makes tiny clicks. I pray to all four. Please don’t let me pass out. But the bubble swells. Unrelenting. A door materializes off to the side and I race to it.

I have to get out. Now.

Welcome to the first day of high school, Zoey. Congratulations, you made it for a whole ten minutes.

July Mystery Agent Entry #10: NEAR DEATH

Title: NEAR DEATH
Genre: Young Adult Horror/Thriller
Word count: 78,000 words

Logline: After a mind-reading teen sees herself die in someone else's head, she must team up with a reluctant--but cute--death seer to catch her murderer ... before he is red-handed.



I don’t hear voices—I think other people’s thoughts. It’s as confusing as it sounds. I thought I was gay for about a week in sixth grade, but really I was just channeling the thoughts of the boy sitting in front of me.

Reading people’s minds is exhausting. Thoughts rarely flow: they whirl or flit—random, fragmented, and sometimes even overlapped. It’s distracting. With the way I sometimes zone out in the middle of conversations, or forget what I’m saying as I’m saying it, I can understand why everyone thinks I have extreme ADHD. The fact that I started gaining control over this “gift” at about the same time my parents started popping Adderall in my mouth just proves the diagnosis (or so they think).

“Six,” I mumble, spinning the dial on my gym locker past the zero twice and stopping at the six.

But the timing is a coincidence. I don’t even take the pills anymore. I’ve just taught myself to push the foreign thoughts into the background so that I can focus on what people are saying instead of what they’re thinking.

“Twelve.” Once around the zero in the other direction.

It’s not easy. Ever tried to read a book, watch a movie, and talk to someone at the same time? It’s kind of like that.

… get rid of this muffin top …

… her boobs can’t be real …

July Mystery Agent Entry #9: PERFECT TOGETHER

Title: PERFECT TOGETHER
Genre: Adult Contemporary Romance
Word count: 72,000

Logline: Dessert loving Nica Anders’ one-night stand turns out to be a dying client’s relative, a clear violation of company policy. Being bad has never tasted so good as she risks career and heart to support this delicious stranger.



I need to get laid, Nica thought as she stared into her amber drink. Deceitful little drink, really. It looked harmless, tasted fruity, and was packed full of potent alcohol. Potent enough that she lost her common sense halfway through the first glass.

She was now on her third.

And scanning the room for a man to prey on.

She sighed and pulled herself up from her gloom. The bar was packed for a Tuesday night. Waves of chatter encompassed her, creating a low hum in her ears. Across the narrow room a young couple flirted close together, clanking glasses. A few stools down her eyes locked in with a pair of brown eyes, as deep with sorrow as her own. She didn’t notice if anyone sat with him, couldn’t notice. She was far too drunk to pull away. His gaze sent an electric pulse right down to her toes, waking up parts of her body that hadn’t expected any action tonight.

“Nica, what have you found?” Her friend Lexie squealed. Her silky hair flowed to her shoulders like a hot fudge waterfall, not a strand out of place in contrast to Nica’s own unruly curls. It wasn’t fair, perfect hair and a tolerance for alcohol that resembled a frat brother. Lexie followed Nica’s eyes and let out a low growl. “Yummy! Veronica, go get him.”

At the sound of her full name Nica found the will to tear her eyes away from the man, which was no easy task with his gaze searing through her. She looked Lexie square in the face, with every intention of telling her no and finding a cab to take her home.

“I need to get laid,” was what came out. Nica closed her eyes, a warm blush creeping over her cheeks. She put her head down on the table.

“I’ve been telling you that for years. Does your body even know what to do anymore?” Lexie pulled Nica’s hair off of the dirty brown table.

July Mystery Agent Entry #8: LEMON LAVENDER

Title: LEMON LAVENDER
Genre: Contemporary YA
Word Count: 61,000

Logline: Blending in above all costs is sixteen-year-old Lemon Lavender’s solution for surviving high school with her "kid of a rock star" name, but when she defies her own rules and falls for the attractive new guy, she's thrown into a twisted web of gossip blog drama, lies, and lemon attacks, which force her to make a choice—allow false rumors to define who she is, or stop hiding and fight for her own identity.



There are three rules to surviving high school with a name like Lemon Lavender. Notice I didn’t say three simple rules, because simplicity has nothing to do with it. If you’re looking for simple, then you’re already doomed—just accept that your name will be joked about until you graduate high school and probably even after.

