Tuesday, July 1, 2014

July Mystery Agent Entry #12: THE SOUL'S AGENT

Genre: New Adult Urban Fantasy/Romance
Word Count: 70,972

Logline: Navi gives lost souls one last chance at redemption--fight evil with her, or spend eternity roasting on a spit. Her only distraction is the boy who broke her heart--especially when the demons she hunt start hunting him.

It had been four years since Alec had torn my soul out and shredded it all through the high school. Seriously, heart? This pounding so hard every time we see him is getting old. Pounding so hard just because his truck is in the parking lot across from ours is even worse. I would like it to stop.

I sat in the vet parking lot, waiting for one of my roommates, Constance, to get off work so we could go out. I could just see Alec's truck parked in front of the electrical company he'd worked for since we'd been together, four long years ago. Why, oh why, did Constance have to work in the same business center he does?

She tapped on my window just then and I jumped guiltily, almost throwing myself through the roof. "Hey Navi." I could see the smirk she tried to hide, but she politely refrained from commenting. Instead she slid into the car. "Did you have to wait long?"

"Nope. Just a minute or so. How was work?" I turned the car on, backed up, and drove slowly through the parking lot, trying really hard not to look toward the electric company.

I was so focused on not looking that I completely missed the big truck until I almost hit it. I slammed on the brakes, squealing nearly as loud as my tires. "Sorry! Sorry!" I squeaked, waving my hands around like that would convey my message better.

"Um, Navi?" Constance asked quietly.

I blinked at her and looked at the truck. Alec's truck. He stared at me with his mouth hanging open, probably wondering how the girl he'd taught to drive had nearly killed him in a parking lot. Karma, buddy.

This was the first time I’d seen him in years. Not exactly the impression I’d hoped to make if I ever ran into him again.


Unknown said...

I love the voice here! Navi sounds like a girl I could read about and this opening sequence is great. In some places the writing is a little rough so it might need some cleaning up. Ex: (the first sentence might read better as) "It had been four years since Alex tore my soul out and shredded it all through the high school."

J Lenni Dorner said...

LOL - Love it!
Great opening line.

Unknown said...

Great voice, and you've already got me caring about the mc. The writing gives me confidence that this will be a well crafted story. I especially like the full circle made by "Karma, buddy." You might be able to play with the "ran into him again" line, since she almost literally ran into him.

Best wishes!

Rani Iyer said...

I love the quest of Navi, but not sure how Alex is connected with it. A great start and a great voice! I would certain keep reading!