The ultimate, especially critical Rule One of Survival is to blend in above all costs. Because you’ll have convince everyone you aren’t a toolbag for being named like the kid of a rock star, it’s best to fade into the background. Example: I have dishwater blonde hair, worn straight and without highlights, even though it makes my mother cringe. Generic long-sleeve shirts in one color. Basic jeans with no swirls, sequins, bling, or bedazzles. Shoes—just Converse, not too clean, not too dirty. Overall, I wasn’t ugly or pretty. Just plain and vanilla and invisible.

This leads me to Rule Two. Accept that blending in won’t work all of the time, such as when there are only three minutes left until the end of homeroom and you’re late for the second time in a week and the fifth time since school started a month before. A normal person would be able to slip into Westmoore High’s crowded hallways, head down, and lie to Vice Principal Hawkins about being late. But when your name is a flashing neon sign, kiss that option goodbye. While the easy part was getting into the building and walking into class, convincing Hawkins that my homeroom teacher hallucinated my absence was about as likely as me waking up to find out I was really named Sarah or Jessica or Emma.

As an addendum to Rule Two—when you can’t blend in, your mission is still to blend in. Example: Getting caught was inevitable, but if I gave myself up now, I’d have to wait for Hawkins to issue me a detention and send me back to English Lit during the middle of class, when 25 pairs of eyes would stare as I entered the room and walked to my desk.

Not going to happen.

July Mystery Agent Entry #7: TAMING THE STORY - AN ILLUSTRATED REFERENCE GUIDE FOR WRITING STORIES

Title: TAMING THE STORY - AN ILLUSTRATED REFERENCE GUIDE FOR WRITING STORIES
Genre: Nonfiction Picture Book
Word Count: 1762 including back matter

Logline: In this comic-book style picture book, a fourth-grader learns the elements of plot from the characters of the story he is writing. Each page has three interweaving parts - a) definition or story-building tip, b) the fourth-grader’s story with its newest addition, and c) the story brought to life in the illustrations.

Taming the Story: An Illustrated Reference Guide to Writing Stories

Once there was

This is the beginning of the story. Every good story has a beginning. Sometime you know it because it starts out “Once upon a Time,” or “Long, long ago.” But sometimes a story just starts. I like those stories best.

Once there was a girl named Sonya and a boy named Adrian.

A good story usually begins by telling you about someone who is in it. Anybody you find in a story is called a character. 

[[Voice of Adrian]] “Hi, I’m Adrian. I’m a character in this story.”

[[Voice of Sonya]] “Hi Adrian, I’m Sonya. I’m a character, too. 

A good story develops the characters by telling about them.

[[Sonya]] “Hey, can you turn me into a princess? Or a witch?”

Once there was a girl named Sonya and a boy named Adrian. Sonya was a witch princess with a broomstick she could fly. Adrian was a prince king knight.

[[Adrian]] “No, no! What’s more boring than a knight? Erase that.”

Once there was a girl named Sonya and a boy named Adrian. Sonya was a witch princess with a broomstick she could fly. Adrian was a genius architect who built an awesome castle for the princess in an enormous tree. 

[[Adrian]] “That’s more like it.”

[[Sonya]] “Wow, look at that! But I don’t need an elevator. I’ve got this.”

Once there was a girl named Sonya and a boy named Adrian. Sonya was a witch princess with a broomstick she could fly. Adrian was a genius architect who built a castle for the princess in an enormous tree.

July Mystery Agent Entry #6: LOVE IS FAKE, YOU KNOW

Title: LOVE IS FAKE, YOU KNOW
Genre: YA Contemporary LGBTQ
Word count: 88,000 words

Logline: Torn between seeking the familiarity of harmful relationships and rising above a homophobic hometown in Ohio, bisexual teen Morgan creates new definitions of morality to avoid settling for a life riddled with depression and angst.




6-24-02 Monday 5:03AM

I have a weird secret ambition that this journal will be discovered and I’ll end up like Anne Frank or something. Except nothing I write flows quite like Anne’s stuff did. And with any luck I won’t be dying any time soon.

What pushed me over the edge toward starting this journal tonight was a fight with Jacob. We were having a pretty normal conversation about how we can’t wait for band camp when out of nowhere he asked where I wanted to sneak off to when we got there. I sputtered until the only words I could think of came out: “To do what?”

“C’mon Morgan, you know what I wanna do.”

I told him I wasn’t ready to “do stuff.” Where did his idea even come from? I have no idea where his idea even came from. I mean, we’ve only been going out for 55 days and we’ve only met twice! He hasn’t even kissed me yet.

His response came out as a hiss through the earpiece: “Don’t act like you’re not easier than that.”

When I reminded him that I’m just not like that, he realized his mistake. He apologized a million times and said he was sooooo sorry and he absolutely does not think of me as “easy.” It’s not that I don't believe him…I really do trust him. It was just a misunderstanding, right?

And honestly, I’m still not sure what he wants to do at band camp.

July Mystery Agent Entry #5: WHEN TODDLERS TOOK OVER

Title: WHEN TODDLERS TOOK OVER
Genre: Picture Book
Word count: 189 words

Logline: When toddlers re-imagined the world with no bedtimes, no pants, and construction vehicles as family cars, it was just the beginning. But the fun began to fizzle when their perfect new rules brought consequences they couldn’t see coming.



The day the toddlers took over, they made NEW RULES:

No bedtimes. No baths. No pants.

Booster seats in drivers’ seats. [note: Toddler is driving car]

Unlimited crackers, all day long.

Parents don't leave daycare.

“Please touch,” signs, even on the breakables.

And, construction vehicles as family cars.

Sebastian smiled. Best. Rules. Ever.

July Mystery Agent Entry #4: DOGBIRD TO THE RESCUE!

Title: DOGBIRD TO THE RESCUE!
Genre: Picture book
Word count: 650

Logline: Space-dog Buddy's ears grow and GROW, turning him into the oddest dog on earth. But being odd also has its perks . . . when a friend is in danger, Buddy's hidden talent awakens: He can fly!



Dogbird to the Rescue!

[Sound effects noted in brackets will be integrated with illustrations.]


“Our planet has become too crowded,” King Dog says. “The bravest among you must explore the universe and find new homes. Safe journey, dear hearts. Help all you meet and make me proud!”

“Yip!” the smallest puppy says. “I will help everyone!”

A bright light streaks across the sky. It passes Mercury, Mars, Venus . . .

[CRASH!] The puppy pokes his nose from the rubble.

[Sniff! Sniff!] “Maybe no one lives here,” he says to . . . no one. A rabbit hops by. “Arf! Stop, please!” he calls to the rabbit. “What is this strange place?”

But the rabbit keeps hopping.

A boy and a girl appear. “Yip!” the puppy yaps, wagging his tail. He runs to meet them.

The boy picks up the little hound. The girl strokes his long, soft ears.

They take the puppy home and name him . . . Buddy.

Buddy grows fast, but his ears grow faster. The earth’s atmosphere has a strange effect on Buddy. His ears grow and grow and GROW.

Every day, Buddy tries to help others, just as King Dog commanded.

Buddy likes to help his boy play fetch . . . [Whoops! Bam!] (Trips on long ears)

And host royal tea parties with his girl. [Clink, clank . . . CRASH!] (Ears bump cups)

Buddy likes to chase birds. [Arf! Arf! Arf!] It’s fun to help them fly!

[Vrooom! Vrooom!] Buddy wakes up early. “Yip!” he tells his boy. “Here comes the Big Yellow Thing.” The Big Yellow Thing takes his boy and girl away. They don’t need Buddy’s help today.

July Mystery Agent Entry #3: GAJENDRA

Title: GAJENDRA
Genre: Picture Book
Word count: About 700 words

​Logline: A timeless classic featuring Gaja who goes from being a lonely vagabond to a king, but finds the biggest challenge in the jaws of a crocodile.


Deep, deep in the dense green jungle far, far from humans lived Gaja. With long tusks, broad ears, powerful legs, and gentle eyes. Handsome!

But, for long as he recalled he had been wild, alone, and roaming the jungle. Usually, trampling saplings, pushing trees, breaking branches and sometimes pausing..

mid-stride, as if thinking, trying to recall a dream, perhaps a wish unfulfilled, a nameless feeling, of something lost, of being lonely.

Calling out, Gaja muffled it deep in earth. Could the feeling be buried away?

Gaja walked on until a herd crossed his path. He ran away from the male who rumbled, raced, chased, trumpeted, and challenged.

Would Gaja walk away?

Gaja answered with a deep rumble from his throat. A contest of trumpets, trashing trunks, clash of ivory, wrestling, and…

Victory!

Gaja, the elephant became Indra, the king.

Gaja-Indra! Gajendra!

The herd watched as Gajendra patted a calf, nodded at the ladies. He held trunk-touch to the youth and walked with them. Gentle and jovial, decided the ladies.

The herd plodded down the path Gaja treaded. Over the parched grasslands, into the cool, emerald canopied valleys, siphoning and squirting from the foaming rivers.

Soon it was the season of heat. And the season for dating, mating, and birth.

Celebrations!

New mates…New routes…New valleys…

Content ladies, mischievous calves, caring aunts and teasing teenagers all followed Gajendra through an ancient route.

Over the grassland, through the bamboo, across the forests, towards the large lake, Gaja led as if he knew.

July Mystery Agent Entry #2: RACE CAR LULLABY

Title: RACE CAR LULLABY
Genre: PICTURE BOOK
Word count: 177

Logline: With the moon shining and the race track quiet, it’s time for a little race car to get ready for bed. After he bathes in some suds, polishes his chrome, changes his oil, and reads from his book, he drifts off to dreamland where he vrooms to the front and takes home first place.


[The text of this entry has been redacted by the author's request.]

July Mystery Agent Entry #1: DON'T OPEN THE MYSTICAL MAGICAL MOUK BOOK!

Title: DON'T OPEN THE MYSTICAL MAGICAL MOUK BOOK!
Genre: Picture Book
Word Count: 273

Logline: With you as the magician's assistant, the Mystical Magical Mouk will attempt the most spectacular trick known to humanity- becoming invisible!



Finally! I’ve been waiting for you. Why didn’t you open my book earlier? It says ‘Open the Mystical Magical Mouk Book’.

It doesn’t? What does it say?

Aaaah! I’ll have to fix that. You came at the perfect time.

I am about to perform the best magic in the world for I am the mystical, magical Mouk! You must have seen my show.

Gasp! You haven’t? Impossible! Everyone has seen my extraordinary magic. Well…everyone except you I guess.

Watch me disappear. That’s right! But first I need an assistant. Will you help me?

Fantastic! Wiggle your fingers. KABOOM! KABAM!

Tada! I’m invisible! What did you say?

I’m still here? Whoops! I forgot to use my wand. I’ll do magic this time. I PROMISE.

Wiggle those fingers AND your tongue as I say the magic words. KABOOM! KABAM!”

I’m invisible! AHHHHHHHH! My clothes-they’re gone! Close your eyes! Look away.

No, no, no! I didn’t say to go away. I said to look away. Come back! My magic does work. I forgot to wear my magic hat. I need you. All magicians need an assistant!

Yay! You’re still here. Wiggle your fingers and tongue and shake your body as fast as you can.

KABOOM! KABAaaaam!

(empty page with only the hat on the floor)

Tick, tick. Tick, tick (tapping coming from inside the hat)

Help! Over here!

Look inside the hat. I’m stuck. SAVE ME!

I don’t want to live in a hat! Do some magic!

(Reader does ‘magic’)

I’m BACK! Thank you for saving me. You are a mighty magician! How come you didn’t tell me?

Thank you for watching Kaboom Kabam!

What did you say? EEEEEK! My head! (Reader’s head is on Mouk’s body using a mirror or picture and Mouk’s head is flying away)

Got to go! Turn to the first page to give me my head back.

Mystery Agent Critique Next Tuesday!

Hey gang! This is just a reminder that our 15 Mystery Agent entries will be posted here on Operation Awesome next Tuesday, July 1st, for community feedback. The entries will go up at 10am EDT for all your cheerleading and critiques, so be sure to stop by and take a look!

And for those of you who weren't selected this time around, don't despair. We've got plenty more to come! Stay tuned for upcoming announcements about our future Mystery Agent contests in the coming months.

Have a great weekend, everyone! And to all our contestants: best of luck!

The July Mystery Agent Lottery - CLOSED

And we're back! Did you miss us? Because we missed you!

We have a fabulous July Mystery Agent all lined up for you - but with our new revamped contest, the fun is going to start a little early. Our Mystery Agent will accept 15 pitches, with your log line and the entire first page of your manuscript, and starting now, you can enter the Mystery Agent Lottery for one of those 15 slots.

Our Mystery Agent is actively seeking the following:

- Young Adult horror/thrillers
- Contemporary YA with a hook

- Speculative fiction

- All kinds of adult romance
- Picture books

If you have a completed manuscript in one of these genres, please enter your name and contact information into the Rafflecopter below. Please enter only once, and only if your manuscript is finished and query-ready. 

The lottery will close on June 20th, and winners will be contacted with instructions for submitting their work. And not only will our agent be able to read the entries, but so will all of you! All 15 entries will be posted here on the blog on our Mystery Agent day, July 1st, for your cheerleading and constructive feedback. And last but certainly not least, the reveal, along with the fabulous to-be-announced prizes, will be posted here sometime in the month of July.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
If I left anything out or you have any other questions, please do leave a comment so one of us can point you in the right direction. Best of luck to everyone!

July Mystery Agent Winners and Reveal

Unveiling our July Mystery Agent: 

Michelle Humphrey of Martha Kaplan Literary Agency

Before returning to the Martha Kaplan Agency, where she was previously an agent 2009-2010, Michelle Humphrey was an agent with International Creative Management and Sterling Lord Literistic. She has served as an assistant for Renee Zuckerbrot Agency and Anderson Literary and worked as an English teacher, proofreader, and freelance book reviewer.

For this month's contest, Michelle requested a first line contest instead of a one-line pitch, and she explains what grabbed her in each winner. Without further adieu, the winners!

Michelle's Picks and Comments

Runner Up #3: Ari Susu-Mago / UNFAMILIAR SPELLINGS. First line: "It was way too early to be awake and this idea was stupid." 

First, I should say, I'm drawn to first lines that both establish an interesting character and set a plot in motion, and this opener definitely does both. I already like this protagonist because she's not a morning person (something I rather subjectively connect with) and I'm enamored with the humorous notion that she's embarking on something she feels is a bad idea; my interest is piqued to discover what this bad idea might be, and I'd like to read on.

Runner Up #2: Janice Sperry / SHE CAME FROM THE HILL. First line: "Nothing thrived at the far end of the park." 

Interestingly, this line doesn't quite follow my formula of establishing character and plot, but rather evokes what is, to me, a very intriguing setting. I have a sense of what this section of the park looks like -- dead trees, junkyard stuff on the ground,  lots of shadows -- it successfully conjures a mood and an archetypal place that has an immediacy and makes me want to read on.

Runner Up #1: Nikki Urang / BROKEN. First line: "Red and blue lights dance off the roof of my mother's car." 

I love the duality of the line: we are about to encounter the police and the tension that follows, as well as meet the character who caused the trouble in the first place. I also suspect the narrator is a counterpoint to the mom, and likely a reasonable sort of young person with a wry sense of humor. (I'm particularly enamored with the way the police are evoked -- a concise, light-hearted description of their lights dancing. ) Well done.

WINNER: LL McKinney / COVETED. First line: Caleb learned long ago being friends with Martin MacMurty required two things, inhuman patience and a tolerance for impromptu fashion shows. 

This is the line that made me (and my intern Aimee) laugh out loud. Martin MacMurty, in one line, successfully comes across as a quirky and humorout character; as a counterpoint, Caleb comes across as tolerant and cynical, almost Martin's "straight man" buddy. And, I suspect that tension between the two will follow shortly. So: we have the establishment of two characters, really effective humor (which is partly effective because the line is so concisely worded), and the promise of conflict. Really nicely done.

Congrats to the winners! Runners-Up should send a query and 10 pages to Michelle at michelle.c.humphrey@gmail.com. Winner, please send your full.

Michelle also answered a few more questions about what she's looking for and is open to other queries as well.

On to the questions!

What kind of books are you most interested in seeing right now?

Middle grade and Young Adult contemporary. Also, I'd love a murder mystery, something intricate, like an Agatha Christie YA or middle grade. I'm also looking for non-fiction picture books -- perhaps a biography about someone from the 20th Century who accomplished something important, but who appears to be a bit overlooked by the history books.

Rejections often say "I couldn't connect with your character." What makes a main character appeal to you?

In the first three pages or so, I look for a character's nuances: specific details that make her/him both likeable and flawed, as well as a sense that this is a character who very clearly desires something, and they're nowhere near getting it.  As a writing teacher, I loved doing an exercise where the class would read the first five pages of a book, and make a list of all the memorable details about the main character - things that were really quirky, unusual, contradicting, and surprising (and thus, human.)  The more "quirky" details I get about a character, the more likely I'll connect. 

Can you tell us about any recent or upcoming client books you're excited about?

I'm very excited about Denise Jaden's NEVER ENOUGH, a young-adult novel about two sisters, one of whom struggles with bulimia. It's a poignant, moving, and very page-turning story; I'm also excited about 37 THINGS I LOVE by Kekla Magoon, which came out last spring, a young-adult novel about a girl who deals with a quickly-changing friendship with her best friend while her family goes through difficult times (her dad is in a coma and she and her mom are at odds over the decision to remove him from life support). Both books have been getting great reviews.

Other than client books, what other recent books have you enjoyed?

I'm in a book club, so other books would include what we have been choosing to read as a group: QUIET, by Susan Cain, POSSESSION by A.S. Byatt, and DEVIL IN THE WHITE CITY by Eric Larson. We read a lot of adult fiction and non-fiction, but I'm hopeful our next pick will be a YA. :)

Thank you to Michelle and all the participants, and congrats to the winners. Come back August 1 for our next Mystery Agent contest -- get your pitches and first lines ready. You never know when you have a chance to pitch!